it's been one month....really?

[bluegummybear05]

hey you guys. today's been one empty month since david died. i saw Jay and Kristin in church today(kim, u know them) and jay hugged me and asked how i was holding up. i aallllmost started crying, but i didn't. he told me he was praying for me, so that made me feel better. i miss him so much tho. every little kid reminds me of him, but i want to be with them all the time. i came over to my aunt erin's house on friday, and i watched austin for a while, and we wrestled and had fun. that made me feel good. and yesterday, my dad and uncle eddie moved this armoire into the truck(it was at my aunt erin's) and i watched alex and austin for a while. and i had fun. yeah, i felt like a teen mother holding two little kids hands, but it made me feel good. it doesn't hurt me to see little kids. it did a while ago, but now, i'm even more eager to see other little kids. i don't really know why, but i am. i'm babysitting jaden again on friday. and i'm gonna enjoy it! is that wrong? if it is, then why, and can i keep doing it? ............... iono... well, this looks like a long enough entry, so laterz!!
xoxo