Closet Case
I stepped back into the closet for a few days this holiday season. Returning to family can always be an interesting ordeal, though it didn’t prove to be a very trying experience. Though I feel as if the family I was visiting would be completely accepting of anything I had to tell them; it felt like my coming out would put a rock in the gears of an otherwise smooth running machine.
While back in the old closet, I discovered a couple of things. First; that I’m glad I’m out (for the most part), and second; I’m not happy with what being out has brought about.
We’ll begin with the first part. It seems like the easiest to explain, it is just simply a hell of a lot easier to not have to hide anything when you are in public or with friends. I have been out for almost two years, and going back to ways of hiding relationships and such was not welcome, though I was a weathered pro (it’s kind of like riding a bicycle, you’ll always be good if you once were)
Moving on, however, I realized that I do not feel like who I am in public truly represents how I feel inside. I have conditioned myself to be what people want me to be. A life of hiding this aspect of me has created a desire to be accepted now that I am open about my sexuality. This desire to forego the notion that the gay kid will be made fun of, to become popular or well liked despite the odds, has led me to create a persona that people like to see; the stereotype.
Recently I have been playing a lot of video games; which my friends said they could never imagine. Well why couldn’t they imagine it? I’ve always liked them, my dad and I had the original Nintendo and we have been updating ever since, always getting the newest or coolest system. It’s fun, it’s relaxing, but my friends find it odd… because it’s not gay.
Also, I’ve had a strong desire to go snowboarding and running lately. This I believe stems from people often mentioning that I am not a sports person. I enjoy sports, I like going to baseball and hockey games and used to play soccer and hockey when I was younger, and I loved both of them. Well why I am not a sports person now? Oh right I’m the queeny fag. But I’m not really. In comparison with other open gay guys, I’m hardly at the top of the list for gayness, if you will.
So please, if we aren’t friends, don’t ask me to go shopping. Yes I am conscious of what I wear and do like the activity, but it doesn’t mean I want to shop 24/7. I have my group of shopping friends already. Oh and if you’re a guy, it wouldn’t hurt to strike up a conversation now and again. Just so you know, I have 360 and like snowboarding; two topics to begin with. Oh and I like normal music too. I tried that theatre queen thing, didn’t work out for me.
I’m not the school gay, get over it.
While back in the old closet, I discovered a couple of things. First; that I’m glad I’m out (for the most part), and second; I’m not happy with what being out has brought about.
We’ll begin with the first part. It seems like the easiest to explain, it is just simply a hell of a lot easier to not have to hide anything when you are in public or with friends. I have been out for almost two years, and going back to ways of hiding relationships and such was not welcome, though I was a weathered pro (it’s kind of like riding a bicycle, you’ll always be good if you once were)
Moving on, however, I realized that I do not feel like who I am in public truly represents how I feel inside. I have conditioned myself to be what people want me to be. A life of hiding this aspect of me has created a desire to be accepted now that I am open about my sexuality. This desire to forego the notion that the gay kid will be made fun of, to become popular or well liked despite the odds, has led me to create a persona that people like to see; the stereotype.
Recently I have been playing a lot of video games; which my friends said they could never imagine. Well why couldn’t they imagine it? I’ve always liked them, my dad and I had the original Nintendo and we have been updating ever since, always getting the newest or coolest system. It’s fun, it’s relaxing, but my friends find it odd… because it’s not gay.
Also, I’ve had a strong desire to go snowboarding and running lately. This I believe stems from people often mentioning that I am not a sports person. I enjoy sports, I like going to baseball and hockey games and used to play soccer and hockey when I was younger, and I loved both of them. Well why I am not a sports person now? Oh right I’m the queeny fag. But I’m not really. In comparison with other open gay guys, I’m hardly at the top of the list for gayness, if you will.
So please, if we aren’t friends, don’t ask me to go shopping. Yes I am conscious of what I wear and do like the activity, but it doesn’t mean I want to shop 24/7. I have my group of shopping friends already. Oh and if you’re a guy, it wouldn’t hurt to strike up a conversation now and again. Just so you know, I have 360 and like snowboarding; two topics to begin with. Oh and I like normal music too. I tried that theatre queen thing, didn’t work out for me.
I’m not the school gay, get over it.