(no subject)
So here I'm finding myself again...and the worst part about it is that I was feeling good. I went through that phase of feeling nothing to come out feeling like new, better. This is only going to take me back down that path again and I don't know if i can handle it.
I feel like....there is this spark living within me. sheltered and contained I can handle it but...when I allow something to ignite it the fire blazes hot and uncontrollable only to consume everything and leave me with nothing but ash. That's what happens. I feel normal, then I think that maybe, someone shows up and makes me wonder and the fire ignites but they don't really mean it. It's just the game and so there I am with nothing but disappointment and little self-worth or value. But I rise from the ashes every time I'm just not willing to keep up with this cycle...
I'm just lost. I don't know what I want and even if I did I wouldn't get it...I never do and i'm not just trying to be dramatic but i'm like 0-10. And I really feel torn that that guy wanted to dance with me on Sunday and he wasn't bad looking but I was too into mark. And now look where I am. He seemed like a genuine nice guy and I caught him looking at me a few times and I just feel bad, someone that really wanted to talk to me and now look where I am.
I feel like....there is this spark living within me. sheltered and contained I can handle it but...when I allow something to ignite it the fire blazes hot and uncontrollable only to consume everything and leave me with nothing but ash. That's what happens. I feel normal, then I think that maybe, someone shows up and makes me wonder and the fire ignites but they don't really mean it. It's just the game and so there I am with nothing but disappointment and little self-worth or value. But I rise from the ashes every time I'm just not willing to keep up with this cycle...
I'm just lost. I don't know what I want and even if I did I wouldn't get it...I never do and i'm not just trying to be dramatic but i'm like 0-10. And I really feel torn that that guy wanted to dance with me on Sunday and he wasn't bad looking but I was too into mark. And now look where I am. He seemed like a genuine nice guy and I caught him looking at me a few times and I just feel bad, someone that really wanted to talk to me and now look where I am.