intoxicated from the deep sleep
Lately, i have been sleeping over 12 hours a day. And though i thoroughly enjoy the repose and the dreams (i think i have just as much fun asleep as i do awake, if not more, at times), i'm finding that i don't have enough time to do everything i want to. Namely, draw more pictures and read more books. Last night, however, i did draw this one of Nathan and it came out PERFECT. You don't even understand. It's the one tagged "Gaines Lab" on facebook and it was like i had a muse... i got the shadowing and the texture and everything to a tee. I left it on my bed when i ran out to CVS today and when i came home, my mom was back from work and she was like OH MY GOSH anything you do after that will never be that good. That's what i fear, but i'm sure i'll get lucky again. My drawing is picking up... now i just have to work on my reading.
On Friday night, Sophia, Natasha and i rented Fun With Dick and Jane and watched it; i was spending the night over there because we were leaving for Cedar Point (which i actually ended up being excited about) at 4am. Bart called me in the middle of the movie and asked me to hang out with him and David (David is my 42-year old high school geography teacher... they hang out all the time). He practially begged me to go bowling with them... he said something like "David wants to see you; i told him you're beautiful." I told him a line like that won't work, and he says, "you think i'm joking?" I told him i'd go bowl with them, and so we did... i bowled a horrible game, but it was still kind of interesting just because i'm not used to being babied. Bart's just an odd person, but he lathers the attention on me and it's kind of fun for a change. Goodness knows i wish i was still attracted to him (i've matured, so my taste has changed as far as the type of guy i want on the inside... and as far as the outside, he's changed a bit, too); he's really sweet and i would have enjoyed it a lot more if i was. After bowling two games, the four of us (a girl named Sarah-- she lived in Sophia's house before Sophia!) piled into David's truck and went back to David's apartment.
Now, keep in mind that I have feelings for a 29-year-old professor who lives like a college kid. I've thought about how awesome it'd be to chill with him at his apartment. And i find myself walking into the apartmetn of a 42-year-old high school teacher who lives like a high school kid. His cat is ADORABLE. It was sort of odd, though... we were looking at his rock collection (from places like the Great Wall and other illegal things) and i noticed that he was massaging Sarah's shoulders. It was only the second time they had been together. I ate some yogurt and we all settled down to watch Family Guy dvd's. David and Sarah were on one couch, partially covered by a blanket (it didn't take me long to realize his hand was on her leg...) and Bart and I were on the other. I was a little tired, and part of me wondered if i could have one of those rare moments where i felt really prized and protected (re: sleeping on Phil's lap in the car last semester), so i put this pillow up against Bart and rested my head on it, mainly to see if he would rest his arm around me. Eventually, he did, and not only that-- every once and awhile, he would like... massage my shoulder. It was so awesome; again, not because i'm attracted to him at all (i think i would have died of happiness in that case), but because 1) it did make me feel prized and protected, 2) it made it so easy to pretend that it was my apartment, and that the guy was married to me (and someone else: coughmaybekevincough) and 3) part of me feels like... ha- you have a girlfriend now but i seem more intriguing now don't i? don't i? ha. I can't really prove that. It was just very easy to assume in that moment.
Cedar Point was nice-- a 6-hour drive for Sophia. The rides were big and scary, the company was interesting (besides Natasha, it was Sophia's brother Tim, and a somewhat odd, but nice couple named Alex and Laurie). Cedar point is located on a peninsula in Lake Erie.. so the views were great and i took lots of pictures (which would be on facebook right now, but CVS messed up so much i ended up walking there FIVE TIMES and still don't have my picture cd). The rides were fun, i guess... but conceptually, theme parks have gotten old. By this, i mean i don't think it's worth it to wait an hour and twenty minutes for a thirty second ride. I feel like the ratio of waiting to riding was about 50:1. We all stayed in one hotel room; the bed was major comfortable. It was odd-- i had taken all my makeup off (a rare occurrence, especially when i'm not at home) and i went to bed thinking how nice and white the pillocase would stay (although it never stains mine at home-- it's weird-- but still). That night, i dreamt that Chris Crumrine and i were dating. I was resting my head on Chris's shoulder thinking 'it's a good thing i took my makeup off; now it won't stain his shirt.' I remember him being really sweet in the dream, and i started to ask him why we were together now when he seemed to show no interest in me before. When i woke up, i realized "it's because it was a DREAM, you dummy. :) Haha. (*and for those of you who don't remember and think that Chris is just another example of how fickle i am, i asked him if he wanted to hang out and he gave me an excuse (tranlslated as "i'm not interested in you") and i was thereafter able to forget about him (i thought that's what would happen with Kevin, but it turned out not to be that simple). But i digress... overall, the trip was a nice experience. I won't lie, though-- my favorite part was playing three of the 5 mix cds i had burned for the car ride home. There are few things more therapeutic for me (massages being one of them) than playing my favorite songs for people i care about to hear. The combination of exposing them to something so important to me and having all the memories that the songs evoke (this is somewhat bitttersweet) is really something magical.
...as is the one part in this Fallout Boy song called 7 Minutes in Heaven... oh my gosh... i won't even try to describe it but they're just going dadadadadadoo doo doo but it's so BEAUTIFUL... Amanda, do you know what i'm talking about? Today i discovered that i might get to spend the spring 07 semester in Wales (more about this tomorrow) and that i also may be working at Eastern State Mental Hospital in the fall. :) Besides walking to CVS five times, i hung out with Amanda Riordan; we rented Memoirs of a Geisha (and saw Andrew yet again), quitea wonderful film. The main character likes this guy who's a lot older, and in the end, she finally gets him...
No matter how much happens to me, regardless of how fun (or pointless) it is, i still find myself thinking about Kevin almost constantly. The thoughts are not of a desperate nature, as i am almost positive he's not the person i'm supposed to end up with, but i still find myself missing him. There's this moment i can't get out of my head... i was sitting in his office one day and he told me that his old girlfriend from college (or high school) IMed him one day... and that she's married and expecting her first child. There was a twinge of bitterness in his voice that really shook me (i'm a sucker; i know). Right after that, he had to make a phone call to the library, and as he talked, it was all i could do not to stare at him, at those blue eyes and the hair that was then hanging in his eyes, and think, "I'll marry you someday."
( Even though i won't )
( I trust that God has bigger plans... thank God )
On Friday night, Sophia, Natasha and i rented Fun With Dick and Jane and watched it; i was spending the night over there because we were leaving for Cedar Point (which i actually ended up being excited about) at 4am. Bart called me in the middle of the movie and asked me to hang out with him and David (David is my 42-year old high school geography teacher... they hang out all the time). He practially begged me to go bowling with them... he said something like "David wants to see you; i told him you're beautiful." I told him a line like that won't work, and he says, "you think i'm joking?" I told him i'd go bowl with them, and so we did... i bowled a horrible game, but it was still kind of interesting just because i'm not used to being babied. Bart's just an odd person, but he lathers the attention on me and it's kind of fun for a change. Goodness knows i wish i was still attracted to him (i've matured, so my taste has changed as far as the type of guy i want on the inside... and as far as the outside, he's changed a bit, too); he's really sweet and i would have enjoyed it a lot more if i was. After bowling two games, the four of us (a girl named Sarah-- she lived in Sophia's house before Sophia!) piled into David's truck and went back to David's apartment.
Now, keep in mind that I have feelings for a 29-year-old professor who lives like a college kid. I've thought about how awesome it'd be to chill with him at his apartment. And i find myself walking into the apartmetn of a 42-year-old high school teacher who lives like a high school kid. His cat is ADORABLE. It was sort of odd, though... we were looking at his rock collection (from places like the Great Wall and other illegal things) and i noticed that he was massaging Sarah's shoulders. It was only the second time they had been together. I ate some yogurt and we all settled down to watch Family Guy dvd's. David and Sarah were on one couch, partially covered by a blanket (it didn't take me long to realize his hand was on her leg...) and Bart and I were on the other. I was a little tired, and part of me wondered if i could have one of those rare moments where i felt really prized and protected (re: sleeping on Phil's lap in the car last semester), so i put this pillow up against Bart and rested my head on it, mainly to see if he would rest his arm around me. Eventually, he did, and not only that-- every once and awhile, he would like... massage my shoulder. It was so awesome; again, not because i'm attracted to him at all (i think i would have died of happiness in that case), but because 1) it did make me feel prized and protected, 2) it made it so easy to pretend that it was my apartment, and that the guy was married to me (and someone else: coughmaybekevincough) and 3) part of me feels like... ha- you have a girlfriend now but i seem more intriguing now don't i? don't i? ha. I can't really prove that. It was just very easy to assume in that moment.
Cedar Point was nice-- a 6-hour drive for Sophia. The rides were big and scary, the company was interesting (besides Natasha, it was Sophia's brother Tim, and a somewhat odd, but nice couple named Alex and Laurie). Cedar point is located on a peninsula in Lake Erie.. so the views were great and i took lots of pictures (which would be on facebook right now, but CVS messed up so much i ended up walking there FIVE TIMES and still don't have my picture cd). The rides were fun, i guess... but conceptually, theme parks have gotten old. By this, i mean i don't think it's worth it to wait an hour and twenty minutes for a thirty second ride. I feel like the ratio of waiting to riding was about 50:1. We all stayed in one hotel room; the bed was major comfortable. It was odd-- i had taken all my makeup off (a rare occurrence, especially when i'm not at home) and i went to bed thinking how nice and white the pillocase would stay (although it never stains mine at home-- it's weird-- but still). That night, i dreamt that Chris Crumrine and i were dating. I was resting my head on Chris's shoulder thinking 'it's a good thing i took my makeup off; now it won't stain his shirt.' I remember him being really sweet in the dream, and i started to ask him why we were together now when he seemed to show no interest in me before. When i woke up, i realized "it's because it was a DREAM, you dummy. :) Haha. (*and for those of you who don't remember and think that Chris is just another example of how fickle i am, i asked him if he wanted to hang out and he gave me an excuse (tranlslated as "i'm not interested in you") and i was thereafter able to forget about him (i thought that's what would happen with Kevin, but it turned out not to be that simple). But i digress... overall, the trip was a nice experience. I won't lie, though-- my favorite part was playing three of the 5 mix cds i had burned for the car ride home. There are few things more therapeutic for me (massages being one of them) than playing my favorite songs for people i care about to hear. The combination of exposing them to something so important to me and having all the memories that the songs evoke (this is somewhat bitttersweet) is really something magical.
...as is the one part in this Fallout Boy song called 7 Minutes in Heaven... oh my gosh... i won't even try to describe it but they're just going dadadadadadoo doo doo but it's so BEAUTIFUL... Amanda, do you know what i'm talking about? Today i discovered that i might get to spend the spring 07 semester in Wales (more about this tomorrow) and that i also may be working at Eastern State Mental Hospital in the fall. :) Besides walking to CVS five times, i hung out with Amanda Riordan; we rented Memoirs of a Geisha (and saw Andrew yet again), quitea wonderful film. The main character likes this guy who's a lot older, and in the end, she finally gets him...
No matter how much happens to me, regardless of how fun (or pointless) it is, i still find myself thinking about Kevin almost constantly. The thoughts are not of a desperate nature, as i am almost positive he's not the person i'm supposed to end up with, but i still find myself missing him. There's this moment i can't get out of my head... i was sitting in his office one day and he told me that his old girlfriend from college (or high school) IMed him one day... and that she's married and expecting her first child. There was a twinge of bitterness in his voice that really shook me (i'm a sucker; i know). Right after that, he had to make a phone call to the library, and as he talked, it was all i could do not to stare at him, at those blue eyes and the hair that was then hanging in his eyes, and think, "I'll marry you someday."
( Even though i won't )
( I trust that God has bigger plans... thank God )