(no subject)
Ya, well, i'm kinda sittin here, not knowing whats goin on with my thoughts. I dont like..KNOW whats going on, but then again i do. I cant stand my brother anymore, and to many people are just fuckin a pain in the ass. And none of the songs i listen too,help my mood in any way at all. And its pretty annoying, cuz i never know what to do to make it better at all. my mouse is being a pain in the ass again, and its like totally making me mad. I hate it when i freezes, makes me wanna punch the computer again. You know i came up with this idea a while ago....which goes, one day i think my brother is gonna get really pissed off at me, and hes just, gonna fuckin kill me, i mean, he almost did 3 times,..I live in an abusive life....and actually comin to think of it...what happened about a year and a half ago..is comin back now. Like, for years staright my brother would fuckin beat me and all, and like, the cops called called every week cuz of him fuckin hittin me so much and shit like that, i had so muny bumps and bruises, it wasnt even funny, i mean, he through this frickin hard big book at my head, like...a year or to ago, and the corner of it got me right in the back of the head. And gah, hes done so much it aint even funny, like last nite i was thinking about this one day at my old house about 4, 5 years ago, i me and my brother were watchin "Fantasia 2000" and my parents werent home or nething, and outta no where, he would hit me, and i would move and he would keep doing it, and then he would kick me, and he was just sitting there, hitting me really hard, and i at one point got up and went in layed in my bed, and he followed me, and he..just..started hitting me again. He almost drowned me like 4 times now..and i dont know what else. But i could for real go on for hours...then i had really bad experiences with my dad, and now my sister...were gonna get into a real fight here soon...and i have NO idea who could win, cuz i know all of her weak spots and ya, she cheats and puts in headlocks. So yea. And now lately my brother has been actin like a fucking dick head now, and all over dumb shit....he IS a dumbshit what am i talkin about. heey, he just hit me in the arm...fuck nit he is, fuck nut he will be....WOOOO i got the phone finally!! Yey!...Jeremys had it the whole time ok, lemme lone.
I member there used to be times, where i thought i was gonna die...kinda alot of times actually, but thats not the point, i am TELLIN you, my own brother will kill me...Ya i wish....seriously, end my life now, and we will be ALL good. NO more worries, no more pains. It will all be over...ya i'm doin this talk thinkg again...but it aint MY fault, ok, my dad side of the family has anger issues, and all that grand ol' shit, and i have every bit of the LuGrain trait. I mean, i dont know if this whole depression and mood swing go under that, but its all in me. Angel one moment, and evil lil bitch the next. I just wish what i want in life would happen. I mean some of it is goin great and all, but yet, alot of things still are not the way they should. like, for example. i am no longer allowed around my sister. That was declared yesterday finally. When we are together, fights break out EVERY SINGLE TIME NOW. Its all her fuckin fault too. But, i just want a normal life, with a normal family, but everything is opposite for me, i have none of it...my family is just a punch of fuckin crack heads. I'm the only one closest to normal, not saying that i AM, just closer than the rest. I wanna leave my house for ever. Or atleast just for a while, and go stay with someone else, that would be the shit right there dude. i would totally love that!! But, there is no one i could like..go with...and the dogs are barking..stupid lil fucks, they annoy me. They can all go jump off a cliff with Jake and Tiffany. I dont care. There are no more than 10 people i love in this world.....maybe 5 i can rely on, 3 i cant trust with all my heart. My head hurts now, and i have that like..weird feeling again, like you get really hot, then really cold...I only have that, when i am sad, sick, or pissed. apparently it feels like all 3 right now. ok, i dont wanna type ne more, cuz ya, my head hurts, and i dont feel like it, so laterz.
I member there used to be times, where i thought i was gonna die...kinda alot of times actually, but thats not the point, i am TELLIN you, my own brother will kill me...Ya i wish....seriously, end my life now, and we will be ALL good. NO more worries, no more pains. It will all be over...ya i'm doin this talk thinkg again...but it aint MY fault, ok, my dad side of the family has anger issues, and all that grand ol' shit, and i have every bit of the LuGrain trait. I mean, i dont know if this whole depression and mood swing go under that, but its all in me. Angel one moment, and evil lil bitch the next. I just wish what i want in life would happen. I mean some of it is goin great and all, but yet, alot of things still are not the way they should. like, for example. i am no longer allowed around my sister. That was declared yesterday finally. When we are together, fights break out EVERY SINGLE TIME NOW. Its all her fuckin fault too. But, i just want a normal life, with a normal family, but everything is opposite for me, i have none of it...my family is just a punch of fuckin crack heads. I'm the only one closest to normal, not saying that i AM, just closer than the rest. I wanna leave my house for ever. Or atleast just for a while, and go stay with someone else, that would be the shit right there dude. i would totally love that!! But, there is no one i could like..go with...and the dogs are barking..stupid lil fucks, they annoy me. They can all go jump off a cliff with Jake and Tiffany. I dont care. There are no more than 10 people i love in this world.....maybe 5 i can rely on, 3 i cant trust with all my heart. My head hurts now, and i have that like..weird feeling again, like you get really hot, then really cold...I only have that, when i am sad, sick, or pissed. apparently it feels like all 3 right now. ok, i dont wanna type ne more, cuz ya, my head hurts, and i dont feel like it, so laterz.