(no subject)
i wish i could turn back time to when everything made sense. it was the part of last year where i was so lost and so off track but things made sense to me..now all i am stuck in is this place where im on the right track and nothing is making sense to me at all. looking back on alot of the bad memories from last year...the good memories stuck out. and it really made me wonder...if i was a better person or better friend for that matter would things be differnet in my life. could i have saved friendships instead of lost them, could i have been a happier person? would i have dwelled on and complianed about half of the stuff that has happend to me? i cant keep playing this what if game but everything is just there not making sense....if you ask me if im happy i cant give you a yes or no if you ask me if im sad i can give you a yes..but not all of the time...if you ask me if im still angry i can either say yes or no and if i was a better person...would i be half as confused as i am now? to be honest..i dont wanna go talking to everyone about my problems as everyone is saying...what are you doing now hense the livejournal...but those arent even half of hte problems i have..and its not really explaining them..so back off..and also i dont want help and i dont want everyone to be sitting there saying it will be okay and they love me and they are here if i wanna talk but i dont wanna talk. ive never wanted to talk until i was forced to do so. everytime i talk about it...i end up in tears and just hating life even more. nobody said high school or life in itself was gunna be easy but how come its always this hard for me. as much as i work at things that need to be done..at the end of the day im still wondering...what if and i cant do that. so i dont really know. whatever. just a blab