Lots of whineing
*sigh*
I'm not sure I should have started Beltane this year, I am not sure I am actually well enough and I think it is irritating people in the group that I keep kinda going flop. It's far too late to drop out now, and so I shall persevere. I should be ok on the night, as long as I have my cyclizine, immodium, paracetamol (yay, i can take it again) and a jolly good dose of english getting the fuck on with it. I shall remember not to do samhuinn next time, no matter how lonely I may have gotten by then.
Yet again I have managed to find myself strongly disliking a member of my group (not the same one), and as such I have come to the conclusion that it's probably not them, it's me. I should be more tolerant of other people and their differing views on life, especially when subjectively I can see their point. I just don't agree with it because I am precisely as lazy as they think I am and I just don't like to admit it. I will have a right to complain about life when i get a fucking job or two. As was said "try having two jobs and getting no more than four hours sleep each night trying to keep both of them and THEN tell me what tired is like".
Still, only 5 months till I go back to uni and can stop feeling like such a failure. Hopefully I will be able to get lots of help from the disability office. I am hoping that I will be able to use my engineering courses as my outside courses and so be able to reduce my workload by 1/3 when I do second year. I shall see how that goes and work from there. Hopefully in a year and a half's time when I start third year they will actually have found something to fix me so I won't need any further help, but to be honest, they haven't managed it in the last two years, why should they manage it in the next two.
I have mask making to do tonight, and extra character work because apparently our interaction "needs work", so hopefully I can stop shaking long enough to get that done. It was really irritating, Mies asked me to come along to the grassmarket today, and I really wanted to go but I was not strong enough to walk that far. Yeh, it's been one of those weeks.
I am so tired of life.
I'm not sure I should have started Beltane this year, I am not sure I am actually well enough and I think it is irritating people in the group that I keep kinda going flop. It's far too late to drop out now, and so I shall persevere. I should be ok on the night, as long as I have my cyclizine, immodium, paracetamol (yay, i can take it again) and a jolly good dose of english getting the fuck on with it. I shall remember not to do samhuinn next time, no matter how lonely I may have gotten by then.
Yet again I have managed to find myself strongly disliking a member of my group (not the same one), and as such I have come to the conclusion that it's probably not them, it's me. I should be more tolerant of other people and their differing views on life, especially when subjectively I can see their point. I just don't agree with it because I am precisely as lazy as they think I am and I just don't like to admit it. I will have a right to complain about life when i get a fucking job or two. As was said "try having two jobs and getting no more than four hours sleep each night trying to keep both of them and THEN tell me what tired is like".
Still, only 5 months till I go back to uni and can stop feeling like such a failure. Hopefully I will be able to get lots of help from the disability office. I am hoping that I will be able to use my engineering courses as my outside courses and so be able to reduce my workload by 1/3 when I do second year. I shall see how that goes and work from there. Hopefully in a year and a half's time when I start third year they will actually have found something to fix me so I won't need any further help, but to be honest, they haven't managed it in the last two years, why should they manage it in the next two.
I have mask making to do tonight, and extra character work because apparently our interaction "needs work", so hopefully I can stop shaking long enough to get that done. It was really irritating, Mies asked me to come along to the grassmarket today, and I really wanted to go but I was not strong enough to walk that far. Yeh, it's been one of those weeks.
I am so tired of life.