"And as for me, I'll sit around and wonder how you're making out..."
We met in driver’s ed. He has black hair and the bluest eyes and our seats in the back row kept moving closer together until Ms. Hopper made us stop turning off the lights during movies and moved me up by the chalkboard facing the class so we’d stop distracting the other students. So I sat on the floor behind the teacher’s chair text-messaging him from across the room, and I’m probably going to rack up a huge bill because we’ve been doing this since 7 this morning.
I started liking him on the driving range, when we rolled down our windows and turned up our radios as loud as we could, singing along and getting excited over all the same songs. That must have been what got him, too, because the next thing I knew I was pressed against the wall by the pop machines with his tongue in my mouth and I was liking it a whole lot. He asks me what I’m willing to do and I sit down beside him and say I don’t know, I’m not a total whore and I don’t even know if he likes me. Then he looks sort of sad and stares at his feet, neither of us speaking for a long time and he never disagrees with me. Don’t take this the wrong way: he’s really a gentleman. He hasn’t ever put his hands where I expect him to, and he always asks my permission before he kisses me. Sometimes when we’re sitting so close in the back row I’ll see him in the corner of my eye, staring at me. So I’ll turn and look and we’ll both sort of smile and stare into each other’s eyes and I can’t figure out exactly what that means. No one has ever looked at me the way he does. This is what confuses me so much. No one that’s pressed me against a wall before has ever liked me, so it seems impossible that he wants anything more than a piece of ass. But with all that staring and lack of groping this is getting to be very unfamiliar territory, so I sit in class and send him another text message, asking him what he really wants. Does he like me or just a make-out partner? I’m not going to get mad either way. I just don’t understand. I watch him for a long time after that, from across the room, waiting to see if he’ll write me back. After an hour I decide he’s not going to answer, even though I told him he didn’t have to. I assumed it was common courtesy. I’m not a dumb chick who gets depressed when the guy who’s not her boyfriend, not anything, doesn’t answer her mushy message, I know what the lack of response means. He doesn’t want anything but a makeout partner, and he isn’t used to girls that take that kindly. On the next break he hardly talks to me, so I start looking around and realize that I’ve been completely blowing Nathan and Jake off because I thought Heath meant something but it’s obvious that he doesn’t so I’m free to do whatever I want. The more I talk to Nathan the funnier he gets and for the rest of class I’m laughing hysterically, and Jake is getting hotter every time he looks at me. When class is over I wait for my ride with Nathan in the hallway, laughing and joking and Heath walks right by, barely looks at me. I don’t understand any of this because that was the last time I saw him and none of this makes any sense. It’s almost as if he cares that I’m talking to other guys but why would he? No one has ever cared before and he doesn’t even want me so what else could have made him so angry? Because I wouldn’t give him a hand job by the coke machines? I thought guys liked to have to wait but I guess not if all you are is their whore. Almost 9 hours later and I’m still waiting for his answer. Every time my phone rings my heart jumps but it’s never him. I wrote him again and told him to call me when he got the message. 9 hours later and I’m still waiting, feeling stupid and wondering if maybe I did mean something. 9 hours later, and I’m wondering if he ever got the message.
I started liking him on the driving range, when we rolled down our windows and turned up our radios as loud as we could, singing along and getting excited over all the same songs. That must have been what got him, too, because the next thing I knew I was pressed against the wall by the pop machines with his tongue in my mouth and I was liking it a whole lot. He asks me what I’m willing to do and I sit down beside him and say I don’t know, I’m not a total whore and I don’t even know if he likes me. Then he looks sort of sad and stares at his feet, neither of us speaking for a long time and he never disagrees with me. Don’t take this the wrong way: he’s really a gentleman. He hasn’t ever put his hands where I expect him to, and he always asks my permission before he kisses me. Sometimes when we’re sitting so close in the back row I’ll see him in the corner of my eye, staring at me. So I’ll turn and look and we’ll both sort of smile and stare into each other’s eyes and I can’t figure out exactly what that means. No one has ever looked at me the way he does. This is what confuses me so much. No one that’s pressed me against a wall before has ever liked me, so it seems impossible that he wants anything more than a piece of ass. But with all that staring and lack of groping this is getting to be very unfamiliar territory, so I sit in class and send him another text message, asking him what he really wants. Does he like me or just a make-out partner? I’m not going to get mad either way. I just don’t understand. I watch him for a long time after that, from across the room, waiting to see if he’ll write me back. After an hour I decide he’s not going to answer, even though I told him he didn’t have to. I assumed it was common courtesy. I’m not a dumb chick who gets depressed when the guy who’s not her boyfriend, not anything, doesn’t answer her mushy message, I know what the lack of response means. He doesn’t want anything but a makeout partner, and he isn’t used to girls that take that kindly. On the next break he hardly talks to me, so I start looking around and realize that I’ve been completely blowing Nathan and Jake off because I thought Heath meant something but it’s obvious that he doesn’t so I’m free to do whatever I want. The more I talk to Nathan the funnier he gets and for the rest of class I’m laughing hysterically, and Jake is getting hotter every time he looks at me. When class is over I wait for my ride with Nathan in the hallway, laughing and joking and Heath walks right by, barely looks at me. I don’t understand any of this because that was the last time I saw him and none of this makes any sense. It’s almost as if he cares that I’m talking to other guys but why would he? No one has ever cared before and he doesn’t even want me so what else could have made him so angry? Because I wouldn’t give him a hand job by the coke machines? I thought guys liked to have to wait but I guess not if all you are is their whore. Almost 9 hours later and I’m still waiting for his answer. Every time my phone rings my heart jumps but it’s never him. I wrote him again and told him to call me when he got the message. 9 hours later and I’m still waiting, feeling stupid and wondering if maybe I did mean something. 9 hours later, and I’m wondering if he ever got the message.