the courage to be by yourself and be okay
today, for the first time in a long time, i no longer feel like i owe anyone anything.
do you know the lifting weight off the shoulders &chest of that?
it had quite literally taken me the entire summer and clear through this most recent bout of pms to be released. [sorry if tmi, too bad]
the whole summer from start to end has been heartbreak. even after the first real one to date. heartbreak on and on and on while i kept waiting for it to cease. not realizing that i had in fact been enlisting in the antics of other people and the heartbreak they caused each other and themselves...and inherently myself. i would say, in my defense, that it was my clouded head aka the acts of trying to reorganize my mind and my possessions. there was distraction...i was constantly looking around and running off to other places desperately attempting to enjoy myself. maybe that took the place of my 'rebound guy' and why it seemed i would so frequently come upon more heartbreak. there was no denial though. as i may have explained to you, i sat with the pain. i'm never one to deny it is there...that shit just does not work for me. it'll come rearing its pretty little fucked up head somewhere down the road for certain, if it is not tamed by company.
this is not to say that i am no longer a broken up woman inside...just the realization that the weight of owing anyone anything at all anymore unless i want to and they deserve it...is poof! gone.
whhhhhhhheeeeeewwwwwwwww
do you know the lifting weight off the shoulders &chest of that?
it had quite literally taken me the entire summer and clear through this most recent bout of pms to be released. [sorry if tmi, too bad]
the whole summer from start to end has been heartbreak. even after the first real one to date. heartbreak on and on and on while i kept waiting for it to cease. not realizing that i had in fact been enlisting in the antics of other people and the heartbreak they caused each other and themselves...and inherently myself. i would say, in my defense, that it was my clouded head aka the acts of trying to reorganize my mind and my possessions. there was distraction...i was constantly looking around and running off to other places desperately attempting to enjoy myself. maybe that took the place of my 'rebound guy' and why it seemed i would so frequently come upon more heartbreak. there was no denial though. as i may have explained to you, i sat with the pain. i'm never one to deny it is there...that shit just does not work for me. it'll come rearing its pretty little fucked up head somewhere down the road for certain, if it is not tamed by company.
this is not to say that i am no longer a broken up woman inside...just the realization that the weight of owing anyone anything at all anymore unless i want to and they deserve it...is poof! gone.
whhhhhhhheeeeeewwwwwwwww