(no subject)
I'm really over the world right now...as I'm sitting here with a pulsing heart and a pounding head, and a stomach that is ready to explode...I just don't understand anything that is going on with my life right now. Anything.
And you know what I think I'm over more than the world itself...is me. I've given myself an anxiety attack over myself. What am I doing to myself? Why have I included some people in my life that are not doing anything in helping me along the road of life? Why? Seriously...I would really like to know. Excess baggage in my opinion, I don't need people like that bringing me down. Why do I continue to fight people after I've thrown up my white flag over and over and over again? I keep saying "It's done"..."It's over with"..."I don't want to fight you anymore"...but yet I continue and persist. I honestly think I've gone insane over the fact that my head is full of constant paranoia. I'm too emotional to let someone just taunt me for no good reason, what have I ever done to you? I'm just over it all. I'm over the drama...
I'm ridding myself of the negativity in my life...or at least trying to anyways...at least the negative influences. If I don't weed them out, they weed themselves out...which is fine. Maybe the most negative person in my life at the moment is myself. I'm really going to go with that factor...what are my good qualities? I'm not fishing for compliments here either so please dont give me any replies to this. But seriously...I can't handle myself sometimes. And I think that right now is one of those moments. Today has been one of those days where it just exploded in the end to where it brings me now. I'm sitting in silence having an anxiety attack all because of myself. Yeah there are other influences involved, but push come to shove- who's to blaim. Me. And don't go basking in the fact that I'm talking about you either...cuz I know a few of you are going to think that any of the confrontations we've had recently could have brought any of this on...no. It's no one in this insane livejournal world at all. Regardless, I need a break...from myself...and how I'm going to do that I'm really not sure.
Life used to be easier, when I sat to the side and didn't put in my two cents...and really didn't say much at all. But people liked me regardless...despite the fact that I was silent and didn't speak a word to anybody. Maybe that would be a good remedy to everything...the strong and silent type. I'd probably appear much stronger to everyone by not saying anything at all, then by my constant breakdowns that I've been led to.
And you know what I think I'm over more than the world itself...is me. I've given myself an anxiety attack over myself. What am I doing to myself? Why have I included some people in my life that are not doing anything in helping me along the road of life? Why? Seriously...I would really like to know. Excess baggage in my opinion, I don't need people like that bringing me down. Why do I continue to fight people after I've thrown up my white flag over and over and over again? I keep saying "It's done"..."It's over with"..."I don't want to fight you anymore"...but yet I continue and persist. I honestly think I've gone insane over the fact that my head is full of constant paranoia. I'm too emotional to let someone just taunt me for no good reason, what have I ever done to you? I'm just over it all. I'm over the drama...
I'm ridding myself of the negativity in my life...or at least trying to anyways...at least the negative influences. If I don't weed them out, they weed themselves out...which is fine. Maybe the most negative person in my life at the moment is myself. I'm really going to go with that factor...what are my good qualities? I'm not fishing for compliments here either so please dont give me any replies to this. But seriously...I can't handle myself sometimes. And I think that right now is one of those moments. Today has been one of those days where it just exploded in the end to where it brings me now. I'm sitting in silence having an anxiety attack all because of myself. Yeah there are other influences involved, but push come to shove- who's to blaim. Me. And don't go basking in the fact that I'm talking about you either...cuz I know a few of you are going to think that any of the confrontations we've had recently could have brought any of this on...no. It's no one in this insane livejournal world at all. Regardless, I need a break...from myself...and how I'm going to do that I'm really not sure.
Life used to be easier, when I sat to the side and didn't put in my two cents...and really didn't say much at all. But people liked me regardless...despite the fact that I was silent and didn't speak a word to anybody. Maybe that would be a good remedy to everything...the strong and silent type. I'd probably appear much stronger to everyone by not saying anything at all, then by my constant breakdowns that I've been led to.