hello, i forgot about you
it's been awhile since i've typed in a blog of some sort and ranted about silly things like feelings and such, but now i remember that i wanted to have a blog just so i sort of know what the hell happened in the past. because i'm forgetting things like crazy these days, and it's kinda scary.
i got back from austin a week ago after staying with jo. it was very nice, uber laid back, and it kinda made me wanna give up everything to live in a house in hyde park with my dog. it really made me feel that way.
i've been sort of growing out of the initial reasons as to why i wanted to have a "career" in the first place. what constitutes a happy life anyway, enjoying it on modest simple terms or having it derive from some self-deprecating tiresome "it'll all be worth it in the end" sort of way?
i see myself "listing my accomplishments" on this blog and in life sometimes, and gah, that is disgusting. day to day i seem to believe less in the possibility of being a good morale person and being in the industry i'm after.
i honestly don't see it (unless you work for Pixar, which i am totally thinking about). these people will cut at your throats for any scrap of food, and although i know that fighter is within me somewhere, i'm not too sure i want that to come out. because honestly, the ugliest moments of my behavior sprout from there. i find myself second guessing my motives for helping people just so they'll "owe me one" later.
i think i'm a person very much effected by my surroundings. a few days in austin and i can sort of fall back into the groove of how i used to live, what i used to enjoy. up until then, i always found myself growing year after year into a better person. but since the move to los angeles, i feel that i've stopped.
this past semester has been hell on me, and many people see the final product and say it was well worth it. i sacrificed so much living that i practically became a workaholic zombie for this film. i'm very proud of Autumn, because I made it with one purpose in mind - to show my Grandparents that I could do it. but this half year i'd really like to take a step back, catch up on life, be invested in my curiosities, and interact with the people around me.
oh, and another thing. i might be falling out of love with new york. but when i say love i mean in a very adolescent way. i had a very life changing experience in nyc, so i think that's why i've been clinging to it like no other for the last few years, still trying to search for that amazing newness of film and independence. i still like the city very very much but can't really say "love" till i've lived there. i guess what i lack in LA is a sense of community and openness to people and ideas.
ugh, me and my bro just played 7 hours of guitar hero, and now i'm unconscious enough to write all this crap on here. we are having a 12/21 bash (he's 12, i'll be 21 soon). the next time this will happen is when he is 23 and i'm 32. ho-ly fuck.
AND AND AND: i am in love with this:
http://visforvictory.muxtape.com/
that is my muxtape site. basically you can compose a mixtape of 12 songs and post em online for everyone to share. clean and easy. bright and breezy.
peace and love always...
i got back from austin a week ago after staying with jo. it was very nice, uber laid back, and it kinda made me wanna give up everything to live in a house in hyde park with my dog. it really made me feel that way.
i've been sort of growing out of the initial reasons as to why i wanted to have a "career" in the first place. what constitutes a happy life anyway, enjoying it on modest simple terms or having it derive from some self-deprecating tiresome "it'll all be worth it in the end" sort of way?
i see myself "listing my accomplishments" on this blog and in life sometimes, and gah, that is disgusting. day to day i seem to believe less in the possibility of being a good morale person and being in the industry i'm after.
i honestly don't see it (unless you work for Pixar, which i am totally thinking about). these people will cut at your throats for any scrap of food, and although i know that fighter is within me somewhere, i'm not too sure i want that to come out. because honestly, the ugliest moments of my behavior sprout from there. i find myself second guessing my motives for helping people just so they'll "owe me one" later.
i think i'm a person very much effected by my surroundings. a few days in austin and i can sort of fall back into the groove of how i used to live, what i used to enjoy. up until then, i always found myself growing year after year into a better person. but since the move to los angeles, i feel that i've stopped.
this past semester has been hell on me, and many people see the final product and say it was well worth it. i sacrificed so much living that i practically became a workaholic zombie for this film. i'm very proud of Autumn, because I made it with one purpose in mind - to show my Grandparents that I could do it. but this half year i'd really like to take a step back, catch up on life, be invested in my curiosities, and interact with the people around me.
oh, and another thing. i might be falling out of love with new york. but when i say love i mean in a very adolescent way. i had a very life changing experience in nyc, so i think that's why i've been clinging to it like no other for the last few years, still trying to search for that amazing newness of film and independence. i still like the city very very much but can't really say "love" till i've lived there. i guess what i lack in LA is a sense of community and openness to people and ideas.
ugh, me and my bro just played 7 hours of guitar hero, and now i'm unconscious enough to write all this crap on here. we are having a 12/21 bash (he's 12, i'll be 21 soon). the next time this will happen is when he is 23 and i'm 32. ho-ly fuck.
AND AND AND: i am in love with this:
http://visforvictory.muxtape.com/
that is my muxtape site. basically you can compose a mixtape of 12 songs and post em online for everyone to share. clean and easy. bright and breezy.
peace and love always...