I thought this was cute...
To: Simpson Sears
Sept. turdeenth,
Yous lot,
Im havin me son Wesley type up dis letter fer me cuz I wants to be
shore yu's can read it all. Tis abot da sandals. Da reason Wesley
kin type up dis letter is owin to lass year he sen way to yore
catalogge fer a camera and yu's didn't ave eny cameras leff so
yu's sen en a typeriter. Tis da same wit da sandals. Dare no more
like da ones sen fer, den dare like shit. I wanted da ones wit da
rabit fir and da bit of puce and not da ones wit da tossils. Tis
no Bloody good dese daze to sen way fer anyting in da catalogge
since Eatins closed. Can't yu's git anyting write? I'm pizoned wit
yu's fellers and so is every woman roun ere, da ones in da cove
too! An I'm not da only woman sayin it or da only man eider, fer
dat mater. Only da udder day I herd ant Berda Bussey from da cove
say, tis no Bloody good to sen way fer anyting in da catalogge
since Eatin's closed owin to yu's don't git anyting ya sens fer.
Yes, me maid, I sez to she ,I got to hole wit ya dere. Tis like da
year afore lass wen I sens fer da two suits of underwear (long)
fer Wesley an a cap fer wearin in da woods an out birdin. I gives
yu's da size fer da underwear (long) an I figgured yu's wood ave
enough cents da sen da cap da same size as da underwear (long)
owin to bein all fer da same boy or man as Wesley is now. And wat
dues ya sens? Underwar bottoms dat Wesley woodin git is ead into
and dat I couldint git me arse in and e's not small!
So wer all fed up includin ant Berda Bussey who tole me dat lass
year she sen fer a corset for sheself an ad a brass cornet come an
she wit nar note in er ead! An da year afore dat she sen way fer a
pair a glasses so she could knit and crowshay. I'd be damed if
she didn't ave two wader tummlers come instid!!
I only got 2 more tings to say to yu's lot. I'm knot goin da pay
fer da sandals an I don't intens da sen dem back! So if yu's wants
dem, yu's wii ave da come ere but Wesley sez if yu's does, he'll
kill ya an he will too, cauz e nearly kilt Garge yisterday fer
tryin da take a snap wit da typeriter!!
Yer frien.
Mrs Mary-Hann Bogwater (Chapel Arm, Catolic Sade)
p.s. Don't min mudder. Shes foolish as a bag of arseoles. I'd
sooner ave a typeriter anyday den a camera!
Wesley Bogwater
Sept. turdeenth,
Yous lot,
Im havin me son Wesley type up dis letter fer me cuz I wants to be
shore yu's can read it all. Tis abot da sandals. Da reason Wesley
kin type up dis letter is owin to lass year he sen way to yore
catalogge fer a camera and yu's didn't ave eny cameras leff so
yu's sen en a typeriter. Tis da same wit da sandals. Dare no more
like da ones sen fer, den dare like shit. I wanted da ones wit da
rabit fir and da bit of puce and not da ones wit da tossils. Tis
no Bloody good dese daze to sen way fer anyting in da catalogge
since Eatins closed. Can't yu's git anyting write? I'm pizoned wit
yu's fellers and so is every woman roun ere, da ones in da cove
too! An I'm not da only woman sayin it or da only man eider, fer
dat mater. Only da udder day I herd ant Berda Bussey from da cove
say, tis no Bloody good to sen way fer anyting in da catalogge
since Eatin's closed owin to yu's don't git anyting ya sens fer.
Yes, me maid, I sez to she ,I got to hole wit ya dere. Tis like da
year afore lass wen I sens fer da two suits of underwear (long)
fer Wesley an a cap fer wearin in da woods an out birdin. I gives
yu's da size fer da underwear (long) an I figgured yu's wood ave
enough cents da sen da cap da same size as da underwear (long)
owin to bein all fer da same boy or man as Wesley is now. And wat
dues ya sens? Underwar bottoms dat Wesley woodin git is ead into
and dat I couldint git me arse in and e's not small!
So wer all fed up includin ant Berda Bussey who tole me dat lass
year she sen fer a corset for sheself an ad a brass cornet come an
she wit nar note in er ead! An da year afore dat she sen way fer a
pair a glasses so she could knit and crowshay. I'd be damed if
she didn't ave two wader tummlers come instid!!
I only got 2 more tings to say to yu's lot. I'm knot goin da pay
fer da sandals an I don't intens da sen dem back! So if yu's wants
dem, yu's wii ave da come ere but Wesley sez if yu's does, he'll
kill ya an he will too, cauz e nearly kilt Garge yisterday fer
tryin da take a snap wit da typeriter!!
Yer frien.
Mrs Mary-Hann Bogwater (Chapel Arm, Catolic Sade)
p.s. Don't min mudder. Shes foolish as a bag of arseoles. I'd
sooner ave a typeriter anyday den a camera!
Wesley Bogwater