August 24th, 2009 - In California….
Originally published at ~+>Blue's Journal. Please leave any comments there.
Its been 19 months since I last posted here….
I’ve been in Dallas since January of 2008. I spent some time in school and got my Associates Degree from Brookhaven College in Farmers Branch. I also had a short 6 months working for Countrywide Financial in the middle of the mortgage crisis of ‘08. I Started working for AT&T in Oct. of 2008 as a dispatcher for AT&T UVerse. I also dated a wonderful guy who broke my heart and lead me to where I landed today; on the road & searching my heart.
The Trip
Most of my co-workers think of me as the rational person, I plan my day out, I follow a the rules and use regulations when need be to get things done or to make a point; most of them don’t think of me as a person who would just up and leave. John knows that I have a random side, it comes out when I am faced with an opportunity to break out of my usual little box. Chris thinks that what I am doing is reckless. When I woke up Saturday, after taking care of a few things, I packed my bags and decided to just start driving. There were a few trips I had been wanting to take and I first drove north then west. I didn’t have alot of money, but I’ve taken trips on less before. The first day I drove from Carrollton, up to Amarillo on US 287, then west through New Mexico on I-40 and I stopped in Hallbrook, AZ to sleep [Trackr: Day 1 - Road Trip to CA ]. I woke up Sunday, August 23rd, and drove through Arizona, into California, I got off I-40 in Barstow and took CA-58 to Bakersfield. From there I took CA-68 to El Paso de Robles and then US-101 to Salinas, CA [Trackr: Day 2 - Road Trip to CA ].
Being a Hopeless Romantic
I have have talked to a few co-workers and Chris since I left Carrollton. I will say that once I got into California an idea, or I should say an old promise sprung into my head. There has always been one person who I’ve talked to when I have been in a relationship with someone and then broken up with them. Although John is my best friend, this side of my personality I do not believe I have shown even him all the true colors. This one person I have spoken to for a long time I have always been intreasted in, but time has never been on our side.I have have talked to a few co-workers and Chris since I left Carrollton. I will say that once I got into California an idea, or I should say an old promise sprung into my head. There has always been one person who I’ve talked to when I have been in a relationship with someone and then broken up with them. Although John is my best friend, this side of my personality I do not believe I have shown even him all the true colors. This one person I have spoken to for a long time I have always been intreasted in, but time has never been on our side.I met Brandon online when I was 17 and I first moved to Louisiana; we talked on and off for a long time.When I moved to Baton Rouge to go to LSU we talked more. At the time he was living in Leesville, LA and was in the National Guard; he also was not out to his family or friends back then. I finally got to meet him in person in the summer of 2005 when he took a vacation into town and stayed at my apartment for about a week. We went out to eat a few places and we seemed to click. After he went home we continued to talk online and on the phone at night we could catch each other in between the mix of things in life.
Later that year, in December of 2005, we had been talking and I told him about breaking up with my boyfriend, Tim. I told him I had a few extra days before Christmas and he offered for me to come visit; so I drove to Leesville to see him. I told him I would call him when I got into town; sadly, when I got into town his cellphone was not working. I went to where he was working and his co-workers said that I had just missed him by a few hours. I stayed in town overnight and left a few voice mails to let him know I was in town, but I left the next day to visit my family for X-Mas.
One day, about 3 months later, I got a phone call; It was him. I learned that he had lost his cellphone while out riding four-wheelers with his family. Just to hear him call again put a big smile on my face. He had gotten my number from my status messages on Yahoo; I usually left my number up just because back then it changed quite often. I didn’t get a chance to hear from him again for another 8 months until around November of 2006. He called me and told me he had moved to Angola, he had a boyfriend and they were working at the state prison.
At first I thought it was a little odd he was calling me often, though looking back, he was like I was the year before, in a relationship that wasn’t going so well and reaching out to someone he knew and would listen and relate. A few weeks into 2007, him and his boyfriend had a rather bad breakup and he came into Baton Rouge and stayed at my apartment for awhile. At this point in my life I had two roommates, Bret & Merc, and a this great guy I have as a friend, Chris, visiting me alot. I had a little two bedroom apartment in downtown Baton Rouge and we all made do with life for a few weeks.
Brandon had never been to Splash before; for a short time back in 2007 I was a photographer there. My times at Splash are the most vivid times of my short life I can remember; this point in my days is second only to my raves in high school which brought me to Louisiana. I have always been a little shy about making a move on someone I like, I won’t say that I am shy, but I would say a little more apprehensive than most people when I am trying to share my feelings with someone. Brandon had a few on and off relationships with guys while he was staying at my apartment, I didn’t really say much about any of them, but I think at one point I told him a little of how I felt, but I wanted to give him space. He moved into an apartment in Baton Rouge & we had a little falling out of a stupid financial matter. I falsely blamed him to many people, but in reality it was me who had made a mistake. Not long afterwards in June of 2006, I learned that he had moved to California.
For a long time I thought about the what-ifs and what might have beens. I worked for AT&T-SE until I was laid off; then moved to Dallas with John for school. I got my Associates Degree and even started working for AT&T again; then one day nearly a year and a half after we last had spoken Brandon called me. It was in October of 2008, right after I met Carlos. He caught me up on all the details of what he had been doing out in California, where he was working, and just alot of the details of his life that went in a year. The one thing about our conversation was one thing he said to me about the two of us. He had dated a few guys out in Cali, but things didn’t work out that well. He told me how he had really thought alot about what would have happened had the two of us really gotten together when he was in Baton Rouge.
I really was in a state of emotional ecstasy, but also disheartened; he lived nearly 1600 miles away in California and I was in a relationship. I made a silent promise to myself and to him I would find someway of getting out there to meet him. We talked on and off every few weeks; he and I both worked alot of hours, and him being 2 hours behind me it was hard to catch him. Though, in May of this year he popped up in my neck of the woods; he happened to be visiting family in Louisiana and Arkansas. In the middle of the night I drove 300 miles into the middle of Western Arkansas to pick him up; I drove him back to Carrollton, we got to visit for day or so, then I drove him back to Louisiana so he could finish his visit with his family. [GPS: To Mena, AR - May 16th, To Carrollton, TX - May 17th, & To Leesville, LA - May 18th]
He called me on my birthday which really surprised me, most of the times we play phone tag, but he called me and wished me happy birthday. I really wish I would have gotten to talk to him; I was at work when he called. Brandon was the first that day and one of only four who remembered my birthday. When I work up Saturday in Arizona and thought about what was ahead of me I set my mind on where I was going in California.
Sunday night, at about 11:30p Pacific Daylight Time I made it into Salinas, California. I only knew a few details about where Brandon worked; I knew he worked at Denny’s part time and a bank either in Salinas or Soledad. I went to each of the three Denny’s when I got into town and found the one he worked at a little after midnight Monday morning. Talking with a few of the servers I learned that Brandon was not working this week. After nearly a 800 mile drive Sunday, I went to the hotel next door and got some sleep.
I woke up Monday a little after 10:30a PDT; I took a little time to relax and watch the news. I got my things together and started my little trek to find Brandon. I started in Soledad which is about 25 miles south of Salinas; I went to First National Bank of Central California [FNBCC] and spoke with this sweet teller. She knew Brandon, but told me that he no longer worked at their branch. I did learn that he had transferred into Salinas. A short drive later and using a few trusty tools on my cellphone I found there are three FNBCC locations in Salinas.
I was lucky and hit the nail on the first stop at the downtown location; to my dismay, I had learned that he no longer worked at the bank. One customer who happened to be at the teller next to me was kinda enough to let me know she knew of him and that he worked at Denny’s. I took a few moments to converse with them about my little trek and they poked at my for my country accent and manners to each of them as I spoke; as I left I was a little discouraged that I was not able to find him on my own.
Side note, I tried to call him prior to my arrival but his phone went straight to voicemail each time. I tried in Arizona, as I crossed into California, and a few times while I was in Salinas. I have started to lose hope that I will find him. I sent a message to his phone letting him know I was at at a Starbucks in Salinas and started this entry at 5:30p on Monday evening in the reverie that he may call. [Trackr: Day 3 - Looking for Brandon ].
My Final Thought for Today
I like to think that I am a strong in ambition, decisiveness, and moral fortitude; however, on this soul search I feel that I should be humble of myself and not pretentious of any virtue within my life. One thing that makes each of us as humans unique and special is how each person absorbs life, within the mind interpret events and interactions, and paint on the canvas of our daily actions our understanding and impressions.