(no subject)
I don't know anyone on LJ anymore, so the integrity of my entry won't be compromised. On one hand the feedback I received from friends will be missed, but on the other hand I can write with a little more honesty. Just have to make a point to keep it real with myself now.
A ton has been going on since my last entry - not that I read it so that I could start from a point of reference or anything. But there has been so much going on since last month, that I know I won't have enough energy to cover the happenings since that forever ago last entry.
For starters, I began working with an AA sponsor, have since changed sponsors, and now no longer use a sponsor.
I had a baby.
My 11 year old cousin hung himself.
A lot going on.
I want to focus on baby. He's the bright spot in my life. The other day I went into the living room, sunk into a chair and snuggled with him. I was so happy. I had almost forgotten what happiness felt like. But at that point I couldn't come up with a single excuse to declare discontentment. I was happy. I am happy.
I had hoped Darrell might step up and decide to be baby's dad even though we don't have a relationship or anything, but it doesn't look likely. I had anticipated that that would be the reality of things and took on pregnancy with an air of confidence, ready to take on dual parental roles.
But now my son is here. He's so beautiful. I love him so much that I'm having trouble accepting that Darrell could so willingly pass over something that has made such a monumental impact on my life. Granted, he has a child. Granted, I'm not and never was involved with him, but our son is the best thing that ever came out of the terrible user relationship we've had. God has worked through my baby to change my life. And change he has.
A ton has been going on since my last entry - not that I read it so that I could start from a point of reference or anything. But there has been so much going on since last month, that I know I won't have enough energy to cover the happenings since that forever ago last entry.
For starters, I began working with an AA sponsor, have since changed sponsors, and now no longer use a sponsor.
I had a baby.
My 11 year old cousin hung himself.
A lot going on.
I want to focus on baby. He's the bright spot in my life. The other day I went into the living room, sunk into a chair and snuggled with him. I was so happy. I had almost forgotten what happiness felt like. But at that point I couldn't come up with a single excuse to declare discontentment. I was happy. I am happy.
I had hoped Darrell might step up and decide to be baby's dad even though we don't have a relationship or anything, but it doesn't look likely. I had anticipated that that would be the reality of things and took on pregnancy with an air of confidence, ready to take on dual parental roles.
But now my son is here. He's so beautiful. I love him so much that I'm having trouble accepting that Darrell could so willingly pass over something that has made such a monumental impact on my life. Granted, he has a child. Granted, I'm not and never was involved with him, but our son is the best thing that ever came out of the terrible user relationship we've had. God has worked through my baby to change my life. And change he has.