(no subject)

[blueimber]

because life cannot afford me an easy path to anything
because i must learn patience and faith
because i have to have those things for and in myself-
to trust that there will be something that clicks.

because i feel so broken.
and alone;
and so worthless
because at the end of it
when it all breaks down
it is in this way
i end.

i want to dig my heels in and swear off my age
i am not ready to face 31
i had not planned for any of this
and my life has just crumbled in my hands
despite how much hard work i have put in to being where i am
and in attempting to make just one of my dreams come true.
none of it has distinguished me in any ways.
i don't want to face any of it and any of the uncertainty my life now has-
and i am so tired of fighting to find that security