Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I've been really proud of the way I've been handling my situation with Josh. I let msyelf be really upset about it for a little while, and then I put it behind me. I've kept my distance from him while still staying close to him, or as close as I'll let myself get anyway. I know that I'm going to end up being hurt somehow and I've accepted that. I'm almost positive he's moving to California. That sucks more than I can possibly put into words, but I want him to be happy and I think that him leaving is the only way for him to achieve that. I keep my emotions in control most of the time. What hurts the most is when I see him. Its like I get a little taste of what things would be like if circumstances were different. Being with him would make me so happy. I'm constantly in awe whenever we're together. I love being able to sample that, but when I come back to reality on my way home I crash. I have to let go of all that over and over again everytime I see him. Its usually only takes me a day or so to recover and move on, but still. It hurts.
Last night he was venting to me about his confusion over everything, which I don't really mind. I actually like that he feels he can vent to me. But knowing how he feels makes it even worse. He told me last night that he'd been wanting to find someone like me for a long time, and if things were different he would have already jumped into something serious with me. And I would have done the exact same thing. We're both being held back. But maybe this is how things are supposed to be. Maybe I'll appreciate our future, whatever it is, even more since we've gone through so much.
I don't know. I had to vent. I try not to talk about it too much because saying what I feel out loud just makes it more raw. The thing is that I don't regret meeting him. I couldn't be more thankful that fate somehow decided to bring us together. Even if it does mean that I have to go through a little pain.
Last night he was venting to me about his confusion over everything, which I don't really mind. I actually like that he feels he can vent to me. But knowing how he feels makes it even worse. He told me last night that he'd been wanting to find someone like me for a long time, and if things were different he would have already jumped into something serious with me. And I would have done the exact same thing. We're both being held back. But maybe this is how things are supposed to be. Maybe I'll appreciate our future, whatever it is, even more since we've gone through so much.
I don't know. I had to vent. I try not to talk about it too much because saying what I feel out loud just makes it more raw. The thing is that I don't regret meeting him. I couldn't be more thankful that fate somehow decided to bring us together. Even if it does mean that I have to go through a little pain.