ugh...
Well, here goes a night time emo rampage.
I suck at life. I really do. It's nearly 3 in the morning and I am still awake trying desperately to figure out where the money I need to pay for school, phone, car repairs, vet bills (yes, I just shelled out another 300 for that)...school alone is going to be pricey enough and it sure looks like I am going to get another quarter older with no progress on the rest of my life. Things look bleak. I stopped out a year ago to try and lets face it, get ahold of myself and work out a few issues. I am quite frankly no better off now than I was then. Sure, I don't have the migranes but I'm back to panic attacks, I have to take pills to keep myself functional and my life is getting verbally abused by customers. Actually, I can't say that, I hated TU more than my "life" now. At TU I was trapped, at least here I have the potential to escape my minimum wage hell. I really think that I need to start planing for things, like teaching in China for a year or more once I get my BA, because unless something big changes getting my masters will be just as miserable. I think maybe that is a good way to motivate myself. All I can see is an insurmountable amout of shit in front of me, but as long as I have something I want on the other side, I know I can do it. Although I don't always get exactly what I want, I don't quit trying until I do, sometimes I just need a time out to restratigize. So I think this next quarter is just going to be me getting back into the swing of things and reminding myself that I can do it.
I suck at life. I really do. It's nearly 3 in the morning and I am still awake trying desperately to figure out where the money I need to pay for school, phone, car repairs, vet bills (yes, I just shelled out another 300 for that)...school alone is going to be pricey enough and it sure looks like I am going to get another quarter older with no progress on the rest of my life. Things look bleak. I stopped out a year ago to try and lets face it, get ahold of myself and work out a few issues. I am quite frankly no better off now than I was then. Sure, I don't have the migranes but I'm back to panic attacks, I have to take pills to keep myself functional and my life is getting verbally abused by customers. Actually, I can't say that, I hated TU more than my "life" now. At TU I was trapped, at least here I have the potential to escape my minimum wage hell. I really think that I need to start planing for things, like teaching in China for a year or more once I get my BA, because unless something big changes getting my masters will be just as miserable. I think maybe that is a good way to motivate myself. All I can see is an insurmountable amout of shit in front of me, but as long as I have something I want on the other side, I know I can do it. Although I don't always get exactly what I want, I don't quit trying until I do, sometimes I just need a time out to restratigize. So I think this next quarter is just going to be me getting back into the swing of things and reminding myself that I can do it.