"Knights, Kings and Sparrows"

[blueiris08]

Title: “Knights, Kings and Sparrows”
Rating: R for language
Pairings/characters: Sam, Dean, Castiel. Genfic.
Word Count: 5300
Episode/Spoilers: “Heaven and Hell,” with general references to other Season 4 episodes.
Summary: “‘Let him speak,’ Castiel commanded, like they didn’t all know he couldn’t shut Sam up with anything less than a tranquilizer

Comments

[blueiris08]

Just one small critisism ... There are a number of places where you say "he" when you mean "Dean," but the pronoun use is obscure enough that I have to read the phrases two or three times, and study the context, to discern if it's Dean or Sam speaking.

I knew that might happen--thank you so much for telling me. The problem arises because, for various reasons, I never use Dean's name when writing from inside his head--he's always 'he' unless someone else is referring to or addressing him. The potential obscurity is manageable when the fic just has Sam and Dean, but it was far more difficult with three or four male characters on stage. Believe it or not, I checked every single pronoun in the story with an eye toward that, but if you had to read sentences two or three times, something wasn't working. I've tweaked the first few paragraphs to make it clear from the first sentence that Dean is the narrator, and again, I'm glad you let me know.

Wow. This is the most fascinating and thoughtful Sam-Castiel interaction I've seen ... maybe ever! I love how you dove headlong into all the hard questions, and made them as hard to ask as to answer. Sam is more than a little scary, here, but all his questions and anger *have* to be things he's struggled with, and you've done such a terrific job of playing it all out.

This is most excellent to hear. Dealing with the issue of Sam's beliefs was a big stretch. In the last season they've thrown in several hints that faith is important to him, but we don't know much more about it. So it seemed like it was something that an author could sink her teeth into, but that involved trying imagine not only what Sam's individual problems feel like, but also what faith itself feels like. Sam is the sort of person who would go to reference works when he's trying to sort something out, so Scripture could sort of serve sort of a road map for the exploration. It was hard to tell, though, how in-character it would seem and how well it would flow.

Castiel--he was a challenge. It was tough to put him in a situation we haven't seen on-screen without losing the feel of the character. My theory was that an angel confronted with someone in spiritual crisis would be like someone with basic first-aid training finding someone with a major injury: you can't walk away, but you might not have the ability to save them.

Incidentally, it was incredibly difficult to get Castiel's speech patterns down in writing. You can't use as many pauses as are in his spoken dialogue because so many ellipses drive the reader crazy, and while some people write him with a pretty robotic style, he does use contractions, just not as many as other people. So I had to watch his scenes over and over and over, and--argh. Supernatural finally puts on a really hot guy old enough for me to lust after without feeling like a dirty old lady, and he's an angel. Wincest I can deal with, but angels? Too much for me.

But that's just rambling.

Technicalities aside, this is really thought-provoking stuff, and marvelous use of Scripture! Thank you for this!
That's really what I wanted to stand out in the fic, and so I very much appreciate you taking the time to let me know.

[erinrua]

The problem arises because, for various reasons, I never use Dean's name when writing from inside his head--he's always 'he' unless someone else is referring to or addressing him. The potential obscurity is manageable when the fic just has Sam and Dean, but it was far more difficult with three or four male characters on stage. Believe it or not, I checked every single pronoun in the story with an eye toward that, but if you had to read sentences two or three times, something wasn't working.

Oh, I understand! :-) I think it's just that, as a reader, it's clear we're seeing from Dean's POV, but since it's not 1st person, we lose track of which "he" we're talking about, when we're looking at two or three people. Anyhow, I think this is the first time I've ever noticed this when reading your fics, so I'm sure it was simply this story, and perhaps the number of people involved in a given scene. Anyhow, LOL, I apologise if I was nit-picky. ;-) I only pick on stories that I think are so good that a wee flaw is like seeing lint on a diamond - I just wanna dust it off and let the piece shine! Hee!

Sam is the sort of person who would go to reference works when he's trying to sort something out, so Scripture could sort of serve sort of a road map for the exploration.
Oh, I love that idea! Yes, Sam's faith wouldn't be blind, it would be based on what he would perceive as evidence. Sure, it is "faith," but he'd want to see something to base it in, and markers to go by. LOL, I could imagine him and Pastor Jim Murphey having some rather interesting conversations, when Sam got into his teen years. *G*

Thank you again for such a toothsome and thought provoking fic! :-)