(no subject)
I apologize in advace to those who don't like it when people get overly-emotional on their blogs, because I'm pretty sure that's where this is heading.
Tonight was winter formal. Alec convinced me to go yesterday, so I paid $13 to get in. And I think I looked okay. I wore my vintage 60's dress (think day-glo orange, pink, yellow, and green flowers), knee-high white socks, dr. martens, and glitter. Succeeded in achieving a decent updo, which is very impressive, normally I fail miserably and just say fuck it, I'll wear my hair down. Got lots of compliments, I don't think anyone expected to see a dress like that at a formal.
But, I didn't really have a good time. The dancing was okay, even though the songs were shitty. Well, the dancing was okay when I felt like dancing. All of my friends are paired off right now, so when I was with them they were all either grinding or gazing amorously into eachothers eyes, and there I was rocking out in all my neon glory, alone, making my way between couples. So, I went to try and dance with people who didn't look like they were dancing with anyone else. Unfortunately, those not dancing with other people, didn't dance. So here comes some fucked up chick in a weird dress that just walks up and starts dancing....yeah. Akwardness happened. And somewhere in the middle of that, I just lost all desire to keep moving, and just wanted to go home. It was the first time in forever that I haven't been able to find happiness in myself. I just don't think I'm enough for me anymore.
The scariest thing is that at the time, I thought I could fix it by going and getting wasted. I suppose now is one of those times when if I were to get involved with any sort of chemical action, I'd probably fall too far into it. So all of you who've read this far, take care of me for a few weeks, ok? Make sure I don't do anything stupid. I'd really like to avoid getting into situations that could be interpreted as "a cry for help".
I can't stay awake any more, my freezing sheets are ready to be slept in.
Tonight was winter formal. Alec convinced me to go yesterday, so I paid $13 to get in. And I think I looked okay. I wore my vintage 60's dress (think day-glo orange, pink, yellow, and green flowers), knee-high white socks, dr. martens, and glitter. Succeeded in achieving a decent updo, which is very impressive, normally I fail miserably and just say fuck it, I'll wear my hair down. Got lots of compliments, I don't think anyone expected to see a dress like that at a formal.
But, I didn't really have a good time. The dancing was okay, even though the songs were shitty. Well, the dancing was okay when I felt like dancing. All of my friends are paired off right now, so when I was with them they were all either grinding or gazing amorously into eachothers eyes, and there I was rocking out in all my neon glory, alone, making my way between couples. So, I went to try and dance with people who didn't look like they were dancing with anyone else. Unfortunately, those not dancing with other people, didn't dance. So here comes some fucked up chick in a weird dress that just walks up and starts dancing....yeah. Akwardness happened. And somewhere in the middle of that, I just lost all desire to keep moving, and just wanted to go home. It was the first time in forever that I haven't been able to find happiness in myself. I just don't think I'm enough for me anymore.
The scariest thing is that at the time, I thought I could fix it by going and getting wasted. I suppose now is one of those times when if I were to get involved with any sort of chemical action, I'd probably fall too far into it. So all of you who've read this far, take care of me for a few weeks, ok? Make sure I don't do anything stupid. I'd really like to avoid getting into situations that could be interpreted as "a cry for help".
I can't stay awake any more, my freezing sheets are ready to be slept in.