~end of the year long ass update~
Hello my dears It's been a while. I've been really busy stressing about college stuff and drill team, and more college stuff and the career path that I want to choose and the one that is chosen for me. I have this funny feeling that I will not end up a dietitian, I think I just might end up in a different field of study far away from something medical, a desirable one (well to me at least.)
I'm about to turn 18 soon, hip! hip! hurray! I think this might be the last year that I will celebrate my birthday together with my brothers,cause every year it gets more awkward for me at least. I mean it is fun, but my invited guest always leave really early and so I'm just left there with the boys who I haven't talked to in the longest time. It's weird seeing all of them.When all the OLV heads get together, it makes me realize there is a whole other life outside of school and education and it's quite tempting.
I realize that I do have artistic talent ( and I'm not trying to be conceited here), I've gotten pretty far with 12 years of trial and error self teaching and one year of high school intro to art. My stuff is still a bit rough and the level of talent and skill is unstable with each work but with proper instruction I can be even better, like up to male muse status and my work can be more stable.
I want to do a lot of things and many of these things my parents do not approve of, It really sucks because I'm not the typical rebellious teen (ermm almost young adult) that wants to have sex, drink, do drugs and party. I want to do things that are beneficial to the world and increase my cultural knowledge of other places, I want a job so that I can make my dreams come true. It's hard for me cause I don't have an immediate role model to look up to. I feel like I'm the first of my kind though I know I'm not. I know my problem and I know what I need to get rid of, it's my caring spirit. I need to stop caring about others' feelings and start going for what I want. I can't sacrifice it though cause that's a big part of who I am. I just need to down size it and control it, easier said then done. I don't think I have the balls to go off on my own support my self and live by myself. I dunno how those Amish kids do it. It seems kinda scary.
Well I better get started on that college essay, It's not gonna start itself like the last one did.
I'm about to turn 18 soon, hip! hip! hurray! I think this might be the last year that I will celebrate my birthday together with my brothers,cause every year it gets more awkward for me at least. I mean it is fun, but my invited guest always leave really early and so I'm just left there with the boys who I haven't talked to in the longest time. It's weird seeing all of them.When all the OLV heads get together, it makes me realize there is a whole other life outside of school and education and it's quite tempting.
I realize that I do have artistic talent ( and I'm not trying to be conceited here), I've gotten pretty far with 12 years of trial and error self teaching and one year of high school intro to art. My stuff is still a bit rough and the level of talent and skill is unstable with each work but with proper instruction I can be even better, like up to male muse status and my work can be more stable.
I want to do a lot of things and many of these things my parents do not approve of, It really sucks because I'm not the typical rebellious teen (ermm almost young adult) that wants to have sex, drink, do drugs and party. I want to do things that are beneficial to the world and increase my cultural knowledge of other places, I want a job so that I can make my dreams come true. It's hard for me cause I don't have an immediate role model to look up to. I feel like I'm the first of my kind though I know I'm not. I know my problem and I know what I need to get rid of, it's my caring spirit. I need to stop caring about others' feelings and start going for what I want. I can't sacrifice it though cause that's a big part of who I am. I just need to down size it and control it, easier said then done. I don't think I have the balls to go off on my own support my self and live by myself. I dunno how those Amish kids do it. It seems kinda scary.
Well I better get started on that college essay, It's not gonna start itself like the last one did.