(no subject)
Since Collin's ex girlfriend is such a psycho, I have to delete my myspace to keep her from reporting everything I write to Collin's parents.
Monday, August 30, 2004
Happy Birthday Collin
Hi Everyone Who Reads My Blogs. It is My Boyfriend's birthday. What did you get him for a present? It better be good, and it better not be wheels for his skates because I already got him those and I don't want any competition. He is 22 today, that is old. I mean, not old at all. Very Young in fact. Sorry Collin, you are not old. Just older than me, I guess. Let's go to Canada
Collin is going to have a joint birthday party with Borta. This will be brilliant, I am sure. Because I like Collin AND I like Borta. I bought Borta's birthday present yesterday. Collin said, "That is the type of thing she would have. She will like it." I said, "I KNOW SHE WILL LIKE IT SHE IS MY FRIEND HELLO." Just kidding, I said, "Yes :-D" and that is what I meant, too. This party will be great I am sure. I bet there will be party favors even. Maybe there will be dancing to "MMMBop" by Hanson. Also, maybe other exciting things will happen? One never does know!!
Time for a romance survey. Fill it out and post it, bitches. Or if romance is not your thing, don't read it I guess. BUT YOU ARE MISSING OUT
I. YOUR FIRST KISS:
a. How old were you? 12 PRETEEN SLUT
b. Where did it happen? At Allison's house
c. When did it happen? Winter of 97
d. Who initiated the kiss? Michael Buonincontro
e. Was there a second kiss with that same person later? No he is not heterosexual
II. YOUR FRIENDS LIST
a. Ever dated anyone who's on Myspace? Collin! But I met him before I knew about his myspace
b. Would you consider dating anyone on your Myspace? Collin
c. Have you kissed anyone on your Myspace? Collin, Colleen, Borta. John too! I forgot about that. John you sly devil, tricking me into kissing you on New Years
d. Based on all the things you've read in their journals, which of your LJ Friends do you think is the most romantic (apart from yourself)? Scott Maybe?
a. What were the circumstances of the best kiss you ever shared with anyone? This is not fair. I have had quite a few great kisses. But the best best best one in recent memory was actually yesterday. Collin and I were in my dormroom and we were standing in the center of it picking up our stuff and starting to get ready to go out and then out of nowhere he put his hand on my face started kissing me and I wasn't expecting it and I was like Wow. Yes. Hell Yes. This is the Best. And then I wanted to do it with him a lot of times but we really had to be going. But we kept kissing for awhile. And it was hot. And okay sorry
b. Briefly describe the best date you ever had? I don't think I go on dates
c. What's the longest dating relationship you ever had? Too Long
d. What's the most romantic gift you ever gave anyone you were dating? I bought Collin wheels for his rollerblades, because I knew he would like them better than pretty much anything else. That's romance
e. What's the most romantic gift anyone ever gave you when you were dating? Daniel got me a stuffed dog because it had a nametag on it and it's name was Scooter and I had a little stuffed dog when I was little and its name was Scooter but I lost him
IV. THE WORST TIMES
a. What were the circumstances of the worst kiss you ever shared? I kissed this one guy, Zack. And he was just horrible. Just horrible
b. Have you ever done something stupid that caused a relationship to end? I have only ever broken up with someone. I have never had anyone break up with me. So
V. OTHER ROMANTIC STUFF
a. What's the most romantic season? Fall and the Beginning of Winter. Like around Christmas. Ah, Romance
b. What's your favorite romantic movie? The Princess Bride! Romance!
c. Who is the best leading man in romantic movies? I think that Nicolas Cage is super romantic in The Family Man
d. Who is the best leading woman in romance movies? Audrey Hepburn
e. Who is the most romantic TV couple? Conan and Andy
f. What's your favorite romantic song? "Divorcee" - Kill Creek. It is sad, but very passionate and romantic
g. If you could take a boy/girlfriend to any country in the world for a weekend of romance, what country would you choose? Austria!
h. If you could describe the key to a good romance in five words or less, what would it be? UNEXPECTED TABOO INTIMATE INTENSE UNPREDICTABLE
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Saturday, August 28, 2004
COLLEEN SMOKES CIGARETTES
Holy Shit. Collin and John and I met Borta and her work friends and Colleen and Nikki at Denny's and. Fucking. Colleen. Pulls. Out. A. Pack. Of. Camels. I almost wept for joy. Oh my little angel is all grown up. I never thought this day would come. Time to take her shopping for big girl clothes and maybe her first pair of dangle earrings
Collin and John and I went to Grayslake for skating HOWEVER it rained so John got drunk and I ate Pizza Hut. Not food from Pizza Hut, I mean the whole Hut. Then we went to Krakbaby's apartment and drank more beer and watched Rushing Roulette. Collin and I went out to the car to "get alcohol" and it took us about 45 minutes but when we came back John had no clue what happened. He was like "I was worried about you guys!" Oh John and his innocence
Sometimes I wish that my best friend and my boyfriend did not have matching names because I get confused. I have to go back to ISU soon I guess. I guess I go to school there, huh?
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Sunday, August 22, 2004
And that CD sells. Yeah what a hit
Good morning all. I am going to do a big update on the goings-on in my life as of late. Prepare yourselves, or get the fuck out
Family: I miss them. Except for Michael, because he goes to school with me. But I miss my mom already, and I expect to miss my dad the next time I watch a sox game. And Abbey must be terribly lonely without me
Friends: Well, I've left two of my best ones at home, and the other one goes to U of I. Sucks. I got to spend the last night at home with the two I left at home. We went to Collin's and got CRUNK. Colleen smoked cigarettes. No, like she actually inhaled them. It was insane. I found out that John had been under the impression that I was a super-human who emotion and alcohol did not affect. He found out that he was wrong. I have to transition to my school friends. It is hard though, as I ran into a couple of them on the porch yesterday and all I heard was, "Where's Jessi?" "Where's your smoking buddy?" "Where's your Partner in Crime?" SIGH JESSI. I wish she did not live in an apartment. Come back to Dunn Hall, Jessica Dewitt
School: Well, I am here. I am adjusting. I am avoiding taking a shower like it's my job. But after this update I guess I don't have a choice. There is a lot of stuff that still needs to be set up in here. Like the TV, and the phone. Whatever. Beata and I haven't really done much with the room, we decided we will worry about it after Labor Day Weekend. And. My. Fucking. Bed. Is the squeakiest fucking bed in the history of the world. It squeaks when I breathe. Seriously. Beata's squeaks, too. She Christened the room on Wednesday night and said, "MY BED IS A FUCKING DISASTER" Yes, Beata. Mine will be a disaster soon, too
Roommate: I love her. Beata is wonderful. We do not seem as if we would get along, but we do, and really well. She hangs out with a much different crowd (the frat boys) and is much louder than me (if that's possible). But as far as living together goes, we are both really laid back, and I think that will work well
Romance: Collin. Collin Collin Collin. I don't know what to say. I could probably just type his name a bunch of times, but that would defeat the purpose of an "update". I am very happy with him. It is really crappy for us to be away from eachother considering how new the relationship is. But he will be busy with skating and school and I will be busy with smoking cigarettes and taking naps. I don't know. This doesn't section really doesn't explain anything about Collin and Me. I am not comfortable really with talking about him unless it is in a sexual manner. Is that weird? Yes. Ugh, he gives me butterflies. THERE. Happy now?
Life: For the most part, I am happy. I have wonderful friends, a fantastic boyfriend, a loving family, and a great roommate. But. Being away from home. It's awful
10:45 AM - 3 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Friday, August 20, 2004
Farewell
I am packing. Packing packing packing. I do not like it. I want to stay
Well. I have to take my computer now. So farewell Myspace. Until I get my computer hooked back up. Peace out Craig
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Thursday, August 19, 2004
You're laughing. I'm not laughing
I go back to school in two days. I will probably cry a lot Friday night, because that's what I did the day before I went to school last year. I hate school. I hate ISU. I am applying to Northern for next semester. It is so much closer to home. I fucking hate being away from home. Why do I even go to school? I don't want to get a career
I am beginning to think that I really just want to have a child and a husband and a little cottage outside the city. It will be my secret that I am interesting and clever and talented. Yes. If I have a bit of time between chores and cooking and tending to the child, I will draw creepy pictures and write bits of poems, and then I will hide them away in a box. I will get an allowance from my husband and spend it on new dresses and hats, like Lucy and Ethel always did. Then maybe my child will be wildly famous or successful, and in my old age I will be bought fabulous mansions and cars, and I'll die in Paris with my husband in a very large canopy bed
I have to pack for school. I have to talk to Collin
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Thursday, August 12, 2004
This is going to be a crazy weekend
Where am I sleeping when I need a nap before leaving for Minneapolis from Colleen's birthday party?
And with whom?
Eh?
Eh?
Eh?
Birthday Girl? Lookin in your direction wink wink I'M FUCKING GAY wink wink
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Saturday, August 07, 2004
Myspace misspelled August
So. Rick James died.
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Friday, August 06, 2004
FUCKC:L":LKAS:LKSDDK
Hello, myspace. Today relatives who I have never met are arriving at my house. My mom decided to tell me that they would be arriving in a half an hour oh about 2 MINUTES AGO WHILE I WAS DEAD ASLEEP. Thanks mom, I now have plenty of time to clean up my messy-ass room and look half-decent for company. I really appreciate it. DAMNITDFUFCKC(**)#@JHKJLKS now i am in a fucking bad mood. I am so pissed off right now. Fucking Shit.
Whatever, I had a really nice day yesterday and I spent time with Colleen and Nikki and while I was with them Colleen asked me if I wanted to get my nipples pierced. Then Collin called me at 2:15 in the morning and made me all smilie and shit and now it is RUINED. RUINED. Fuck.
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Tuesday, August 03, 2004
john is the new dr. phil
these new drugs: my mom found i smoke
these new drugs: she's not thrilled
PresidentManley: bummer
PresidentManley: when did she find out
these new drugs: yesterday
PresidentManley: lame
PresidentManley: she isnt taking her anger out on abbey is she
these new drugs: hahahhaha
these new drugs: no of course not
PresidentManley: ok good
PresidentManley: how did she find out
these new drugs: i just kept leaving cigarettes around my room
these new drugs: so she found like 6 packs and was like, "elizabeth, are you smoking?"
these new drugs: and i was like "yes"
PresidentManley: that will do it
these new drugs: at least i was honest!
PresidentManley: yeah
these new drugs: i shoulda been like geez i don't know where those packs came from
PresidentManley: you should have blamed them on collin
these new drugs: yeah that would have made a really great impression
PresidentManley: been like, "whenever he sleeps over he smokes a pack after sex and just drops them on the floor"
PresidentManley: hahaha
PresidentManley: they would have loved it
these new drugs: yes yes that is what i should have done
PresidentManley: ok, probably not
these new drugs: yes you are right
PresidentManley: but it would have taken the concern away from the smoking and toward the strange boy sleeping in the house
PresidentManley: and you could have blamed the boy thing on "love:-*" and your mom would be all excited that you are in love, and suddenly you would be planning a wedding, instead of being yelled at for smoking
these new drugs: ahahahhaha. yeah except then when she found out i am not actually in love with collin or vice versa she would be terribly shamed
PresidentManley: but then your dad would buy you things to make you happy because that mean boy broke your heart
these new drugs: yes but i would still be with the mean boy, just not in love with him
PresidentManley: shit
11:25 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Reno 911 is on! Peace izzawt bitches
Today I feel 15 years old. My mom found out I smoked? Anyway, she is really mad and lectured me about my health and how I have a lot of nerve smoking after all the trips to the heart specialist(s) and lung specialist(s) to which she took me. Then she mentioned how my grandma died of lung cancer. It's a good thing she said that because I had completely forgotten that my grandma died 3 months ago. That was mean and selfish of me to say. I take it back. I understand my mom's point, and I know why she is sad and disappointed. But I like smoking. And I will continue to do it
Since I was feeling 15 today, I decided to pull out the journal in which I wrote when I was 15. I don't know if I really knew this before, but when I was fifteen I was apparently STARK RAVING MAD? Reading those entries was like reading about the life of a complete stranger. I did very odd things and wrote about odd things. The things I was writing about in that journal were just so terrible and sometimes sad and sometimes so completely misguided...I kept saying "I feel sick. I feel sick. I feel sick." The thing is is that I wonder if that year was just something that happens sometimes to teenagers, you go a little crazy, you start chainsmoking, your life ends and then you make a new one and now you are okay and you really like your stupid job and all your friends and kissing your boyfriend and cleaning your house
Okay, I am going to go update about Collin somewhere else? Maybe. I am kinda lazy right now
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Saturday, July 31, 2004
i hate customers?
Today we had the worst customers ever. We have some good customers, like Legs and the Swingers. Legs is a transvestite who has not made the complete transition but has womanly shaven legs which are as good as if not better than Cameron Diaz's. He still has a mullet, but I bet he will get some good fashion advice soon. The Swingers are this group of 3 people aged 60-65 who are polygomists. The two men and the one woman come in for decaf coffee all the time. The lady always has a man on each side and kisses both of them. They are nice, and I bet they play cards when they go home at night.
ANYWAY. None of those nice fun people came in today. We had a lady who bitched about her Iced Mocha until she got it for free. AND Yo' Eye is Busted came in and was mean as usual. But this time she started getting all up on my shit like never before. What the fuck got into her. It is now Way Fucking Obvious that she hates my guts. Hey, just because MY eye isn't busted doesn't mean you can come into my store and be evil. Actually her eye got fixed but that just made her meaner. Maybe her busted eye was the last nice spot left in her body.
Whatever. I am learning to drive stick shift tonight it is going to be Glorious. I have new pictures posted if anyone cares.
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Tuesday, July 27, 2004
"we'll be safe inside the fireswamp..."
It's raining and I'm listening to "Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands" on repeat and everything is nice
I did not get married today. I was supposed to, but I called off the engagement about 3 years ago. I am glad I did for a few reasons:
1) My hair looked terrible today
2) I'm not in love with the ex-groom (is that what you call him?)
3) Collin
4) I have no car. You can't start a life with no car, you know
5) I worked all day, man
Is there a way that you can make myspace posts friends only? I haven't yet figured out how, and I would appreciate someone telling me. For the time being at least, any future significant mention of Collin and me or anything going on between the two of us will be made elsewhere. I am not sure WHERE yet. But i'm sure no one cares, and the only person who has any interest in reading about it is the one person I do not want reading about it. Okay
It stopped raining, which is horrible
"...we'll never survive" "nonsense. you only say that because no one ever has"
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Monday, July 26, 2004
everybody knows that baby's got new clothes
i am very tired and very cranky and in a lot of pain. it started last night with intense lower back pain that i could not shake. this morning when i woke up i had to pee immediately but instead of peeing yellow i peed blood. cool, i like that kind of stuff. about 5 minutes later, i had to pee again. blood. i decided i had a bladder infection. but my doctor is only open from 9-4 and guess what i had work from 9-4. i went into work and peed again. blood CLOTS. i started crying hysterically. my boss petted me on the head and told me to go home and see the doctor. i did. i went to the doctor and peed more clots. she said if i had waited another day i would have had to be in the hospital. instead, i have to swallow pills the size of my fist and push fluids. my back hurts
even though i am cranky, in general i am happy. i had decided whole-heartedly that i was not going to write in myspace anymore because it was causing problems. i sent a message to stefanie on myspace basically telling her that i wanted to make things as easy as possible for her, so i wanted to let her know that she could sent me something back telling me to stop blogging or posting pictures. i didn't get a response. but i did offer the olive branch, let's remember that. anyway, since i got no response, i decided i will not go away from myspace after all. let's all breathe a collective sigh of relief
collin asked me to be his girlfriend on friday. i said yes. just kidding, i said no first. but i meant yes. and i said yes. i decided yes. the next morning i went to warped tour and lots of things happened. i will maybe write about them in livejournal where i can lock it and not tell everyone my business. i would write about it here, but many many eyes see this blog. many more than i thought would ever be interested
i don't know. collin doesn't believe me when i say it, but i am happy
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uhm
i don't know. i think i might be going away from myspace for awhile. i don't know. i don't know
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Thursday, July 22, 2004
updates updates updates
at work yesterday i cut the shit out of my finger. there is a chunk missing from it. i would like to this that wherever that chunk is now, it is living on and carrying out my legacy. i think that the hunk of flesh missing from me was a rather important one, perhaps the chunk of flesh that controls my inhibitions, because i seemed to lose all self control for the rest of the night. i became extremely overexcited and danced and sang around work for the rest of the night
last night i came home from work and watched I Love the 90s and ate mixed chinese vegetables over rice with upside-down chopsticks. and afterwards i opened my fortune cookie and was completely horrified to find it said this:
A CARROT A DAY, MAY KEEP CANCER AWAY
yeah. my fortune said CANCER. and somebody should tell the gods about proper comma usage. jerks. i want to buy a pogo-stick and go pogo-crazy
after watching I Love the 90's i went over Rick's house. the boy i like was there. we watched the Karate Kid. it was good and Japanese. i had never seen that movie before, is that weird? after the movie was over, the boy and i went to denny's with Borta and John and Borta's co-workers. they were nice and normal. they had names, too. names like stephanie and eric and doug. everyone told stories and John and the boy i like bickered like an old married couple
then everyone went home but the boy i like came over to my house. we tried to watch the Princess Bride but it was like 3:30 and we were getting tired. we went into my bed and he fell asleep while i watched sportscenter. the sox won 14-0, did you know? anyway, he left at like 4, and normally i would be sad, but my sheets smelled kinda like his cologne after he left so i fell asleep happily
today is my mom's 50th birthday. that is old, but she is not old. she does not look or act 50. she is the greatest lady in the whole world. i love her
Safwan is having a party on friday. oh man, i'll see you soon Safwan's house. keep me away from the hard liquor
the Vans Warped Tour is on saturday. i hope that two certain people come and i get to meet one of them. the one i hope to meet is named Nate and i talked to him on the phone. i hear really great things about him so i hope he is really awesome. i bet he will be. he says "hooray"
Friday, July 16, 2004
paper dresses catch fire
in other news, things could not be more retarded. i am sick of morons. i am sick of girls who have scene hair instead of brains. i am sick of customers at gloria jean's who throw cookies at me when they do not like the prices. well. i take that back. it was pretty funny, actually
i wish i was very tired all the time like usual instead of very nauseous all the time. naseous or guilty. well both. that's all i have to offer these days. it is the guilt that makes my stomach hurt again, after a week or so of relief. i watch movies and clutch my stomach and think. i would like to move to Canada immediately
i wish my mom would have a baby so i would have something meaningful in my life, but not so meaningful that i can't still go on my trips. that is selfish. but the family would name the baby Mathematics Jinx and i would buy it lots and lots and lots of very tiny footwear
collin and mike and i went to improv night at ashbury's last night. it was kinda lame, but i had a really good time anyway. it was a lot of theatre fest kids. you know, the ones who sing and dance and act and yell all the time with no consideration with how you behave in polite company or in public at all? yes, the ones who need to be forced underground where they can be closely watched by people in prison as a form of horrible gut-wrenching torture for the prisoners
after the improv craziness we went to collin's house and watched most of gone fishin' with danny glover and joe peschi. it was really funny at first, but then it went insane. also, i slept through most of it because i was not feeling well. yes, i was not feeling well enough to stand even. i was very light headed ever since we got into collin's car. when we were lying on the couch i would occasionally grab onto his arm and try to pass it off as normal affection but mostly i was trying not to faint. i do not want to faint in front of collin for at least a month, or he might think i am odd. he already thinks i am quirky, let's keep it at that. he said i should stay there because it wasn't safe to drive home, but i had to come home. i wanted to stay, but what if my mom needed the car in the morning? i cannot let my mom down, ever
speaking of moms, where is mine? i woke up at a decent hour so i could hang out with her but she is nowhere to be found. i looked in her room and under the couch. no sign of her. did she go shopping? without me? i don't like it when i don't know where my mom is. i worry
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004
the secret to life is upside down
sunday at work i wrote little notes on my receipt paper and folded them and slipped them into boxes of tea
after work collin picked me up and we went to go find jack at the bowling alley on north avenue. did you know there are like 1980239 bowling alleys on north avenue? we went to the wrong one as you might have guessed so we went to see jeff for a little while until borta got off of work. we went to denny's and i talked with borta about how we used to hate eachother. then we argued loudly about who now loves the other one more. i went back to collin's where a frenchman is living for two weeks. we very quietly tiptoed around his apartment but then accidentally blasted "roxanne" by the police when we wanted to listen to bedtime music
when i woke up in the morning i listened to his bird chirp loudly. then i wondered if the bird was hungry and maybe i should feed it. then i couldn't think of what a bird would eat. some birds eat birdseed, but some eat rats and small children. i decided definitively that collin's bird is too small to eat a little boy or girl. i then got up to pee and i walked past the bird. it was still chirping and i felt a twinge of guilt for not instinctively knowing its diet
when collin woke up his hair looked awesome, but mine looked better. we vainly looked in the mirror and tried to fix ourselves but the attempt was fruitless. we went and ate chinese food. he took me through a horrible part of town on the way there. i closed my eyes and thought of happier things like butterflies and oral sex, which worked wonders. then we went into a really amazing ghetto store where i decided i am going to move into when i am older
we went back to his place and drank heavily starting at about 3pm. we chainsmoked outside and sang church songs and collin found out that i was homecoming queen my senior year of highschool. he then decided i was not as awesome as he originally thought, and drove me home immediatly. and by "drove me home immediatly" i mean he got me another beer. we tried to watch the boondock saints but that didn't work. rain check. we drove to borta's to watch i love the 90's which we only saw 20 minutes of, but it was awesome anyway. john started a conversation about shitting, which was a barrel of monkeys. we needed food after that so we got brownies from dominicks and drove to a couple of porn shops. the one by my house was one in which we were all welcome, but the one on lake street was forbidden, so collin was sent in as a spy. he came back horrified at what he had seen, but i told him he was very brave
we went to a pool hall where my hair glowed in the dark. we played team "solids and stripes" and collin and i won all three games. but i say amanda gets an honorary win because she scratched on the 8-ball twice. no fair
i went home and passed out quickly because sportscenter is really lame during the allstar break and i had no intense desire to watch it. when i woke up i couldn't wait to see my mom because i haven't seen her in two days but she went shopping with katie. this means i will not see her until august
lynn and allie and georgi and i decided that we are going to go to the mall of america. they have rollercoaster rides there, you know. lynn is going to my school, did you know! we will hang out and talk about our heritages and sing hanson medleys. i cannot wait
i am in the mood to watch a john candy movie. i think that uncle buck sounds good. i talked about that film at length with wheeler when i was in england. i miss john candy. john candy! i miss you
it is a nice day today, maybe i will go swimming, or run around in the yard with my dog. i tried to make her play fetch with me today but she was sleeping. i threw a tennis ball and yelled "go get it abbey!" but she turned around and went deeper under her blankets. jerk
well!
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Thursday, July 08, 2004
back in the USSR USA?
well i got my pictures back today, which means i will post them sometime soon if i can figure out how to post pictures on myspace. they are pretty interesting, especially because i have quite a few pictures with people whom i don't know. clearly i was drunk and friendly at the time
it is unusual but i have wistful nostalgia about college and sometimes really i did love waking up early feeling horrible and smoking a cigarette on the way to class and wearing my little skirts and legwarmers and lifting my pink umbrella above my head and carrying my shoes in my fist, and then the way i felt after class, sometimes also terrible but determined, and usually like everything was going to be okay even if it seemed unbearable. i can't believe what a lumpy slug i am right now. starting back will be hard and i will hate it and not be able to move for a few weeks but i will get used to it
i thought that when i got back into the states i was going to be bored and miserable since there is nothing to do here but smoke cigarettes and stare at the sky. but the fourth of july was a lot of fun and i've had a really nice past few days
a mosquito bit me on my face. i maybe should shave my legs. no. but i will stop writing boringly (boringly?) in here
p.s. borta since you asked so nicely (i.e. "wtf does vielleicht mean?!") it means "perhaps" in German. and i am obviously talking about sex with you. i hope john doesn't see this. he might go into another "my girlfriend and elizabeth are lesbians" phase
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Wednesday, July 07, 2004
since i don't have pictures yet i will tell you a little bit about england
i have not updated about London at all but that is because i do not have my pictures back yet. when i get my pictures posted, i will tell lots of stuff and maybe even publish a picture book. there are a lot of people in london i was really excited to meet. like certain british girls with green hair and certain hot matching best friends from istanbul
on my first train ride while i was out there i took care of a little old lady and wrote forty thousand pages in my train notebook about things that are secrets with myself. i write in cursive on trains so that people won't be able to sneak peeks at what i am saying as easily. but then i realized that i am sitting next to a little old lady writing in GRANDMA CODE. but she wasn't looking. she was so fucking nice. when we got off her family who were there to greet her thanked me for taking care of "nan" and there were smiles and bursting hearts
last night i spend the night with collin and his friend mike. my true love called me at midnight to see if i wanted to go to steak and shake with john katie eric and her. my heart exploded but i could not come. i was in st. charles. i love her and i will romance call her soon
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Friday, June 11, 2004
i am a bad friend
i talked to daniel on the phone earlier. we talked a lot about what happened at my birthday party. we made jokes but i know we both felt sad. we talked about all the crazy sex we used to have and when i stayed at his house in april, and how he teased me about my "everyone loves a Catholic girl" shirt. i know we both felt sad
i want to hang out with nikki today. i will call her later and beg her to be my best friend. she will smack me around, but it will be cool. we are going to see saved! i cannot wait
i told tim i would watch him play soccer and frisbee, but i lied. i have not seen him play once this summer, and i feel like a bad friend. i used to go to all of his soccer games, and cheer like i was his little sister or something. i am his little sister. or something
yesterday i got pounds from the bank. british money is pretty, american money is not. that is, it is not pretty until they put reagan on the 10 dollar bill. then it will pretty and conservative and green. it is green already, but the green will look prettier when reagan is on it
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Wednesday, June 09, 2004
i wish you would come pick me up
today barefield called me. it was exciting. exciting and fun. we talked about cigarettes and clothes and pubs. i cannot wait to get to the uk. also, dan's mum called me. we talked about the same things, only we also talked about ronald reagan, my beloved president. my second favorite one of all time. who died on my birthday
i asked tim for boy advice for the first time in years. he actually gave me really good advice and didn't make fun of me at all. he is like a real best friend sometimes. otherwise he is like a fake one. so for the most part we just beat eachother up and bum cigarettes off of one another. and get tattoos together
i did lots of banking today. i ordered pounds so i can take them to great britain. and transferred a crapload of money to my checking account so i can write colleen's mom a check. oh colleen and colleen's mom. how i love you both
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Saturday, June 05, 2004
silly borty
haha when i saw that john commented i was like, what? he is in iowa. do they have computers in iowa? anyway, he called me at midnight and i was like am i the first to say happy birthday? and i was like yes, thank you, how is iowa. and he was like well the cops just showed up. awesome
so far, my birthday has been shitty, just as it is every year. but usually by the night it is not bad, with the exception of last year. so i will wait for the happiness and fun to arrive. my uncle and my only living grandparent sent me cards, but no money. normally, that would not bother me. however, on my brother's birthday in may, he got money from both of them. isn't that nice? nice and fair and family-like? what's left of my extended family mostly hates me because i am not a boy. damn you, XX chromosome
nikki and donna and KAROLINE said happy birthday. i love them. tim and i are going to take a road trip tomorrow to get tattoos. is that fun or what
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maybe i will make this a bulletin, too
i want bangs, but i know they will look terrible on me. elizabeth, you have curly hair. you cannot cut bangs like a whimsical straight-haired beauty. i think of when people in movies have bangs and how i always like it a lot
tonight i am going to see farewell anthem, not once, but twice. i will hit on nikki as much as possible while i am there. my goal is to take her viriginity, not once, but twice. ew, mark steffan just got online. i saw him driving in his car yesterday while i was driving in my car. i almost drove off a nonexistent cliff to end my suffering
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Thursday, June 03, 2004
.............love
love is reverence, and worship, and glory, and the upward glance. not a bandage for dirty sores. but they don't know it. those who speak of love most promiscuously are the ones who've never felt it. they make some sort of feeble stew out of sympathy, compassion, contempt and general indifference, and they call it love. once you've felt what it means to love as you and i know it - the total passion for the total height - you're incapable of anything less
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Tuesday, June 01, 2004
john!
happy birthday john, i love you. even though you're fucking disgusting
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i need you so much closer. so come on
i got three hours of sleep last night and i am still not eating to the point where i cannot stop myself from throwing up afterwards. i am disillusioned with eating. rather, my body is. i am not trying to throw up, it is. it does not like food anymore. the same thing happened to me last may, and i lost ten pounds and had no boobs. but it's not the same as it was. last time i was upset about daniel. i am not upset about him anymore. i guess i am in some sort of ambiguously depressive fit. i don't know
in my pocket are a lot of notes i wrote on receipt paper or the back of these little glossy revlon ads. i plan to scatter them throughout the universe
i am so confused right now. today was not bad, but i feel like it was. the greek word por-nei'a, translated as "fornication," has a fairly broad meaning. it relates to sexual relations involving persons not married to each other and focuses on the misuse of the sexual organs. por-nei'a includes such acts as oral sex, anal sex, and masturbating another person-- conduct commonly associated with houses of prostitution. THE HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION THAT IS MY BEDROOM. i am such a liar, there is no house of prostitution anywhere near my bedroom
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i don't like how you are forced to write a subject line
why is it that when i look at my profile, it says i am 18, but when i look at all of my blogs, it says i am 19. i am not 19. yet. i like how i am updating in this a whole lot, which i do with all of my journals when i first get them. i am like I WILL UPDATE 982309809 TIMES PER DAY. but then later there is very little afterglow, and i am forced to fade out of journals (i.e. livejournal/greatestjournal)
thank God i do not have to work today. yesterday, work was Hell. i kind of hope eric dies, and as soon as possible. georgi was hoping that hospitals were not open on memorial day weekend so we could spill scalding water on him and no help would be offered. he is walking stupidity. he gropes me and hits on me and doesn't know how to make a mocha chiller. i don't know, i do not usually like it when people corner me at work and tell me they want to have sex with me. it is especially bad when they guy doing it is a total jackass. i don't mind when mike rongo does it, he is silly. he is like, i have a girlfriend, but if you wanted to wait until i was "sleeping" we could do it and that way i cannot be blamed. boys at work are weird
speaking of weird boys, why did this one rapper add me? at first i was excited because i had a new friend, but then i saw that he spelled "listen" as "lission." yes i am serious. i wept and blocked him. is that mean?
john you better come to my birthday party or else. i haven't figured out the else, but expect it to be bad
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Monday, May 31, 2004
today colleen got run over by a semi, which then reversed back over her
can anyone please tell me how to unadd tom as my friend? he is creepy, and my profile clearly says no creepy men. i feel very odd and unsettled. i sort of want to get drunk and obnoxious. kind of on purpose though. as in I AM FED UP WITH YOU, LIVER, SO I AM GOING TO DRINK A LOT OF WINE AND YOU ARE GOING TO PAY. but it would be unnatural and alcoholic-like to drink alone, so i will write in myspace for solace. tomorrow my grandpa is coming over for a family barbecue but i do not want to be there. that is awful, and i am awful. i am an awful awful girl and an awful awful grand-daughter (is that hyphenated?). but it will be the first time i have seen him since my grandma died and i am worried that i will cry and cry and throw myself on the ground and cry into the grass and make a scene. i do not want to upset him. i bet he is lonely after they spent 59 years together and now he is alone. i do not want to be here. i want to go to dave's and be drunk and hold hands with nikki. that way, i will not have to think about my sad lonely grandpa and my missing grandma. i don't like memorial day
colleen got in a car accident today. she is okay, but her car isn't. to cheer her up, i came over. that is enough to cheer anyone up, i think. then colleen nikki matt justin and i played hide and seek. justin found every single way in the world to scare me to tears because he is cruel and uses the powers of stealth. i like hanging out with those kids. a lot. but sometimes i am like, well, it is colleen and justin. and nikki and matt. and me. gather from that what you will
we played uno, and nikki won the first game. colleen said she won it though. i won the second game. then we drove home, but first i hit matt's car. i cried on the drive home. i got into my house and my brother was here. i said, "brother, why are are you here?" he said, "sister, why are you crying?" i said, "grandpa is coming over tomorrow" he said, "oh" then i came in my room. i feel so guilty! but what if i cannot stop crying in front of him. i do not want to remind him that grandma is not here. i want to go to bed and not think anymore
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Saturday, May 29, 2004
you wanna talk about pain? let's talk about pain, motherfucker
why the Hell did it take me a full day to figure out how to "blog" on this thing? apparently, i am moron, and i take offense to the fact that myspace is not easier to use. how else are retards like myself supposed to figure this thing out. i should put up some pictures of myself, i guess. i feel like i should post how i post in greatestjournal, but this feels odd and not quite like greatestjournal. for some reason, i feel like i have to be far more interesting
i went to the ap project house to see farewell anthem last night with gay matt. we got lost like a couple of morons, but we got to see some houses that are worth more than my whole town. it was kinda worth it. also, we stopped in the middle of the road to talk to some lady on a bicycle. matt and i are friendly, by the way. we got to the house and right away saw mary and scott, which was exciting. i wandered around looking for dave so i could make him kiss me on the cheek. it worked, several times, even after i stopped asking for kisses. i formally met bob and dustin, and the drummer i guess, i do not remember his name. he was trying to taunt the police or something; what a genius. i also met this cool kid nick, with whom matt and i hid when the cops showed up. after most of the people left, we came out of the woods and got back to drinking. i got pretty trashed, as did sixty percent of the members in farewell anthem. cool. they played a great show though. scott did a drunken handstand, and dave hit me in my ovaries with his guitar. it hurt a lot, but i pretended like it didn't, so i could maybe be kinda cool in my own drunken slut way. so instead of doubling over in pain, i adjusted my purse, and consequently spilled beer all down my back and ass. i went upstairs to dry myself off, and two guys told me that even though my ass was wet, it was nice. i punched them both in the mouth. just kidding, i smiled at them. some time during this commotion, (i forgot how to spell commotion) colleen and sarah showed up. awesome, colleen is my best friend. anyway, farewell anthem finished and i ran outside with colleen and matt so we could go to ihop. we stopped to talk to dave and scott for awhile, then ran some more. i drove with matt, and colleen drove by herself. i (thought) i dialed her phone number and she did not answer, so i left her a 20 minute message. it turns out, colleen has no voice mail, so someone got a message of me saying such things as: "colleen, i cannot wait until we are older and i will be pregnant all of the time and you will still be going to shows and you will have to fill me in on the scene" and "i have to pee." i came home after ihop and added everyone i know to my friends in a drunken stupor. i am lying, i forgot to add mary. i will do that now
today i woke up and my hip/ovaries were in pain. i looked down and i could see all the tiny little blood vessels that had burst. then i went back to sleep and dreamt about paul konerko. cool. i think that perhaps i should have a signature thing that i do in every entry. like, some people would be like, <3333 elizabeth <3333 or something at the end. maybe instead of that i will say what color undies i am wearing. white and lacey today, guys. sorry i'm so boring. but kinda quirky, right?
this morning my mom said, "you will be nineteen soon! do you feel nineteen? or one hundred?" "one hundred." "you have always been one hundred."
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Monday, August 30, 2004
Happy Birthday Collin
Hi Everyone Who Reads My Blogs. It is My Boyfriend's birthday. What did you get him for a present? It better be good, and it better not be wheels for his skates because I already got him those and I don't want any competition. He is 22 today, that is old. I mean, not old at all. Very Young in fact. Sorry Collin, you are not old. Just older than me, I guess. Let's go to Canada
Collin is going to have a joint birthday party with Borta. This will be brilliant, I am sure. Because I like Collin AND I like Borta. I bought Borta's birthday present yesterday. Collin said, "That is the type of thing she would have. She will like it." I said, "I KNOW SHE WILL LIKE IT SHE IS MY FRIEND HELLO." Just kidding, I said, "Yes :-D" and that is what I meant, too. This party will be great I am sure. I bet there will be party favors even. Maybe there will be dancing to "MMMBop" by Hanson. Also, maybe other exciting things will happen? One never does know!!
Time for a romance survey. Fill it out and post it, bitches. Or if romance is not your thing, don't read it I guess. BUT YOU ARE MISSING OUT
I. YOUR FIRST KISS:
a. How old were you? 12 PRETEEN SLUT
b. Where did it happen? At Allison's house
c. When did it happen? Winter of 97
d. Who initiated the kiss? Michael Buonincontro
e. Was there a second kiss with that same person later? No he is not heterosexual
II. YOUR FRIENDS LIST
a. Ever dated anyone who's on Myspace? Collin! But I met him before I knew about his myspace
b. Would you consider dating anyone on your Myspace? Collin
c. Have you kissed anyone on your Myspace? Collin, Colleen, Borta. John too! I forgot about that. John you sly devil, tricking me into kissing you on New Years
d. Based on all the things you've read in their journals, which of your LJ Friends do you think is the most romantic (apart from yourself)? Scott Maybe?
a. What were the circumstances of the best kiss you ever shared with anyone? This is not fair. I have had quite a few great kisses. But the best best best one in recent memory was actually yesterday. Collin and I were in my dormroom and we were standing in the center of it picking up our stuff and starting to get ready to go out and then out of nowhere he put his hand on my face started kissing me and I wasn't expecting it and I was like Wow. Yes. Hell Yes. This is the Best. And then I wanted to do it with him a lot of times but we really had to be going. But we kept kissing for awhile. And it was hot. And okay sorry
b. Briefly describe the best date you ever had? I don't think I go on dates
c. What's the longest dating relationship you ever had? Too Long
d. What's the most romantic gift you ever gave anyone you were dating? I bought Collin wheels for his rollerblades, because I knew he would like them better than pretty much anything else. That's romance
e. What's the most romantic gift anyone ever gave you when you were dating? Daniel got me a stuffed dog because it had a nametag on it and it's name was Scooter and I had a little stuffed dog when I was little and its name was Scooter but I lost him
IV. THE WORST TIMES
a. What were the circumstances of the worst kiss you ever shared? I kissed this one guy, Zack. And he was just horrible. Just horrible
b. Have you ever done something stupid that caused a relationship to end? I have only ever broken up with someone. I have never had anyone break up with me. So
V. OTHER ROMANTIC STUFF
a. What's the most romantic season? Fall and the Beginning of Winter. Like around Christmas. Ah, Romance
b. What's your favorite romantic movie? The Princess Bride! Romance!
c. Who is the best leading man in romantic movies? I think that Nicolas Cage is super romantic in The Family Man
d. Who is the best leading woman in romance movies? Audrey Hepburn
e. Who is the most romantic TV couple? Conan and Andy
f. What's your favorite romantic song? "Divorcee" - Kill Creek. It is sad, but very passionate and romantic
g. If you could take a boy/girlfriend to any country in the world for a weekend of romance, what country would you choose? Austria!
h. If you could describe the key to a good romance in five words or less, what would it be? UNEXPECTED TABOO INTIMATE INTENSE UNPREDICTABLE
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Saturday, August 28, 2004
COLLEEN SMOKES CIGARETTES
Holy Shit. Collin and John and I met Borta and her work friends and Colleen and Nikki at Denny's and. Fucking. Colleen. Pulls. Out. A. Pack. Of. Camels. I almost wept for joy. Oh my little angel is all grown up. I never thought this day would come. Time to take her shopping for big girl clothes and maybe her first pair of dangle earrings
Collin and John and I went to Grayslake for skating HOWEVER it rained so John got drunk and I ate Pizza Hut. Not food from Pizza Hut, I mean the whole Hut. Then we went to Krakbaby's apartment and drank more beer and watched Rushing Roulette. Collin and I went out to the car to "get alcohol" and it took us about 45 minutes but when we came back John had no clue what happened. He was like "I was worried about you guys!" Oh John and his innocence
Sometimes I wish that my best friend and my boyfriend did not have matching names because I get confused. I have to go back to ISU soon I guess. I guess I go to school there, huh?
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Sunday, August 22, 2004
And that CD sells. Yeah what a hit
Good morning all. I am going to do a big update on the goings-on in my life as of late. Prepare yourselves, or get the fuck out
Family: I miss them. Except for Michael, because he goes to school with me. But I miss my mom already, and I expect to miss my dad the next time I watch a sox game. And Abbey must be terribly lonely without me
Friends: Well, I've left two of my best ones at home, and the other one goes to U of I. Sucks. I got to spend the last night at home with the two I left at home. We went to Collin's and got CRUNK. Colleen smoked cigarettes. No, like she actually inhaled them. It was insane. I found out that John had been under the impression that I was a super-human who emotion and alcohol did not affect. He found out that he was wrong. I have to transition to my school friends. It is hard though, as I ran into a couple of them on the porch yesterday and all I heard was, "Where's Jessi?" "Where's your smoking buddy?" "Where's your Partner in Crime?" SIGH JESSI. I wish she did not live in an apartment. Come back to Dunn Hall, Jessica Dewitt
School: Well, I am here. I am adjusting. I am avoiding taking a shower like it's my job. But after this update I guess I don't have a choice. There is a lot of stuff that still needs to be set up in here. Like the TV, and the phone. Whatever. Beata and I haven't really done much with the room, we decided we will worry about it after Labor Day Weekend. And. My. Fucking. Bed. Is the squeakiest fucking bed in the history of the world. It squeaks when I breathe. Seriously. Beata's squeaks, too. She Christened the room on Wednesday night and said, "MY BED IS A FUCKING DISASTER" Yes, Beata. Mine will be a disaster soon, too
Roommate: I love her. Beata is wonderful. We do not seem as if we would get along, but we do, and really well. She hangs out with a much different crowd (the frat boys) and is much louder than me (if that's possible). But as far as living together goes, we are both really laid back, and I think that will work well
Romance: Collin. Collin Collin Collin. I don't know what to say. I could probably just type his name a bunch of times, but that would defeat the purpose of an "update". I am very happy with him. It is really crappy for us to be away from eachother considering how new the relationship is. But he will be busy with skating and school and I will be busy with smoking cigarettes and taking naps. I don't know. This doesn't section really doesn't explain anything about Collin and Me. I am not comfortable really with talking about him unless it is in a sexual manner. Is that weird? Yes. Ugh, he gives me butterflies. THERE. Happy now?
Life: For the most part, I am happy. I have wonderful friends, a fantastic boyfriend, a loving family, and a great roommate. But. Being away from home. It's awful
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Friday, August 20, 2004
Farewell
I am packing. Packing packing packing. I do not like it. I want to stay
Well. I have to take my computer now. So farewell Myspace. Until I get my computer hooked back up. Peace out Craig
3:32 PM - 2 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, August 19, 2004
You're laughing. I'm not laughing
I go back to school in two days. I will probably cry a lot Friday night, because that's what I did the day before I went to school last year. I hate school. I hate ISU. I am applying to Northern for next semester. It is so much closer to home. I fucking hate being away from home. Why do I even go to school? I don't want to get a career
I am beginning to think that I really just want to have a child and a husband and a little cottage outside the city. It will be my secret that I am interesting and clever and talented. Yes. If I have a bit of time between chores and cooking and tending to the child, I will draw creepy pictures and write bits of poems, and then I will hide them away in a box. I will get an allowance from my husband and spend it on new dresses and hats, like Lucy and Ethel always did. Then maybe my child will be wildly famous or successful, and in my old age I will be bought fabulous mansions and cars, and I'll die in Paris with my husband in a very large canopy bed
I have to pack for school. I have to talk to Collin
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Thursday, August 12, 2004
This is going to be a crazy weekend
Where am I sleeping when I need a nap before leaving for Minneapolis from Colleen's birthday party?
And with whom?
Eh?
Eh?
Eh?
Birthday Girl? Lookin in your direction wink wink I'M FUCKING GAY wink wink
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Saturday, August 07, 2004
Myspace misspelled August
So. Rick James died.
11:47 PM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Friday, August 06, 2004
FUCKC:L":LKAS:LKSDDK
Hello, myspace. Today relatives who I have never met are arriving at my house. My mom decided to tell me that they would be arriving in a half an hour oh about 2 MINUTES AGO WHILE I WAS DEAD ASLEEP. Thanks mom, I now have plenty of time to clean up my messy-ass room and look half-decent for company. I really appreciate it. DAMNITDFUFCKC(**)#@JHKJLKS now i am in a fucking bad mood. I am so pissed off right now. Fucking Shit.
Whatever, I had a really nice day yesterday and I spent time with Colleen and Nikki and while I was with them Colleen asked me if I wanted to get my nipples pierced. Then Collin called me at 2:15 in the morning and made me all smilie and shit and now it is RUINED. RUINED. Fuck.
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Tuesday, August 03, 2004
john is the new dr. phil
these new drugs: my mom found i smoke
these new drugs: she's not thrilled
PresidentManley: bummer
PresidentManley: when did she find out
these new drugs: yesterday
PresidentManley: lame
PresidentManley: she isnt taking her anger out on abbey is she
these new drugs: hahahhaha
these new drugs: no of course not
PresidentManley: ok good
PresidentManley: how did she find out
these new drugs: i just kept leaving cigarettes around my room
these new drugs: so she found like 6 packs and was like, "elizabeth, are you smoking?"
these new drugs: and i was like "yes"
PresidentManley: that will do it
these new drugs: at least i was honest!
PresidentManley: yeah
these new drugs: i shoulda been like geez i don't know where those packs came from
PresidentManley: you should have blamed them on collin
these new drugs: yeah that would have made a really great impression
PresidentManley: been like, "whenever he sleeps over he smokes a pack after sex and just drops them on the floor"
PresidentManley: hahaha
PresidentManley: they would have loved it
these new drugs: yes yes that is what i should have done
PresidentManley: ok, probably not
these new drugs: yes you are right
PresidentManley: but it would have taken the concern away from the smoking and toward the strange boy sleeping in the house
PresidentManley: and you could have blamed the boy thing on "love:-*" and your mom would be all excited that you are in love, and suddenly you would be planning a wedding, instead of being yelled at for smoking
these new drugs: ahahahhaha. yeah except then when she found out i am not actually in love with collin or vice versa she would be terribly shamed
PresidentManley: but then your dad would buy you things to make you happy because that mean boy broke your heart
these new drugs: yes but i would still be with the mean boy, just not in love with him
PresidentManley: shit
11:25 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Reno 911 is on! Peace izzawt bitches
Today I feel 15 years old. My mom found out I smoked? Anyway, she is really mad and lectured me about my health and how I have a lot of nerve smoking after all the trips to the heart specialist(s) and lung specialist(s) to which she took me. Then she mentioned how my grandma died of lung cancer. It's a good thing she said that because I had completely forgotten that my grandma died 3 months ago. That was mean and selfish of me to say. I take it back. I understand my mom's point, and I know why she is sad and disappointed. But I like smoking. And I will continue to do it
Since I was feeling 15 today, I decided to pull out the journal in which I wrote when I was 15. I don't know if I really knew this before, but when I was fifteen I was apparently STARK RAVING MAD? Reading those entries was like reading about the life of a complete stranger. I did very odd things and wrote about odd things. The things I was writing about in that journal were just so terrible and sometimes sad and sometimes so completely misguided...I kept saying "I feel sick. I feel sick. I feel sick." The thing is is that I wonder if that year was just something that happens sometimes to teenagers, you go a little crazy, you start chainsmoking, your life ends and then you make a new one and now you are okay and you really like your stupid job and all your friends and kissing your boyfriend and cleaning your house
Okay, I am going to go update about Collin somewhere else? Maybe. I am kinda lazy right now
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Saturday, July 31, 2004
i hate customers?
Today we had the worst customers ever. We have some good customers, like Legs and the Swingers. Legs is a transvestite who has not made the complete transition but has womanly shaven legs which are as good as if not better than Cameron Diaz's. He still has a mullet, but I bet he will get some good fashion advice soon. The Swingers are this group of 3 people aged 60-65 who are polygomists. The two men and the one woman come in for decaf coffee all the time. The lady always has a man on each side and kisses both of them. They are nice, and I bet they play cards when they go home at night.
ANYWAY. None of those nice fun people came in today. We had a lady who bitched about her Iced Mocha until she got it for free. AND Yo' Eye is Busted came in and was mean as usual. But this time she started getting all up on my shit like never before. What the fuck got into her. It is now Way Fucking Obvious that she hates my guts. Hey, just because MY eye isn't busted doesn't mean you can come into my store and be evil. Actually her eye got fixed but that just made her meaner. Maybe her busted eye was the last nice spot left in her body.
Whatever. I am learning to drive stick shift tonight it is going to be Glorious. I have new pictures posted if anyone cares.
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Tuesday, July 27, 2004
"we'll be safe inside the fireswamp..."
It's raining and I'm listening to "Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands" on repeat and everything is nice
I did not get married today. I was supposed to, but I called off the engagement about 3 years ago. I am glad I did for a few reasons:
1) My hair looked terrible today
2) I'm not in love with the ex-groom (is that what you call him?)
3) Collin
4) I have no car. You can't start a life with no car, you know
5) I worked all day, man
Is there a way that you can make myspace posts friends only? I haven't yet figured out how, and I would appreciate someone telling me. For the time being at least, any future significant mention of Collin and me or anything going on between the two of us will be made elsewhere. I am not sure WHERE yet. But i'm sure no one cares, and the only person who has any interest in reading about it is the one person I do not want reading about it. Okay
It stopped raining, which is horrible
"...we'll never survive" "nonsense. you only say that because no one ever has"
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Monday, July 26, 2004
everybody knows that baby's got new clothes
i am very tired and very cranky and in a lot of pain. it started last night with intense lower back pain that i could not shake. this morning when i woke up i had to pee immediately but instead of peeing yellow i peed blood. cool, i like that kind of stuff. about 5 minutes later, i had to pee again. blood. i decided i had a bladder infection. but my doctor is only open from 9-4 and guess what i had work from 9-4. i went into work and peed again. blood CLOTS. i started crying hysterically. my boss petted me on the head and told me to go home and see the doctor. i did. i went to the doctor and peed more clots. she said if i had waited another day i would have had to be in the hospital. instead, i have to swallow pills the size of my fist and push fluids. my back hurts
even though i am cranky, in general i am happy. i had decided whole-heartedly that i was not going to write in myspace anymore because it was causing problems. i sent a message to stefanie on myspace basically telling her that i wanted to make things as easy as possible for her, so i wanted to let her know that she could sent me something back telling me to stop blogging or posting pictures. i didn't get a response. but i did offer the olive branch, let's remember that. anyway, since i got no response, i decided i will not go away from myspace after all. let's all breathe a collective sigh of relief
collin asked me to be his girlfriend on friday. i said yes. just kidding, i said no first. but i meant yes. and i said yes. i decided yes. the next morning i went to warped tour and lots of things happened. i will maybe write about them in livejournal where i can lock it and not tell everyone my business. i would write about it here, but many many eyes see this blog. many more than i thought would ever be interested
i don't know. collin doesn't believe me when i say it, but i am happy
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uhm
i don't know. i think i might be going away from myspace for awhile. i don't know. i don't know
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Thursday, July 22, 2004
updates updates updates
at work yesterday i cut the shit out of my finger. there is a chunk missing from it. i would like to this that wherever that chunk is now, it is living on and carrying out my legacy. i think that the hunk of flesh missing from me was a rather important one, perhaps the chunk of flesh that controls my inhibitions, because i seemed to lose all self control for the rest of the night. i became extremely overexcited and danced and sang around work for the rest of the night
last night i came home from work and watched I Love the 90s and ate mixed chinese vegetables over rice with upside-down chopsticks. and afterwards i opened my fortune cookie and was completely horrified to find it said this:
A CARROT A DAY, MAY KEEP CANCER AWAY
yeah. my fortune said CANCER. and somebody should tell the gods about proper comma usage. jerks. i want to buy a pogo-stick and go pogo-crazy
after watching I Love the 90's i went over Rick's house. the boy i like was there. we watched the Karate Kid. it was good and Japanese. i had never seen that movie before, is that weird? after the movie was over, the boy and i went to denny's with Borta and John and Borta's co-workers. they were nice and normal. they had names, too. names like stephanie and eric and doug. everyone told stories and John and the boy i like bickered like an old married couple
then everyone went home but the boy i like came over to my house. we tried to watch the Princess Bride but it was like 3:30 and we were getting tired. we went into my bed and he fell asleep while i watched sportscenter. the sox won 14-0, did you know? anyway, he left at like 4, and normally i would be sad, but my sheets smelled kinda like his cologne after he left so i fell asleep happily
today is my mom's 50th birthday. that is old, but she is not old. she does not look or act 50. she is the greatest lady in the whole world. i love her
Safwan is having a party on friday. oh man, i'll see you soon Safwan's house. keep me away from the hard liquor
the Vans Warped Tour is on saturday. i hope that two certain people come and i get to meet one of them. the one i hope to meet is named Nate and i talked to him on the phone. i hear really great things about him so i hope he is really awesome. i bet he will be. he says "hooray"
Friday, July 16, 2004
paper dresses catch fire
in other news, things could not be more retarded. i am sick of morons. i am sick of girls who have scene hair instead of brains. i am sick of customers at gloria jean's who throw cookies at me when they do not like the prices. well. i take that back. it was pretty funny, actually
i wish i was very tired all the time like usual instead of very nauseous all the time. naseous or guilty. well both. that's all i have to offer these days. it is the guilt that makes my stomach hurt again, after a week or so of relief. i watch movies and clutch my stomach and think. i would like to move to Canada immediately
i wish my mom would have a baby so i would have something meaningful in my life, but not so meaningful that i can't still go on my trips. that is selfish. but the family would name the baby Mathematics Jinx and i would buy it lots and lots and lots of very tiny footwear
collin and mike and i went to improv night at ashbury's last night. it was kinda lame, but i had a really good time anyway. it was a lot of theatre fest kids. you know, the ones who sing and dance and act and yell all the time with no consideration with how you behave in polite company or in public at all? yes, the ones who need to be forced underground where they can be closely watched by people in prison as a form of horrible gut-wrenching torture for the prisoners
after the improv craziness we went to collin's house and watched most of gone fishin' with danny glover and joe peschi. it was really funny at first, but then it went insane. also, i slept through most of it because i was not feeling well. yes, i was not feeling well enough to stand even. i was very light headed ever since we got into collin's car. when we were lying on the couch i would occasionally grab onto his arm and try to pass it off as normal affection but mostly i was trying not to faint. i do not want to faint in front of collin for at least a month, or he might think i am odd. he already thinks i am quirky, let's keep it at that. he said i should stay there because it wasn't safe to drive home, but i had to come home. i wanted to stay, but what if my mom needed the car in the morning? i cannot let my mom down, ever
speaking of moms, where is mine? i woke up at a decent hour so i could hang out with her but she is nowhere to be found. i looked in her room and under the couch. no sign of her. did she go shopping? without me? i don't like it when i don't know where my mom is. i worry
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004
the secret to life is upside down
sunday at work i wrote little notes on my receipt paper and folded them and slipped them into boxes of tea
after work collin picked me up and we went to go find jack at the bowling alley on north avenue. did you know there are like 1980239 bowling alleys on north avenue? we went to the wrong one as you might have guessed so we went to see jeff for a little while until borta got off of work. we went to denny's and i talked with borta about how we used to hate eachother. then we argued loudly about who now loves the other one more. i went back to collin's where a frenchman is living for two weeks. we very quietly tiptoed around his apartment but then accidentally blasted "roxanne" by the police when we wanted to listen to bedtime music
when i woke up in the morning i listened to his bird chirp loudly. then i wondered if the bird was hungry and maybe i should feed it. then i couldn't think of what a bird would eat. some birds eat birdseed, but some eat rats and small children. i decided definitively that collin's bird is too small to eat a little boy or girl. i then got up to pee and i walked past the bird. it was still chirping and i felt a twinge of guilt for not instinctively knowing its diet
when collin woke up his hair looked awesome, but mine looked better. we vainly looked in the mirror and tried to fix ourselves but the attempt was fruitless. we went and ate chinese food. he took me through a horrible part of town on the way there. i closed my eyes and thought of happier things like butterflies and oral sex, which worked wonders. then we went into a really amazing ghetto store where i decided i am going to move into when i am older
we went back to his place and drank heavily starting at about 3pm. we chainsmoked outside and sang church songs and collin found out that i was homecoming queen my senior year of highschool. he then decided i was not as awesome as he originally thought, and drove me home immediatly. and by "drove me home immediatly" i mean he got me another beer. we tried to watch the boondock saints but that didn't work. rain check. we drove to borta's to watch i love the 90's which we only saw 20 minutes of, but it was awesome anyway. john started a conversation about shitting, which was a barrel of monkeys. we needed food after that so we got brownies from dominicks and drove to a couple of porn shops. the one by my house was one in which we were all welcome, but the one on lake street was forbidden, so collin was sent in as a spy. he came back horrified at what he had seen, but i told him he was very brave
we went to a pool hall where my hair glowed in the dark. we played team "solids and stripes" and collin and i won all three games. but i say amanda gets an honorary win because she scratched on the 8-ball twice. no fair
i went home and passed out quickly because sportscenter is really lame during the allstar break and i had no intense desire to watch it. when i woke up i couldn't wait to see my mom because i haven't seen her in two days but she went shopping with katie. this means i will not see her until august
lynn and allie and georgi and i decided that we are going to go to the mall of america. they have rollercoaster rides there, you know. lynn is going to my school, did you know! we will hang out and talk about our heritages and sing hanson medleys. i cannot wait
i am in the mood to watch a john candy movie. i think that uncle buck sounds good. i talked about that film at length with wheeler when i was in england. i miss john candy. john candy! i miss you
it is a nice day today, maybe i will go swimming, or run around in the yard with my dog. i tried to make her play fetch with me today but she was sleeping. i threw a tennis ball and yelled "go get it abbey!" but she turned around and went deeper under her blankets. jerk
well!
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Thursday, July 08, 2004
back in the USSR USA?
well i got my pictures back today, which means i will post them sometime soon if i can figure out how to post pictures on myspace. they are pretty interesting, especially because i have quite a few pictures with people whom i don't know. clearly i was drunk and friendly at the time
it is unusual but i have wistful nostalgia about college and sometimes really i did love waking up early feeling horrible and smoking a cigarette on the way to class and wearing my little skirts and legwarmers and lifting my pink umbrella above my head and carrying my shoes in my fist, and then the way i felt after class, sometimes also terrible but determined, and usually like everything was going to be okay even if it seemed unbearable. i can't believe what a lumpy slug i am right now. starting back will be hard and i will hate it and not be able to move for a few weeks but i will get used to it
i thought that when i got back into the states i was going to be bored and miserable since there is nothing to do here but smoke cigarettes and stare at the sky. but the fourth of july was a lot of fun and i've had a really nice past few days
a mosquito bit me on my face. i maybe should shave my legs. no. but i will stop writing boringly (boringly?) in here
p.s. borta since you asked so nicely (i.e. "wtf does vielleicht mean?!") it means "perhaps" in German. and i am obviously talking about sex with you. i hope john doesn't see this. he might go into another "my girlfriend and elizabeth are lesbians" phase
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Wednesday, July 07, 2004
since i don't have pictures yet i will tell you a little bit about england
i have not updated about London at all but that is because i do not have my pictures back yet. when i get my pictures posted, i will tell lots of stuff and maybe even publish a picture book. there are a lot of people in london i was really excited to meet. like certain british girls with green hair and certain hot matching best friends from istanbul
on my first train ride while i was out there i took care of a little old lady and wrote forty thousand pages in my train notebook about things that are secrets with myself. i write in cursive on trains so that people won't be able to sneak peeks at what i am saying as easily. but then i realized that i am sitting next to a little old lady writing in GRANDMA CODE. but she wasn't looking. she was so fucking nice. when we got off her family who were there to greet her thanked me for taking care of "nan" and there were smiles and bursting hearts
last night i spend the night with collin and his friend mike. my true love called me at midnight to see if i wanted to go to steak and shake with john katie eric and her. my heart exploded but i could not come. i was in st. charles. i love her and i will romance call her soon
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Friday, June 11, 2004
i am a bad friend
i talked to daniel on the phone earlier. we talked a lot about what happened at my birthday party. we made jokes but i know we both felt sad. we talked about all the crazy sex we used to have and when i stayed at his house in april, and how he teased me about my "everyone loves a Catholic girl" shirt. i know we both felt sad
i want to hang out with nikki today. i will call her later and beg her to be my best friend. she will smack me around, but it will be cool. we are going to see saved! i cannot wait
i told tim i would watch him play soccer and frisbee, but i lied. i have not seen him play once this summer, and i feel like a bad friend. i used to go to all of his soccer games, and cheer like i was his little sister or something. i am his little sister. or something
yesterday i got pounds from the bank. british money is pretty, american money is not. that is, it is not pretty until they put reagan on the 10 dollar bill. then it will pretty and conservative and green. it is green already, but the green will look prettier when reagan is on it
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Wednesday, June 09, 2004
i wish you would come pick me up
today barefield called me. it was exciting. exciting and fun. we talked about cigarettes and clothes and pubs. i cannot wait to get to the uk. also, dan's mum called me. we talked about the same things, only we also talked about ronald reagan, my beloved president. my second favorite one of all time. who died on my birthday
i asked tim for boy advice for the first time in years. he actually gave me really good advice and didn't make fun of me at all. he is like a real best friend sometimes. otherwise he is like a fake one. so for the most part we just beat eachother up and bum cigarettes off of one another. and get tattoos together
i did lots of banking today. i ordered pounds so i can take them to great britain. and transferred a crapload of money to my checking account so i can write colleen's mom a check. oh colleen and colleen's mom. how i love you both
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Saturday, June 05, 2004
silly borty
haha when i saw that john commented i was like, what? he is in iowa. do they have computers in iowa? anyway, he called me at midnight and i was like am i the first to say happy birthday? and i was like yes, thank you, how is iowa. and he was like well the cops just showed up. awesome
so far, my birthday has been shitty, just as it is every year. but usually by the night it is not bad, with the exception of last year. so i will wait for the happiness and fun to arrive. my uncle and my only living grandparent sent me cards, but no money. normally, that would not bother me. however, on my brother's birthday in may, he got money from both of them. isn't that nice? nice and fair and family-like? what's left of my extended family mostly hates me because i am not a boy. damn you, XX chromosome
nikki and donna and KAROLINE said happy birthday. i love them. tim and i are going to take a road trip tomorrow to get tattoos. is that fun or what
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maybe i will make this a bulletin, too
i want bangs, but i know they will look terrible on me. elizabeth, you have curly hair. you cannot cut bangs like a whimsical straight-haired beauty. i think of when people in movies have bangs and how i always like it a lot
tonight i am going to see farewell anthem, not once, but twice. i will hit on nikki as much as possible while i am there. my goal is to take her viriginity, not once, but twice. ew, mark steffan just got online. i saw him driving in his car yesterday while i was driving in my car. i almost drove off a nonexistent cliff to end my suffering
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Thursday, June 03, 2004
.............love
love is reverence, and worship, and glory, and the upward glance. not a bandage for dirty sores. but they don't know it. those who speak of love most promiscuously are the ones who've never felt it. they make some sort of feeble stew out of sympathy, compassion, contempt and general indifference, and they call it love. once you've felt what it means to love as you and i know it - the total passion for the total height - you're incapable of anything less
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Tuesday, June 01, 2004
john!
happy birthday john, i love you. even though you're fucking disgusting
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i need you so much closer. so come on
i got three hours of sleep last night and i am still not eating to the point where i cannot stop myself from throwing up afterwards. i am disillusioned with eating. rather, my body is. i am not trying to throw up, it is. it does not like food anymore. the same thing happened to me last may, and i lost ten pounds and had no boobs. but it's not the same as it was. last time i was upset about daniel. i am not upset about him anymore. i guess i am in some sort of ambiguously depressive fit. i don't know
in my pocket are a lot of notes i wrote on receipt paper or the back of these little glossy revlon ads. i plan to scatter them throughout the universe
i am so confused right now. today was not bad, but i feel like it was. the greek word por-nei'a, translated as "fornication," has a fairly broad meaning. it relates to sexual relations involving persons not married to each other and focuses on the misuse of the sexual organs. por-nei'a includes such acts as oral sex, anal sex, and masturbating another person-- conduct commonly associated with houses of prostitution. THE HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION THAT IS MY BEDROOM. i am such a liar, there is no house of prostitution anywhere near my bedroom
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i don't like how you are forced to write a subject line
why is it that when i look at my profile, it says i am 18, but when i look at all of my blogs, it says i am 19. i am not 19. yet. i like how i am updating in this a whole lot, which i do with all of my journals when i first get them. i am like I WILL UPDATE 982309809 TIMES PER DAY. but then later there is very little afterglow, and i am forced to fade out of journals (i.e. livejournal/greatestjournal)
thank God i do not have to work today. yesterday, work was Hell. i kind of hope eric dies, and as soon as possible. georgi was hoping that hospitals were not open on memorial day weekend so we could spill scalding water on him and no help would be offered. he is walking stupidity. he gropes me and hits on me and doesn't know how to make a mocha chiller. i don't know, i do not usually like it when people corner me at work and tell me they want to have sex with me. it is especially bad when they guy doing it is a total jackass. i don't mind when mike rongo does it, he is silly. he is like, i have a girlfriend, but if you wanted to wait until i was "sleeping" we could do it and that way i cannot be blamed. boys at work are weird
speaking of weird boys, why did this one rapper add me? at first i was excited because i had a new friend, but then i saw that he spelled "listen" as "lission." yes i am serious. i wept and blocked him. is that mean?
john you better come to my birthday party or else. i haven't figured out the else, but expect it to be bad
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Monday, May 31, 2004
today colleen got run over by a semi, which then reversed back over her
can anyone please tell me how to unadd tom as my friend? he is creepy, and my profile clearly says no creepy men. i feel very odd and unsettled. i sort of want to get drunk and obnoxious. kind of on purpose though. as in I AM FED UP WITH YOU, LIVER, SO I AM GOING TO DRINK A LOT OF WINE AND YOU ARE GOING TO PAY. but it would be unnatural and alcoholic-like to drink alone, so i will write in myspace for solace. tomorrow my grandpa is coming over for a family barbecue but i do not want to be there. that is awful, and i am awful. i am an awful awful girl and an awful awful grand-daughter (is that hyphenated?). but it will be the first time i have seen him since my grandma died and i am worried that i will cry and cry and throw myself on the ground and cry into the grass and make a scene. i do not want to upset him. i bet he is lonely after they spent 59 years together and now he is alone. i do not want to be here. i want to go to dave's and be drunk and hold hands with nikki. that way, i will not have to think about my sad lonely grandpa and my missing grandma. i don't like memorial day
colleen got in a car accident today. she is okay, but her car isn't. to cheer her up, i came over. that is enough to cheer anyone up, i think. then colleen nikki matt justin and i played hide and seek. justin found every single way in the world to scare me to tears because he is cruel and uses the powers of stealth. i like hanging out with those kids. a lot. but sometimes i am like, well, it is colleen and justin. and nikki and matt. and me. gather from that what you will
we played uno, and nikki won the first game. colleen said she won it though. i won the second game. then we drove home, but first i hit matt's car. i cried on the drive home. i got into my house and my brother was here. i said, "brother, why are are you here?" he said, "sister, why are you crying?" i said, "grandpa is coming over tomorrow" he said, "oh" then i came in my room. i feel so guilty! but what if i cannot stop crying in front of him. i do not want to remind him that grandma is not here. i want to go to bed and not think anymore
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Saturday, May 29, 2004
you wanna talk about pain? let's talk about pain, motherfucker
why the Hell did it take me a full day to figure out how to "blog" on this thing? apparently, i am moron, and i take offense to the fact that myspace is not easier to use. how else are retards like myself supposed to figure this thing out. i should put up some pictures of myself, i guess. i feel like i should post how i post in greatestjournal, but this feels odd and not quite like greatestjournal. for some reason, i feel like i have to be far more interesting
i went to the ap project house to see farewell anthem last night with gay matt. we got lost like a couple of morons, but we got to see some houses that are worth more than my whole town. it was kinda worth it. also, we stopped in the middle of the road to talk to some lady on a bicycle. matt and i are friendly, by the way. we got to the house and right away saw mary and scott, which was exciting. i wandered around looking for dave so i could make him kiss me on the cheek. it worked, several times, even after i stopped asking for kisses. i formally met bob and dustin, and the drummer i guess, i do not remember his name. he was trying to taunt the police or something; what a genius. i also met this cool kid nick, with whom matt and i hid when the cops showed up. after most of the people left, we came out of the woods and got back to drinking. i got pretty trashed, as did sixty percent of the members in farewell anthem. cool. they played a great show though. scott did a drunken handstand, and dave hit me in my ovaries with his guitar. it hurt a lot, but i pretended like it didn't, so i could maybe be kinda cool in my own drunken slut way. so instead of doubling over in pain, i adjusted my purse, and consequently spilled beer all down my back and ass. i went upstairs to dry myself off, and two guys told me that even though my ass was wet, it was nice. i punched them both in the mouth. just kidding, i smiled at them. some time during this commotion, (i forgot how to spell commotion) colleen and sarah showed up. awesome, colleen is my best friend. anyway, farewell anthem finished and i ran outside with colleen and matt so we could go to ihop. we stopped to talk to dave and scott for awhile, then ran some more. i drove with matt, and colleen drove by herself. i (thought) i dialed her phone number and she did not answer, so i left her a 20 minute message. it turns out, colleen has no voice mail, so someone got a message of me saying such things as: "colleen, i cannot wait until we are older and i will be pregnant all of the time and you will still be going to shows and you will have to fill me in on the scene" and "i have to pee." i came home after ihop and added everyone i know to my friends in a drunken stupor. i am lying, i forgot to add mary. i will do that now
today i woke up and my hip/ovaries were in pain. i looked down and i could see all the tiny little blood vessels that had burst. then i went back to sleep and dreamt about paul konerko. cool. i think that perhaps i should have a signature thing that i do in every entry. like, some people would be like, <3333 elizabeth <3333 or something at the end. maybe instead of that i will say what color undies i am wearing. white and lacey today, guys. sorry i'm so boring. but kinda quirky, right?
this morning my mom said, "you will be nineteen soon! do you feel nineteen? or one hundred?" "one hundred." "you have always been one hundred."
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