the dark side of my zodiac
VIRGO
: You have one belief. Everyone in life is beneath you. There isn't an idea that you can't improve upon, or a person you can't whip into shape. You may pride yourself on being a discriminating perfectionist, but everyone else sees you as a royal pain in the ass. You are very intelligent but can't make any practical use of your knowledge, so you end up spouting platitudes and pumping gas.
You have Forest for the Trees Syndrome. You are so bogged down in the excruciating minutia of daily life that you let the world, and your dreams, pass by. But that's OK with you, since it gives you a reason to blame your faults on every one but yourself.
Yours is the sign of the scribe, prosecuting attorney, mimic, despot, and anything with critic in the title. Virgos make excellent bureaucrats because they love to make people stand for hours in lines that go nowhere.
You spend your life moving your metaphorical piles of dirty laundry from one side of your psyche to the other without resolving anything. However, this is fine with you because it gives you something to do on Saturday night besides rearranging your medicine cabinet.
You are so concerned with your health that you rattle when you walk from all the pill bottles jiggling in your pocket or purse. Your home serves as a satellite pharmacy for the neighborhood and you delight in dispensing the latest holistic advice on every ailment from boils to constipation. You are the type of patient who hounds your doctor for double prescriptions, just to be prepared.
Your favorite game is Mountains out of Molehills, and you obsess over things that will never happen. You spend hours worrying whether or not you should use milk that's one day past its pull date and if your tires have enough air to get you to your next dentist appointment. You are the only sign in the zodiac that looks forward to a tooth cleaning. You have more systems for coping with life than the IRS has for tracking down tax dodgers.
In love, you are as romantic as a top sergeant drilling the troops. You expect your lover to adhere to your timetable and preferences and balk at any variation. After you invariably get dumped, you cry for about five minutes then decide that he, or she, wasn't good enough for you anyway and grab the nearest good book to soothe yourself. When you do get the urge to merge, you usually make the wrong choice, because you've been so picky in the past that you suddenly find yourself on the downside of sexy and grab the first person you can clutch in your impeccably manicured little hands.
You also have exceptional self-discipline and your will is so strong that you can easily make all your dreams come true. You are often misjudged because of your perfectionist attitude. Truth is you never expect more of others than that which you are willing to give. You are sympathetic and generous and have a genuine desire to help people do their best. But you need to cultivate more patience and less assumption that your opinion is always either correct or sought. Instead of squandering your energy trying to control the world, learn to listen first, then take aim with a few well-chosen barbs and there isn't a sign in the Universe you can't outwit.
Buy the book ... As well as sections on the Dark Side, from which I quote in part below, there are sections on "Approach with Caution", "If You Love One (Male and Female)", "The Family", "Office Party", "Can't We All Get Along " and "Quick Tips for Emergencies".
Visit Hazel Dixon-Cooper's website.
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LIBRA
: Your sole purpose in life is to be right all the time, and you constantly change your mind in order to ensure that fact. You have strong opinions that you always change in the face of disapproval. Since you never act on any of your endless declarations, your friends and family quickly learn that your advice is worthless and ignore it, and you.
Your much-touted intellect is merely an inborn talent for knowing fifty ways to say "On the other hand." This endless hemming and hawing is actually an avoidance mechanism designed to protect you from choosing sides or taking action. Libras flee from decision-making faster than a Sagittarius from a commitment ceremony.
You hate vulgar shouting matches and sordid emotional scenes, unless you are the one losing control. Even when angry, you can't act decisively. You deliberate over all the actions you could take and wonder whether you should ignore the incident or go postal. By the time you decide, the person you are mad at has forgotten you exist and moved to Costa Rica.
You are the most social sign in the zodiac and use any excuse to party. That's because without an audience, you bore yourself to sleep. You can, however, intuitively sense when someone needs help. This is extremely convenient considering it gives you plenty of time to rush home and take the phone off the hook to avoid getting involved.
You are as dedicated a social climber as either Aries or Capricorn; however, you have neither Aries' honesty or Cappy's class. But since you haven't the faintest glimmer of self-awareness, you quite cheerfully assume that no one thinks your sudden interest in an eighty-five-year old Lotto winner is odd.
Libra is the sign of the actor, double agent, transvestite, and paid escort. You also make excellent politicians because of your ability to talk out of both sides of your mouth at once.
You are a font of useless minutiae, forever analyzing your problems, like a cow chomping its cud. You treat the people you love like projects and take perverse pleasure in pointing out their faults, then get offended when they tell you to piss off. You play the If Only game. "You have such beautiful eyes. If only you'd lose some weight, we might be able to see them." "You are so kindhearted. If only you had the common sense to match." And you are so shallow that your feelings get hurt if someone skips your party to check in to the hospital for emergency surgery.
Since you inherited Venus' bed-hopping perspective on romance, you have secret affairs with people with whom you wouldn't be caught dead in public. That's OK with you because you're so vain that you rationalize one night with you will magically improve their miserable lot in life. You long for a meaningful relationship, but anything less than blind agreement from the one you love sends you to bed with the nearest stranger. You don't want a partner; you want a clone. Old Libra couples are easy to spot because of their matching hairdos.
However, you are capable of pursuing a goal with a single-minded determination that borders on obsession. Your deeply held beliefs set you apart from the rest of the world. Once you learn to avoid the petty jealousies and soap-opera theatrics in which you frequently indulge, you soon learn that no sign alive can distract you from your dreams.
: You have one belief. Everyone in life is beneath you. There isn't an idea that you can't improve upon, or a person you can't whip into shape. You may pride yourself on being a discriminating perfectionist, but everyone else sees you as a royal pain in the ass. You are very intelligent but can't make any practical use of your knowledge, so you end up spouting platitudes and pumping gas.
You have Forest for the Trees Syndrome. You are so bogged down in the excruciating minutia of daily life that you let the world, and your dreams, pass by. But that's OK with you, since it gives you a reason to blame your faults on every one but yourself.
Yours is the sign of the scribe, prosecuting attorney, mimic, despot, and anything with critic in the title. Virgos make excellent bureaucrats because they love to make people stand for hours in lines that go nowhere.
You spend your life moving your metaphorical piles of dirty laundry from one side of your psyche to the other without resolving anything. However, this is fine with you because it gives you something to do on Saturday night besides rearranging your medicine cabinet.
You are so concerned with your health that you rattle when you walk from all the pill bottles jiggling in your pocket or purse. Your home serves as a satellite pharmacy for the neighborhood and you delight in dispensing the latest holistic advice on every ailment from boils to constipation. You are the type of patient who hounds your doctor for double prescriptions, just to be prepared.
Your favorite game is Mountains out of Molehills, and you obsess over things that will never happen. You spend hours worrying whether or not you should use milk that's one day past its pull date and if your tires have enough air to get you to your next dentist appointment. You are the only sign in the zodiac that looks forward to a tooth cleaning. You have more systems for coping with life than the IRS has for tracking down tax dodgers.
In love, you are as romantic as a top sergeant drilling the troops. You expect your lover to adhere to your timetable and preferences and balk at any variation. After you invariably get dumped, you cry for about five minutes then decide that he, or she, wasn't good enough for you anyway and grab the nearest good book to soothe yourself. When you do get the urge to merge, you usually make the wrong choice, because you've been so picky in the past that you suddenly find yourself on the downside of sexy and grab the first person you can clutch in your impeccably manicured little hands.
You also have exceptional self-discipline and your will is so strong that you can easily make all your dreams come true. You are often misjudged because of your perfectionist attitude. Truth is you never expect more of others than that which you are willing to give. You are sympathetic and generous and have a genuine desire to help people do their best. But you need to cultivate more patience and less assumption that your opinion is always either correct or sought. Instead of squandering your energy trying to control the world, learn to listen first, then take aim with a few well-chosen barbs and there isn't a sign in the Universe you can't outwit.
Buy the book ... As well as sections on the Dark Side, from which I quote in part below, there are sections on "Approach with Caution", "If You Love One (Male and Female)", "The Family", "Office Party", "Can't We All Get Along " and "Quick Tips for Emergencies".
Visit Hazel Dixon-Cooper's website.
back to the top
LIBRA
: Your sole purpose in life is to be right all the time, and you constantly change your mind in order to ensure that fact. You have strong opinions that you always change in the face of disapproval. Since you never act on any of your endless declarations, your friends and family quickly learn that your advice is worthless and ignore it, and you.
Your much-touted intellect is merely an inborn talent for knowing fifty ways to say "On the other hand." This endless hemming and hawing is actually an avoidance mechanism designed to protect you from choosing sides or taking action. Libras flee from decision-making faster than a Sagittarius from a commitment ceremony.
You hate vulgar shouting matches and sordid emotional scenes, unless you are the one losing control. Even when angry, you can't act decisively. You deliberate over all the actions you could take and wonder whether you should ignore the incident or go postal. By the time you decide, the person you are mad at has forgotten you exist and moved to Costa Rica.
You are the most social sign in the zodiac and use any excuse to party. That's because without an audience, you bore yourself to sleep. You can, however, intuitively sense when someone needs help. This is extremely convenient considering it gives you plenty of time to rush home and take the phone off the hook to avoid getting involved.
You are as dedicated a social climber as either Aries or Capricorn; however, you have neither Aries' honesty or Cappy's class. But since you haven't the faintest glimmer of self-awareness, you quite cheerfully assume that no one thinks your sudden interest in an eighty-five-year old Lotto winner is odd.
Libra is the sign of the actor, double agent, transvestite, and paid escort. You also make excellent politicians because of your ability to talk out of both sides of your mouth at once.
You are a font of useless minutiae, forever analyzing your problems, like a cow chomping its cud. You treat the people you love like projects and take perverse pleasure in pointing out their faults, then get offended when they tell you to piss off. You play the If Only game. "You have such beautiful eyes. If only you'd lose some weight, we might be able to see them." "You are so kindhearted. If only you had the common sense to match." And you are so shallow that your feelings get hurt if someone skips your party to check in to the hospital for emergency surgery.
Since you inherited Venus' bed-hopping perspective on romance, you have secret affairs with people with whom you wouldn't be caught dead in public. That's OK with you because you're so vain that you rationalize one night with you will magically improve their miserable lot in life. You long for a meaningful relationship, but anything less than blind agreement from the one you love sends you to bed with the nearest stranger. You don't want a partner; you want a clone. Old Libra couples are easy to spot because of their matching hairdos.
However, you are capable of pursuing a goal with a single-minded determination that borders on obsession. Your deeply held beliefs set you apart from the rest of the world. Once you learn to avoid the petty jealousies and soap-opera theatrics in which you frequently indulge, you soon learn that no sign alive can distract you from your dreams.