Theories of Matt
Okay, so I've been having some mediocre to bad days lately as far as stress, etc. go, but Matt cheered me up tonight.
I've no idea how the subject came up, but we started talking about toys we had when we were kids - he and his brother had G.I. Joes, Trolls, Legos, Hot wheels, etc. I had Barbies, Ghostbusters, random other things, and some of my brother's toys - K'nex, legos, etc. Matt was in a rather silly mood and came up with some interesting....theories..
The Truth About Barbie
Kids are led to believe that Barbie is the perfect person - perfect looks, perfect house, perfect Barbie car, perfect everything. This is not so. Barbie is really a slut, infected with STDs from sleeping around with lots of guys.
Excerpt from Matt's interpretation.... "Oh Barbie, you're so pretty, I want to get your clothes off...Oh Ken *kiss kiss* take them off...*kiss kiss* There we go, now I can see your boobies, they're so nice...*kiss kiss* What about the rest, Ken? *kiss kiss*...I'm having trouble with your painted on underwear *kiss kiss*"
Sad, but true...Barbie's a slut.
How The Beast Really Became The Beast
Mostly everyone knows the Disney story 'Beauty and the Beast', but they don't know the real way the prince was turned into a beast.
According to Matt, the prince saw Barbie and wanted to sleep with her. Unfortunately she's slept with so many guys that she has tons of STDs. It turns out that these various STDs mixed together, and the result was the prince turning into the Beast. Then, of course, the Beast ended up infecting Belle as well (they don't show this part in the movie because all Disney movies have to end happily ever after). Belle ended up growing a beard at first, but now she's covered in hair all over her body as a result of the many STDs.
Of Trolls, G.I. Joe, and Barbie
Trolls, as everyone knows, have lots of hair. They take great pride in this hair, and love to have people touch it. As they're very ugly, the one thing they wanted was to have hair like Barbie's. Sadly, this was not to be - none of them are blondes, they only have blue, green, red, pink, purple, or some combination thereof of hair. Now the trolls took a special liking to the G.I. Joes, wanting them to touch and play with their hair. The G.I. Joes, being the violent type, ended up hurting, killing, and drawing blood from the Trolls. In retaliation, the Trolls went to Barbie and introduced her to the G.I. Joes. As Barbie's a slut, it wasn't long before she started sleeping with the G.I. Joes and passing her STDs onto them. That is how the Trolls got their revenge.
Yeah, so wow. I know there was more, and I probably mixed up some of this, but these were some of the main ones. Most likely they sounded much more amusing when I heard them firsthand, but I figured I'd share them anyway. Plus I'm sure Matt and I'll be laughing about 'em for awhile, hehe.
I've no idea how the subject came up, but we started talking about toys we had when we were kids - he and his brother had G.I. Joes, Trolls, Legos, Hot wheels, etc. I had Barbies, Ghostbusters, random other things, and some of my brother's toys - K'nex, legos, etc. Matt was in a rather silly mood and came up with some interesting....theories..
The Truth About Barbie
Kids are led to believe that Barbie is the perfect person - perfect looks, perfect house, perfect Barbie car, perfect everything. This is not so. Barbie is really a slut, infected with STDs from sleeping around with lots of guys.
Excerpt from Matt's interpretation.... "Oh Barbie, you're so pretty, I want to get your clothes off...Oh Ken *kiss kiss* take them off...*kiss kiss* There we go, now I can see your boobies, they're so nice...*kiss kiss* What about the rest, Ken? *kiss kiss*...I'm having trouble with your painted on underwear *kiss kiss*"
Sad, but true...Barbie's a slut.
How The Beast Really Became The Beast
Mostly everyone knows the Disney story 'Beauty and the Beast', but they don't know the real way the prince was turned into a beast.
According to Matt, the prince saw Barbie and wanted to sleep with her. Unfortunately she's slept with so many guys that she has tons of STDs. It turns out that these various STDs mixed together, and the result was the prince turning into the Beast. Then, of course, the Beast ended up infecting Belle as well (they don't show this part in the movie because all Disney movies have to end happily ever after). Belle ended up growing a beard at first, but now she's covered in hair all over her body as a result of the many STDs.
Of Trolls, G.I. Joe, and Barbie
Trolls, as everyone knows, have lots of hair. They take great pride in this hair, and love to have people touch it. As they're very ugly, the one thing they wanted was to have hair like Barbie's. Sadly, this was not to be - none of them are blondes, they only have blue, green, red, pink, purple, or some combination thereof of hair. Now the trolls took a special liking to the G.I. Joes, wanting them to touch and play with their hair. The G.I. Joes, being the violent type, ended up hurting, killing, and drawing blood from the Trolls. In retaliation, the Trolls went to Barbie and introduced her to the G.I. Joes. As Barbie's a slut, it wasn't long before she started sleeping with the G.I. Joes and passing her STDs onto them. That is how the Trolls got their revenge.
Yeah, so wow. I know there was more, and I probably mixed up some of this, but these were some of the main ones. Most likely they sounded much more amusing when I heard them firsthand, but I figured I'd share them anyway. Plus I'm sure Matt and I'll be laughing about 'em for awhile, hehe.