HOPE
A new feeling is in the air here! WOOHOO! I don't care if I am still a bit sick; I am going out tonight and celebrating.
I freely admit that I completely drink the koolaid of hope when it comes to Obama. I haven't felt this hopeful since ... well, I can't remember when! His inaugural speech was awesome -- what a focus on the fact that it is time to grow up, time for us to start making the hard choices and putting real work into building our lives and our nation. And the focus on peace and understanding, especially with the Muslim world.
I cried again for a while after the speech. Tears are coming to my eyes even now. I feel a great weight lifted off my chest. Things will not be easy. But there is hope.
I am feeling healthier, thanks to prednisone. I know everyone hates taking it, but I actually like it. It makes me more aggro, which I am in sore need of right now. It's kind of like speed or an upper, but I can focus. It might be what ADD folks experience on ritalin -- a sense of focus and energy. I know in the long run it can make you angry and fat (that happened for a while to my mom's dog when they had him on steroids). But for the few days I am taking it, it has the potential to jump-start my energy. And maybe I can do what Eros asked in our relationship -- be more assertive and regain my confident energy. I know it's here. I can feel it coming back. If he chooses to stand by me during my healing process, I think he will be pleased with the results.
I woke up before 8 today -- still later than 7, which I shot for. But I've already done a lot -- including yoga for the first time in a long time.
Being sick and depressed has made me slack off on exercising and eating right. I've gained back a lot of weight -- yesterday at the doctor's I was back up to 218. I am determined to make it down to 190 by June or July. I started yesterday with better eating and a long walk; today it's time for more physical exercise, now that I can sort of breathe.
Two days ago I ordered a ton of marketing materials for my wedding photography business. I am putting a lot of effort into getting it rolling -- and learning more as I go along. Every day I try to spend some time engaged with my photography. I love it so much. I love the responses I am getting from people telling me how awesome my work is. Nothing like a little ego-stroking to make you feel good!
Today will include about an hour of wandering around walking the neighborhood and maybe up into the little Sunny Brae park. The sun is leaving tomorrow and the fog is rolling in again. Better get out there while I have the chance to enjoy it!