5. Complimentary Insults
Walking around the empty lake bed with my friend again today and she told me about something unpleasant that happened to her this weekend.
She was walking her dogs and a woman walked over to them and proceeded to praise the canines for the general adorableness. And, truth be told, these are a pair of very cute pups.
They proceeded to have a pleasant friendly conversation about the dogs. But then, as the woman was walking away she said "No kids, huh?"
And my friend felt a bit like she had been punched in the stomach. And she wondered why. It's true that she doesn't have kids. Doesn't even want kids. So, she asked me, why did this woman's parting shot hit her like this.
After giving it some thought, I think it is a page out of the pickup artist's handbook -- the complimentary insult or "neg". You draw your object in with a compliment (You are so brave...) and then hit them with the insult (...to wear jeans like that with your figure).
The first part of the statement creates a sense of friendly camaraderie while the second knocks the object off balance.
The whole idea from the pickup artist people is that a woman who is "negged" will then subconsciously feel the need to seek the approval of the person who circuitously insulted her.
Think it was the same thing with the woman who talked to my friend about her dogs. Not that she was trying to pick up my friend, but she wanted her know know that she was being judged. The dogs might be cute, but their very cuteness was held up as evidence of something lacking in my friend.
People can be cruel.
She was walking her dogs and a woman walked over to them and proceeded to praise the canines for the general adorableness. And, truth be told, these are a pair of very cute pups.
They proceeded to have a pleasant friendly conversation about the dogs. But then, as the woman was walking away she said "No kids, huh?"
And my friend felt a bit like she had been punched in the stomach. And she wondered why. It's true that she doesn't have kids. Doesn't even want kids. So, she asked me, why did this woman's parting shot hit her like this.
After giving it some thought, I think it is a page out of the pickup artist's handbook -- the complimentary insult or "neg". You draw your object in with a compliment (You are so brave...) and then hit them with the insult (...to wear jeans like that with your figure).
The first part of the statement creates a sense of friendly camaraderie while the second knocks the object off balance.
The whole idea from the pickup artist people is that a woman who is "negged" will then subconsciously feel the need to seek the approval of the person who circuitously insulted her.
Think it was the same thing with the woman who talked to my friend about her dogs. Not that she was trying to pick up my friend, but she wanted her know know that she was being judged. The dogs might be cute, but their very cuteness was held up as evidence of something lacking in my friend.
People can be cruel.