LIFE ISN'T ABOUT FINDING YOURSELF,LIFE IS ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF
I have been going through the new the old and timeless thoughts in my head.
I daily reminder of how seriously dramatic this world is over spilled milk and that no matter if its just spilled milk.. it must be wiped clean.
A daily reminder that I am less and worth nothing and not worth the time to save.
SO much to do as I have so many goals in mind..
Current Goals for the next 6 months:Mi casa and My Ching a Ling
MOVE out of this hell whole. Love is holding me in place.... and makes the grit worth it all.. But I really need to get out of the place that forces me to put up a wall to block depression that only filters everything not only the bad.
Im currently trying to get one big loan to consolidate all the BS. This would really help me with my current and long term goals. ( debt free, equal (yeah right), buying first home some day)
I really want to find a second job... I dont want Brandon to have to work this summer ..he has worked very hard all year. he deserves this break... school is taking so much of his energy that he needs to restore for next year. The more im away from home the less Ill have my own energy to work on home life after a great portion of my energy is being taken away by depression and hate for everything that this is not...while I know NOTHING IS EVERYTHING.
I never seem to escape the feeling of being 30% of our 100% ... Having bad luck I think is sometimes confused with poor effort.. This is like a giant piece of sandpaper slowly comming down over me sanding away every layer of self I have left.
Iv never seen Love be so alike with Jekyll and Hyde...
never been good enough is a odd feeling when someone is in your face pushing you to be better looking at you in shame
My issues take time to fix....and as im about to put it all out there in the open to fix it all. I really wish there was a faster way how ever... its one step one day , week, month , year at a time.
I daily reminder of how seriously dramatic this world is over spilled milk and that no matter if its just spilled milk.. it must be wiped clean.
A daily reminder that I am less and worth nothing and not worth the time to save.
SO much to do as I have so many goals in mind..
Current Goals for the next 6 months:Mi casa and My Ching a Ling
MOVE out of this hell whole. Love is holding me in place.... and makes the grit worth it all.. But I really need to get out of the place that forces me to put up a wall to block depression that only filters everything not only the bad.
Im currently trying to get one big loan to consolidate all the BS. This would really help me with my current and long term goals. ( debt free, equal (yeah right), buying first home some day)
I really want to find a second job... I dont want Brandon to have to work this summer ..he has worked very hard all year. he deserves this break... school is taking so much of his energy that he needs to restore for next year. The more im away from home the less Ill have my own energy to work on home life after a great portion of my energy is being taken away by depression and hate for everything that this is not...while I know NOTHING IS EVERYTHING.
I never seem to escape the feeling of being 30% of our 100% ... Having bad luck I think is sometimes confused with poor effort.. This is like a giant piece of sandpaper slowly comming down over me sanding away every layer of self I have left.
Iv never seen Love be so alike with Jekyll and Hyde...
never been good enough is a odd feeling when someone is in your face pushing you to be better looking at you in shame
My issues take time to fix....and as im about to put it all out there in the open to fix it all. I really wish there was a faster way how ever... its one step one day , week, month , year at a time.