Of overreactions, expectations and snap judgements.
I'm at work and probably shouldn't be so ranty here, but I've been stewing on a couple of things for the past few days and, well, you know I have issues with having to put my opinion out there.
There's been a bunch of stuff posted lately about role models, and the bandom boys as such, and, well, it's making me rant.
I think role models are bullshit. No, I really do. We shouldn't want to grow up to be like someone else. We should want to grow up to be the best person we can be ourselves. But maybe that's beside the point.
I think it's ridiculous to blame someone else for your own behaviour. Because, at the end of the day, you make your decisions. No one else does. And if you want to drink or smoke or do drugs or cut yourselve or commit suicide? That is up to you. But don't blame anyone for it. And don't blame anyone for it if you see other people doing these things.
You don't agree with smoking? That's fine. But don't say that people are going to start smoking, get cancer and die, just because they see Frank and Gerard lighting up.
You don't agree with drinking? That's fine too. But don't blame other people being irresponsible with alcohol on the fact that Jon Walker enjoys a beer or because Tomrad has drunk more bottles of wine so far this year than I've drunk in my entire life (disclaimer: I don't actually know this is true, but if everyone else is being overly dramatic and exagerating things, then I shall too).
You don't like drugs? That is fine. I've never done drugs myself. I've never seen the appeal of them not even weed, but I think that's more of a 'I've never been in a situation to smoke with people I trust' more than anything else. I have nothing against drugs. If you do, fine. But blaming people getting high and doing whatever they do on Joe and Travie liking to smoke? Doesn't make sense.
The thing is- it's not their jobs to be role models. They're here to make music, to do something they all clearly love. Which is awesome. If people choose to look up to them, well, that's their choice. But they shouldn't have to change. They're not perfect. They're flawed human beings. And, actually, there's no one definition of perfect. Someone is always going to find fault with what they do and say it's not good enough, that they should think of the fans.
I've seen stuff in a few places now about, for example, Spencer drinking a beer onstage. I really don't know if this is either a) being non-American, b) being from a family that is completely relaxed about such things or c) being a rational individual, but does it really matter? There really is no magical event that happens the moment you turn 18 or 21 or whatever age drinking is legal in your country, that makes you better or worse at handling alcohol than you would have been a day before. Drinking age is an arbitrary number, and I think that the fact that this age varies around the world shows that there's no right or wrong age to drink. Ditto when it comes to drugs- rules and restrictions differ the world over and while part of me is all 'Follow the rules of the country in which you live' another part of me is all 'DAMN THE MAN'. My point is- just because a dude in a suit sitting in an office somewhere says that certain things are right or wrong, that you should live your life a certain way, follow a certain path- it doesn't mean you should. You have to decide these things for yourself. You have to take the responsibility. You have to decide what is right or wrong, on your own, without holding people up on pedestals and blaming them for things you deem to be bad behaviour in other people.
I was going to rant more about MCR and co being blamed for people cutting themselves and killing themselves and I think they make easy targets for fingerpointing because they're so upfront about who they are and what they stand for and peole don't seem to like that. But people are wrong and moronic if they think these bands are telling kids to do that shit. It's cowardly to point the finger at them and say 'They made me do this' or 'they made my kid do this' but until you actually sit down and listen to them, before you do your research and learn what they're all about, then you're an idiot and talking out of your ass. To be honest, I don't get the whole 'MCR are a death cult' thing, because, if anything, I get pissed off at MCR and their fans for being too OMG WE'RE GOING TO SAVE LIVES YAYAYAYAY so I really don't know how people are managing to interpret Gerard's enthusiasm and singing about carrying on living as 'buy razors! slash wrists! make yourself dead now!'.
In conclusion- stand up and take responsibility for your actions, and don't blame them on Pete or Gerard or Ryan or Travie or whoever.
*takes deep breath*
While I'm in a ranting mood, here's my tuppence worth about whole bandflesh wank going on.
I'm not a Flesher. It's possible I have no place even talking about this, but I'm feeling kinda ranty, and other people have waded in with their opinions, so here is bonus ranting! Hurrah!
I have fleshers on my flist, and they've never shown me that they're anything other than completely awesome people. Some of them I talk to more than others, some of them I love more than others, because well, that's how things work. But they're all lovely people. I've been hearing about bandflesh for awhile, and I've been over to check it out a few times. And I have to say, the things people are saying about it? That it's a hatememe and stuff? Bullshit. Admittedly, I haven't spent all that much time over there- I've gone whenever I've heard something mentioned, or, occasionally (and I'm sorry if it's weird that I've done this, and bandfleshers can totally tell me to gtfo or whatever) when I've been feeling kinda shitty and I've been curious if they're having a Pete picspam moment or if I've heard rumours about something happy and bandom related (usually Panic related goodness) that I can't find anywhere, but reckon they might have.
So. I've been there a few times. And yes, they talk about things people say or do around the internet which is, I'm pretty sure, something that we all risk people doing whenever we post in what is essentially a public place. At least, that's the way I think about it. I guess it's easy to get all butthurt if someone says your fic sucks, or you've expressed an opinion someone doesn't agree with. I know I'd get all miffed and huffy at first. But then I'd realise a couple of things, mainly this:
their opinions only matter as much as you let them matter.
Did no one else get taught that "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" thing at school? If someone says something mean about you? You don't have to listen. You don't have to let it affect you.
I mean, seriously. We're all at least in our teens if we're on LJ right? So it should be no surprise to anyone that people sometimes don't like you, or don't like things you do, or don't like things you say. If you don't realise this, well then. I have a news flash for you. Welcome to the real world. The thing is, I'm a big fan of honesty being the best policy. And you can say whatever else you like about anon memes, but the one thing I think you can't really argue with is that they're honest.
With regards to the anonymity- I have to admit I don't completely understand it, but I think I can see both sides. I guess people get paranoid that, if they're saying stuff about them, that the commenter might be one of their friends? Which is understandable, I guess. I'm ridiculously paranoid, but then I choose to trust in my friends. If they had a thread bitching about me, saying something I'd said sucked, or that I wrote awful fic, or just that I was a gigantic bitch or whatever, I wouldn't assume it was one of my friends. Because I'd trust my friends to tell me if they had an issue with something I'd said, or that they'd point out what it was in a fic I'd written that sucked, or that they'd tell me what I was doing that was making me be a gigantic bitch. My motto when it comes to friends is that a true friend calls you on it when you're being a dick, and lets you call them on it when they are.
I'm not saying they're perfect (which you know, ties in with my first rant up there, I guess). Cos they're not. But that's not the point, is it really? All I know is that of the times I've popped by to see what was the what, I've only seen two majorly wanky things- one I thought was completely justified, and the other that completely bewildered me, but, to be honest, it was no different than any wankiness you see anywhere else in fandom. In any fandom.
Here's the thing. Everyone bitches about stuff. If you say you don't, you're either a liar or so pollyanna that I really can't be bothered with you. You know what I- and everyone else in fandom- do? We bitch about things. I bitch about things people have said that have pissed me off. I bitch about things I don't like in fic. I bitch about people bitching about bandom people. The difference between me and bandflesh? I do this in IMs and emails to my friends, or in flocked posts in my LJ. They post in a public place. I don't think either method is better or worse, to be honest. Just different.
Like I said, I'm not a bandflesher. I don't care if you love them, or if you hate them. We're all entitled to our own opinions. But if you're a person who's just sat and defriended a bunch of people just cos they've outed themselves on the basis that a couple of people have thrown tantrums cos they don't like what's been said over there, and you haven't bothered to go and check them out yourself? Then you might as well defriend me too. Because seriously, have whatever opinions you want, but let them be your opinions and at least do your research before you start making sweeping generalisations.
As always, defriend at will. I know a lot of people can't handle their flist having differing opinions to them. I'm not one of those people, but if this is an issue for you then that's fine. No hard feelings. If you want to comment and tell me why you disagree or tell me I'm a douche for either (or both!) of these rants, then that is cool too. Because we all have the right to say what we want to say. Just as we all have the right to disagree with each other. The world would be boring if we were all the same with the same opinions.
There's been a bunch of stuff posted lately about role models, and the bandom boys as such, and, well, it's making me rant.
I think role models are bullshit. No, I really do. We shouldn't want to grow up to be like someone else. We should want to grow up to be the best person we can be ourselves. But maybe that's beside the point.
I think it's ridiculous to blame someone else for your own behaviour. Because, at the end of the day, you make your decisions. No one else does. And if you want to drink or smoke or do drugs or cut yourselve or commit suicide? That is up to you. But don't blame anyone for it. And don't blame anyone for it if you see other people doing these things.
You don't agree with smoking? That's fine. But don't say that people are going to start smoking, get cancer and die, just because they see Frank and Gerard lighting up.
You don't agree with drinking? That's fine too. But don't blame other people being irresponsible with alcohol on the fact that Jon Walker enjoys a beer or because Tomrad has drunk more bottles of wine so far this year than I've drunk in my entire life (disclaimer: I don't actually know this is true, but if everyone else is being overly dramatic and exagerating things, then I shall too).
You don't like drugs? That is fine. I've never done drugs myself. I've never seen the appeal of them not even weed, but I think that's more of a 'I've never been in a situation to smoke with people I trust' more than anything else. I have nothing against drugs. If you do, fine. But blaming people getting high and doing whatever they do on Joe and Travie liking to smoke? Doesn't make sense.
The thing is- it's not their jobs to be role models. They're here to make music, to do something they all clearly love. Which is awesome. If people choose to look up to them, well, that's their choice. But they shouldn't have to change. They're not perfect. They're flawed human beings. And, actually, there's no one definition of perfect. Someone is always going to find fault with what they do and say it's not good enough, that they should think of the fans.
I've seen stuff in a few places now about, for example, Spencer drinking a beer onstage. I really don't know if this is either a) being non-American, b) being from a family that is completely relaxed about such things or c) being a rational individual, but does it really matter? There really is no magical event that happens the moment you turn 18 or 21 or whatever age drinking is legal in your country, that makes you better or worse at handling alcohol than you would have been a day before. Drinking age is an arbitrary number, and I think that the fact that this age varies around the world shows that there's no right or wrong age to drink. Ditto when it comes to drugs- rules and restrictions differ the world over and while part of me is all 'Follow the rules of the country in which you live' another part of me is all 'DAMN THE MAN'. My point is- just because a dude in a suit sitting in an office somewhere says that certain things are right or wrong, that you should live your life a certain way, follow a certain path- it doesn't mean you should. You have to decide these things for yourself. You have to take the responsibility. You have to decide what is right or wrong, on your own, without holding people up on pedestals and blaming them for things you deem to be bad behaviour in other people.
I was going to rant more about MCR and co being blamed for people cutting themselves and killing themselves and I think they make easy targets for fingerpointing because they're so upfront about who they are and what they stand for and peole don't seem to like that. But people are wrong and moronic if they think these bands are telling kids to do that shit. It's cowardly to point the finger at them and say 'They made me do this' or 'they made my kid do this' but until you actually sit down and listen to them, before you do your research and learn what they're all about, then you're an idiot and talking out of your ass. To be honest, I don't get the whole 'MCR are a death cult' thing, because, if anything, I get pissed off at MCR and their fans for being too OMG WE'RE GOING TO SAVE LIVES YAYAYAYAY so I really don't know how people are managing to interpret Gerard's enthusiasm and singing about carrying on living as 'buy razors! slash wrists! make yourself dead now!'.
In conclusion- stand up and take responsibility for your actions, and don't blame them on Pete or Gerard or Ryan or Travie or whoever.
*takes deep breath*
While I'm in a ranting mood, here's my tuppence worth about whole bandflesh wank going on.
I'm not a Flesher. It's possible I have no place even talking about this, but I'm feeling kinda ranty, and other people have waded in with their opinions, so here is bonus ranting! Hurrah!
I have fleshers on my flist, and they've never shown me that they're anything other than completely awesome people. Some of them I talk to more than others, some of them I love more than others, because well, that's how things work. But they're all lovely people. I've been hearing about bandflesh for awhile, and I've been over to check it out a few times. And I have to say, the things people are saying about it? That it's a hatememe and stuff? Bullshit. Admittedly, I haven't spent all that much time over there- I've gone whenever I've heard something mentioned, or, occasionally (and I'm sorry if it's weird that I've done this, and bandfleshers can totally tell me to gtfo or whatever) when I've been feeling kinda shitty and I've been curious if they're having a Pete picspam moment or if I've heard rumours about something happy and bandom related (usually Panic related goodness) that I can't find anywhere, but reckon they might have.
So. I've been there a few times. And yes, they talk about things people say or do around the internet which is, I'm pretty sure, something that we all risk people doing whenever we post in what is essentially a public place. At least, that's the way I think about it. I guess it's easy to get all butthurt if someone says your fic sucks, or you've expressed an opinion someone doesn't agree with. I know I'd get all miffed and huffy at first. But then I'd realise a couple of things, mainly this:
their opinions only matter as much as you let them matter.
Did no one else get taught that "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" thing at school? If someone says something mean about you? You don't have to listen. You don't have to let it affect you.
I mean, seriously. We're all at least in our teens if we're on LJ right? So it should be no surprise to anyone that people sometimes don't like you, or don't like things you do, or don't like things you say. If you don't realise this, well then. I have a news flash for you. Welcome to the real world. The thing is, I'm a big fan of honesty being the best policy. And you can say whatever else you like about anon memes, but the one thing I think you can't really argue with is that they're honest.
With regards to the anonymity- I have to admit I don't completely understand it, but I think I can see both sides. I guess people get paranoid that, if they're saying stuff about them, that the commenter might be one of their friends? Which is understandable, I guess. I'm ridiculously paranoid, but then I choose to trust in my friends. If they had a thread bitching about me, saying something I'd said sucked, or that I wrote awful fic, or just that I was a gigantic bitch or whatever, I wouldn't assume it was one of my friends. Because I'd trust my friends to tell me if they had an issue with something I'd said, or that they'd point out what it was in a fic I'd written that sucked, or that they'd tell me what I was doing that was making me be a gigantic bitch. My motto when it comes to friends is that a true friend calls you on it when you're being a dick, and lets you call them on it when they are.
I'm not saying they're perfect (which you know, ties in with my first rant up there, I guess). Cos they're not. But that's not the point, is it really? All I know is that of the times I've popped by to see what was the what, I've only seen two majorly wanky things- one I thought was completely justified, and the other that completely bewildered me, but, to be honest, it was no different than any wankiness you see anywhere else in fandom. In any fandom.
Here's the thing. Everyone bitches about stuff. If you say you don't, you're either a liar or so pollyanna that I really can't be bothered with you. You know what I- and everyone else in fandom- do? We bitch about things. I bitch about things people have said that have pissed me off. I bitch about things I don't like in fic. I bitch about people bitching about bandom people. The difference between me and bandflesh? I do this in IMs and emails to my friends, or in flocked posts in my LJ. They post in a public place. I don't think either method is better or worse, to be honest. Just different.
Like I said, I'm not a bandflesher. I don't care if you love them, or if you hate them. We're all entitled to our own opinions. But if you're a person who's just sat and defriended a bunch of people just cos they've outed themselves on the basis that a couple of people have thrown tantrums cos they don't like what's been said over there, and you haven't bothered to go and check them out yourself? Then you might as well defriend me too. Because seriously, have whatever opinions you want, but let them be your opinions and at least do your research before you start making sweeping generalisations.
As always, defriend at will. I know a lot of people can't handle their flist having differing opinions to them. I'm not one of those people, but if this is an issue for you then that's fine. No hard feelings. If you want to comment and tell me why you disagree or tell me I'm a douche for either (or both!) of these rants, then that is cool too. Because we all have the right to say what we want to say. Just as we all have the right to disagree with each other. The world would be boring if we were all the same with the same opinions.