I Hate Breast Cancer Awareness Month
So, I hate Breast Cancer Awareness. The Month, you know, or just the awareness in General. My reasons are thusly:
#1 I Am Aware of Breast Cancer
I have never been more aware of anything in my life. I am sick of hearing about breast cancer. I am sick of little pink ribbons. I am sick of pink Yoplait lids, of special promotions, of famous people wearing pink crap. And I'll grant you, this year has been much better than last year... this year I can go 3, 4 whole hours without hearing about Breast Cancer. Last year I swear it was like people were popping out of bushes covered in pink every time I went out of the house.
Obviously millions if not billions are spent on this ad campaign for "awareness". I don't think they want everyone to wake up everyday yelling "OMG BREAST CANCER". Yes, they do want women to check their breasts for lumps. But they also want Money. Specifically, a group of people want money to give to researchers so we can all feel like we're doing something about cancer.
#2 Screw Breasts
Do you remember when everyone wanted to save baby seals? They're so cute. We all hear about baby seals, and spotted owls, and whales. But do you ever hear about the poisonous hairy 2-pound rat-eating spiders in South America that are about to go extinct? No! We only want to raise money to save the cute animals.
It's the same thing with Breast Cancer. Breast Cancer is the baby seal of the cancer world. They're sexy. Everyone loves breasts, who doesn't want to save breasts? What about liver cancer? Screw liver cancer! No one gives a crap about liver cancer, livers are ugly! Sex sells. It even sells cancer research.
#3 Screw People Who Only Want Their Money to go to Breast Cancer
I read an article last year about how every year we raise a gabillion dollars for breast cancer, and then, in the past, that money was distributed to other cancer research, not necessarily breast cancer research. And people flipped out. There were all these letters, and protests, about how it was misleading that people donated money to breast cancer research, and it was actually being used to research (gasp) other cancers. Those people are retarded, and I hate them. They make me hate breast cancer even more.
#4 There's No Such Thing as a Cure For Cancer Anyways
Cancer isn't a disease. It's not a virus, or bacteria, or something we can prevent. Cancer is our own bodies. It's our own cells, screwing up when they divide. I have read a Crapload (tm) of books about cells, and genes, and DNA, and RNA, and nucleotides and proteins and how the human body develops, and telomeres, etc, etc. The more you learn about how living beings operate, the more amazed and awed you become about the fact that we're even here at all. It is complicated. They're not exactly handing out the biomed and genetics degrees out on the street. The intricacies of the millions of teeny little chemical reactions that take place in each one of our cells every minute will blow your mind right out of your left ear.
And every single time your cells divide, they're depending on this fantastically complicated chain reaction of chemicals to do it right. To make a cell that's whole, and working, and the right kind in the right place. If something screws up that chemical reaction, the unzipping and rebuilding of the DNA, boom, the new cell is Bad. Usually it's fine because we have backup after backup to keep a Bad Cell from splitting again. But sometimes the backups fail, and you have a tumor.
What makes that chemical reaction screw up? CHEMICALS. Chemicals that shouldn't be in our bodies. Pollution, processed crap that we're eating, chemicals we add to everything in our house to make it shiny and fresh-smelling. Strong electromagnetic fields that mess with protein chains. Basically, damn near everything around us nowadays. In my humble opinion* we should stop donating money to cancer research and start paying attention to pollution and weird chemicals in our processed food.**
*ever so humble
** except, I still buy the processed food and use RAID, so I am a huge Hypocrite.***
*** Also this post, while containing some truths, was mostly meant for humor, so if your mom died from breast cancer please don't firebomb my house.
#1 I Am Aware of Breast Cancer
I have never been more aware of anything in my life. I am sick of hearing about breast cancer. I am sick of little pink ribbons. I am sick of pink Yoplait lids, of special promotions, of famous people wearing pink crap. And I'll grant you, this year has been much better than last year... this year I can go 3, 4 whole hours without hearing about Breast Cancer. Last year I swear it was like people were popping out of bushes covered in pink every time I went out of the house.
Obviously millions if not billions are spent on this ad campaign for "awareness". I don't think they want everyone to wake up everyday yelling "OMG BREAST CANCER". Yes, they do want women to check their breasts for lumps. But they also want Money. Specifically, a group of people want money to give to researchers so we can all feel like we're doing something about cancer.
#2 Screw Breasts
Do you remember when everyone wanted to save baby seals? They're so cute. We all hear about baby seals, and spotted owls, and whales. But do you ever hear about the poisonous hairy 2-pound rat-eating spiders in South America that are about to go extinct? No! We only want to raise money to save the cute animals.
It's the same thing with Breast Cancer. Breast Cancer is the baby seal of the cancer world. They're sexy. Everyone loves breasts, who doesn't want to save breasts? What about liver cancer? Screw liver cancer! No one gives a crap about liver cancer, livers are ugly! Sex sells. It even sells cancer research.
#3 Screw People Who Only Want Their Money to go to Breast Cancer
I read an article last year about how every year we raise a gabillion dollars for breast cancer, and then, in the past, that money was distributed to other cancer research, not necessarily breast cancer research. And people flipped out. There were all these letters, and protests, about how it was misleading that people donated money to breast cancer research, and it was actually being used to research (gasp) other cancers. Those people are retarded, and I hate them. They make me hate breast cancer even more.
#4 There's No Such Thing as a Cure For Cancer Anyways
Cancer isn't a disease. It's not a virus, or bacteria, or something we can prevent. Cancer is our own bodies. It's our own cells, screwing up when they divide. I have read a Crapload (tm) of books about cells, and genes, and DNA, and RNA, and nucleotides and proteins and how the human body develops, and telomeres, etc, etc. The more you learn about how living beings operate, the more amazed and awed you become about the fact that we're even here at all. It is complicated. They're not exactly handing out the biomed and genetics degrees out on the street. The intricacies of the millions of teeny little chemical reactions that take place in each one of our cells every minute will blow your mind right out of your left ear.
And every single time your cells divide, they're depending on this fantastically complicated chain reaction of chemicals to do it right. To make a cell that's whole, and working, and the right kind in the right place. If something screws up that chemical reaction, the unzipping and rebuilding of the DNA, boom, the new cell is Bad. Usually it's fine because we have backup after backup to keep a Bad Cell from splitting again. But sometimes the backups fail, and you have a tumor.
What makes that chemical reaction screw up? CHEMICALS. Chemicals that shouldn't be in our bodies. Pollution, processed crap that we're eating, chemicals we add to everything in our house to make it shiny and fresh-smelling. Strong electromagnetic fields that mess with protein chains. Basically, damn near everything around us nowadays. In my humble opinion* we should stop donating money to cancer research and start paying attention to pollution and weird chemicals in our processed food.**
*ever so humble
** except, I still buy the processed food and use RAID, so I am a huge Hypocrite.***
*** Also this post, while containing some truths, was mostly meant for humor, so if your mom died from breast cancer please don't firebomb my house.