my roller coaster has the biggest ups and downs
i dont knooowww.
im mulling over some pretty important stuff in my head at the moment and its frustrating. why do things that look so good on paper have to be such a let down in real life? and for that matter, why do the things that look anything but sound always make you feel the best?
thats all i can think about as i sit here, looking at my apartment which is clean... for now... and wondering where i am going to find $200 to pay my rent... which was due sunday. oops.
my car still wont start and im frantic. things are literally falling apart and im not sure what i am supposed to do on such short funds. i think i should just give up my social life and stop eating all together, which would save a little bit of money. i guess ill have to stop drinking and smoking too. cant i juts shut my eyes, reach under the couch, and pull out a wad of 20s?
sammi is my only sanity lately. mollys still gone and i dont know what to do about that. usually she would be telling me what to do now (can we say codependence) but im stuck with rash decisions and the urge to drink from an empty freezer. i should make bottles of stoli last longer than two days.
and 1/8s longer than one.
i have a problem. i feel smart because im watching the travel channel and theyre talking about glacial striations and i actually know what that is, why they even matter, and how to read them. fucking geology did something for me i guess.
ive been feeling like i need to cry since sunday night, when katie hunter and i watched my girl and only made it to the part where macaulay culkin gets stung by the bees. they hadnt even told veta yet, and she was just sitting in her room over feeding her fish. i should probably just watch it and cry, but i cant.
but i need to. for a few reasons.
1) i cant have what i want. i also cant elaborate on that. just because.
2) money. duh.
3) car, school, etc. lets not beat a dead horse.
4) i need a day thats all about me. that sounds so selfish but i just need a day thats mine! me driving to where ever it is that i need to be me, wearing nothing but a smile and high on life itself. this is right before i pass unicorns on the street and dragons munching on princesses. life sucks.
i have a feeling that im going to die before im 30. that might be morbid, but i have a feeling. if im blowing out candles on july 5, 2017 ill be shocked. maybe because i dont see the big 3-0 involving candles so much as drinks and kids i dont want and bills and tears and... things like that.
im mulling over some pretty important stuff in my head at the moment and its frustrating. why do things that look so good on paper have to be such a let down in real life? and for that matter, why do the things that look anything but sound always make you feel the best?
thats all i can think about as i sit here, looking at my apartment which is clean... for now... and wondering where i am going to find $200 to pay my rent... which was due sunday. oops.
my car still wont start and im frantic. things are literally falling apart and im not sure what i am supposed to do on such short funds. i think i should just give up my social life and stop eating all together, which would save a little bit of money. i guess ill have to stop drinking and smoking too. cant i juts shut my eyes, reach under the couch, and pull out a wad of 20s?
sammi is my only sanity lately. mollys still gone and i dont know what to do about that. usually she would be telling me what to do now (can we say codependence) but im stuck with rash decisions and the urge to drink from an empty freezer. i should make bottles of stoli last longer than two days.
and 1/8s longer than one.
i have a problem. i feel smart because im watching the travel channel and theyre talking about glacial striations and i actually know what that is, why they even matter, and how to read them. fucking geology did something for me i guess.
ive been feeling like i need to cry since sunday night, when katie hunter and i watched my girl and only made it to the part where macaulay culkin gets stung by the bees. they hadnt even told veta yet, and she was just sitting in her room over feeding her fish. i should probably just watch it and cry, but i cant.
but i need to. for a few reasons.
1) i cant have what i want. i also cant elaborate on that. just because.
2) money. duh.
3) car, school, etc. lets not beat a dead horse.
4) i need a day thats all about me. that sounds so selfish but i just need a day thats mine! me driving to where ever it is that i need to be me, wearing nothing but a smile and high on life itself. this is right before i pass unicorns on the street and dragons munching on princesses. life sucks.
i have a feeling that im going to die before im 30. that might be morbid, but i have a feeling. if im blowing out candles on july 5, 2017 ill be shocked. maybe because i dont see the big 3-0 involving candles so much as drinks and kids i dont want and bills and tears and... things like that.