And I guess thats life
As many know, I decided to continue at UCSB--sort of. With a minor in Comparative Literature and my Major in Theatre, I am in the BFA [Bachelor's of Fine Arts]. It is a family--large, loving and dysfunctional. The support I receive from my peers is priceless and so valuable to my personal and professional growth.
Today, everyone agreed. After acting class a friend screamed, "I've never felt so on top and then turn to want to kill myself all from the same sentence." There is no way that i negate the intensive coursework and the tedium of other endeavors, HOWEVER, this program is harder than i imagined. I must keep in mind that it is crucial to tear down a structure to reconstruct a more efficient, more impressive and much more elaborate edifice. And that shit hurts.
Since I was four, I knew I wanted to be in entertainment. Since Junior year, I knew that I would do whatever it takes to make it. As a College Freshman, my delusions of grandeur grew. I took the small obstacles and found the best ways around. As of last week, I wanted to quit.
I seriously considered acting a mistake--looking around--there is so much more to the craft that i could have conceived. The layers, the depth, the process, the preparation, the execution, they all take massive amounts of mental and emotional energy. Balancing it with schoolwork, clubs and a workout regiment is thrilling. If there is one thing i am learning, it is that faith and hope have so much more of an impact in a dedicated life than i knew. Before, I thought neither had a place in my world, but it is crucial and vital for an artist. There needs to exist an undying optimism at the core, or else the integrity fails within the logic of becoming an artist.
I humor the idea that I have a reasonably expansive mind, and even so, the amount I have yet to learn, must keep in consideration, and balance, seems overwhelming.
It seems paramount to breakdown the insuperable mountain and take it one step at a time. THis leads me into that faith/hope; I am going to assume that the whole is equal to the sum of its parts. so often it is not, but there is no other way to drive forward. Deep inside, I have faith that I'll find the strength I need when I need it.
Today, everyone agreed. After acting class a friend screamed, "I've never felt so on top and then turn to want to kill myself all from the same sentence." There is no way that i negate the intensive coursework and the tedium of other endeavors, HOWEVER, this program is harder than i imagined. I must keep in mind that it is crucial to tear down a structure to reconstruct a more efficient, more impressive and much more elaborate edifice. And that shit hurts.
Since I was four, I knew I wanted to be in entertainment. Since Junior year, I knew that I would do whatever it takes to make it. As a College Freshman, my delusions of grandeur grew. I took the small obstacles and found the best ways around. As of last week, I wanted to quit.
I seriously considered acting a mistake--looking around--there is so much more to the craft that i could have conceived. The layers, the depth, the process, the preparation, the execution, they all take massive amounts of mental and emotional energy. Balancing it with schoolwork, clubs and a workout regiment is thrilling. If there is one thing i am learning, it is that faith and hope have so much more of an impact in a dedicated life than i knew. Before, I thought neither had a place in my world, but it is crucial and vital for an artist. There needs to exist an undying optimism at the core, or else the integrity fails within the logic of becoming an artist.
I humor the idea that I have a reasonably expansive mind, and even so, the amount I have yet to learn, must keep in consideration, and balance, seems overwhelming.
It seems paramount to breakdown the insuperable mountain and take it one step at a time. THis leads me into that faith/hope; I am going to assume that the whole is equal to the sum of its parts. so often it is not, but there is no other way to drive forward. Deep inside, I have faith that I'll find the strength I need when I need it.