Zombie corpse gopphers and deer prostitutes.
Over the past 3 days I have personally witnessed the following wonders in this wacky frigging world.
1- Our car vomiting volumes of white smoke and a smell like a burning match as she crawled us home. We fear starting her to confirm if she is dead but we thing she is gone. Poor Goldie.
2-After renting a car to do much needed errands we ended up driving up to Barryville NY so I could take Charlie this place I had always wanted to take him, the Hawks Nest Cafe. * note- yes I know this is crazy but sometimes you just have to escape from your real life, even for an afternoon* It's a cute little place perched into the side of a cliff over the Delaware river on Hawks Nest Road..it is a road that is famous for being very winding with a gorgeous view.anyhoo, I had talked about this place since we were dating and I always promised to take him there.We drove over Hawks nest..but no restaurant.. It burned down in 2002. I stood near the sign and all the fences blocking off the remains of the walkway, I cried.
3- The 148 Annual Fire Inspection Parade in Port Jervis NY. The whole freaking town comes out onto main street and watches the fire department parade the fire trucks down the road. I have never seen such an amazing sense of community. Everyone was bbqing in their front yards and having parties. Kinda surreal and a tad creepy, Reminded me of a David Lynch movie at times.
4- A HUGE family reunion at some park with the cleanest bathrooms I have ever seen in a public place. I am a public bathroom phobic . All these strange asses spreading their sea monkey germs on the toilet seat give me the willies. And NO, a piece of fucking toilet paper or one of those wax paper ass covers are no match for the perverse power of a strangers butt germs.
While in said clean bathroom an older woman (est mid 60's)walked in on me while I was having a widdle and after I made it clear the stall was occupied she just stood there and began complimenting my tattoos...while I was peeing!
5- Music festival in Matamoras (sp?) PA. Bands plating on porches, a bunch of dudes in tie dyes playing some vaguely hippie-ish music, tons of people, dogs, bands, for some odd reason an extraordinarily large number of hot dog carts. Stopped at a light we rolled down the windows to listen to a band playing in front of a really beautiful church. I knew it was going to be "Christian" rock. Charlie heard the guy sing something about ascending and rolled up the windows. Charlie was a victim of Christian school and I will leave it at that. I mean, c'mon! they were playing in front of a church... it's not like they are gonna let some band just chock full of Satan rock out right in the big J.C's front yard. This spawned a lengthy conversation about possible "band" names that would NOT get booked . Satan's Jockstrap and Double Barrel Vagina were two of my suggestions.
6- and the best, but not the last thing we saw. Driving home we were behind a car with a wide rainbow,magnetic bumper sticker that advertised a Feminine finishing school who's name I won't reveal so as not to be a completely rude ass. I was trying to figure out if it was a Gay/Lesbian thing because it was rainbow..yeah I know rainbows don't make you gay, butt sex does...anyhoo! The website had me confused.."x dress..why that?" then Charlie goes "Uhh honey, cross-dress." Ohhh! the light bulb came on. They are in front of us at a light and Charlie starts " You know you wanna run out of the car and snatch that magnetic bumper sticker..you're faster that you think..plus they can't catch you because they are probably wearing heels." I was in tears I was laughing so hard.
We then became obsessed with seeing if the people in the car were in drag. NOT TO MAKE FUN OF THEM...just curious. We drove up along side of the Dodge with the big (it was almost 3 feet long) bumper sticker and inside were 3 "ladies" The one in the drivers seat looked just like my 8th grade science teacher, Mr. Matley..only in a long curly brown wig and a powder blue twin set. At College ave we were next to each other at the light. I turned, our eyes met, she looked away very fast but I rolled down the window and said " I love your bumper sticker", gave em a big smile and a thumbs up, they all smiled and waved back We went separate ways.I couldn't help it I started laughing. Just at the insanity of the situation.
I could go on to tell you about the zombie corpse gophers, seeing a kid pee in a cooler at Target, the prostitute deer on Black-Wells Road and just how many people do their laundry at midnight on a Sunday..but it is 3am..OK, cliff notes version. The library where Charlie works has a very old cemetery behind it, it is infested with gophers who waddle around the cemetery and have tunneled through all the burial plots.They creep me out , I nicknamed them Zombie Corpse Gophers ,a little girl lifted the lid on a red Igloo cooler at the Target and proceeded to pee in it. Needless to say we DID NOT buy that one *shudder*.
The deer in question were seen when we were taking our last drive in the rental to use up the gas because we ain't giving those fuckers a drop of free gas! Going down Blackwells road it is very dark, we come up on a street light and underneath, on the side of the road is a female deer having a midnight snack. 100 or so feet later..another light, another deer. Charlie pipes up "Why do you thing those deer are standing under the lights? *pause* Oh I know, they're hookers!" WHAT! I spluttered my big gulp all over my shirt," Deer hookers, like Bambi comes along going "bitch best have my money!" kinda prostitutes?! *insert laughing like loons* We turn around at the park and head back the same way. Approaching the street light we slow down,. I roll down the window and say " Hey baby, how much?" But the deer was not at all interested. I told it about all the adult and baby deer we saw in NY and PA when we got lost but the grass was much more exciting. Back home Charlie says" I bet they learned if they stand in the light people can see them and they don't get hit." I married a smart one ;)..deer prostitutes! And a whole fucking lot of people do their laundry at midnight on a Sunday in New Brunswick, most find me fascinating and want to tell me, in Spanish, how much they like my tattoos..or they are rude and just stare with their mouths open until I look em right in the eye and go "Hi!". Most gawkers fear direct confrontation with their victims of eyeball fornication and once confronted they go back to watching their laundry spin.
Right now I am so tired that I am too tired to sleep. I am excited like a little kid at Christmas about going to DEXCON next week. I have never been to a gaming convention. My agoraphobia be damned! I have much to do tomorrow so I have to go sleep.I must dye my hair because my roots are frightening people. Nighty night. *reposted to myspace blog* so don't bother reading that one, it's the same stupid brain leavings of a spastic weirdo with nothing better to do but tell people what I do with my strange days.
1- Our car vomiting volumes of white smoke and a smell like a burning match as she crawled us home. We fear starting her to confirm if she is dead but we thing she is gone. Poor Goldie.
2-After renting a car to do much needed errands we ended up driving up to Barryville NY so I could take Charlie this place I had always wanted to take him, the Hawks Nest Cafe. * note- yes I know this is crazy but sometimes you just have to escape from your real life, even for an afternoon* It's a cute little place perched into the side of a cliff over the Delaware river on Hawks Nest Road..it is a road that is famous for being very winding with a gorgeous view.anyhoo, I had talked about this place since we were dating and I always promised to take him there.We drove over Hawks nest..but no restaurant.. It burned down in 2002. I stood near the sign and all the fences blocking off the remains of the walkway, I cried.
3- The 148 Annual Fire Inspection Parade in Port Jervis NY. The whole freaking town comes out onto main street and watches the fire department parade the fire trucks down the road. I have never seen such an amazing sense of community. Everyone was bbqing in their front yards and having parties. Kinda surreal and a tad creepy, Reminded me of a David Lynch movie at times.
4- A HUGE family reunion at some park with the cleanest bathrooms I have ever seen in a public place. I am a public bathroom phobic . All these strange asses spreading their sea monkey germs on the toilet seat give me the willies. And NO, a piece of fucking toilet paper or one of those wax paper ass covers are no match for the perverse power of a strangers butt germs.
While in said clean bathroom an older woman (est mid 60's)walked in on me while I was having a widdle and after I made it clear the stall was occupied she just stood there and began complimenting my tattoos...while I was peeing!
5- Music festival in Matamoras (sp?) PA. Bands plating on porches, a bunch of dudes in tie dyes playing some vaguely hippie-ish music, tons of people, dogs, bands, for some odd reason an extraordinarily large number of hot dog carts. Stopped at a light we rolled down the windows to listen to a band playing in front of a really beautiful church. I knew it was going to be "Christian" rock. Charlie heard the guy sing something about ascending and rolled up the windows. Charlie was a victim of Christian school and I will leave it at that. I mean, c'mon! they were playing in front of a church... it's not like they are gonna let some band just chock full of Satan rock out right in the big J.C's front yard. This spawned a lengthy conversation about possible "band" names that would NOT get booked . Satan's Jockstrap and Double Barrel Vagina were two of my suggestions.
6- and the best, but not the last thing we saw. Driving home we were behind a car with a wide rainbow,magnetic bumper sticker that advertised a Feminine finishing school who's name I won't reveal so as not to be a completely rude ass. I was trying to figure out if it was a Gay/Lesbian thing because it was rainbow..yeah I know rainbows don't make you gay, butt sex does...anyhoo! The website had me confused.."x dress..why that?" then Charlie goes "Uhh honey, cross-dress." Ohhh! the light bulb came on. They are in front of us at a light and Charlie starts " You know you wanna run out of the car and snatch that magnetic bumper sticker..you're faster that you think..plus they can't catch you because they are probably wearing heels." I was in tears I was laughing so hard.
We then became obsessed with seeing if the people in the car were in drag. NOT TO MAKE FUN OF THEM...just curious. We drove up along side of the Dodge with the big (it was almost 3 feet long) bumper sticker and inside were 3 "ladies" The one in the drivers seat looked just like my 8th grade science teacher, Mr. Matley..only in a long curly brown wig and a powder blue twin set. At College ave we were next to each other at the light. I turned, our eyes met, she looked away very fast but I rolled down the window and said " I love your bumper sticker", gave em a big smile and a thumbs up, they all smiled and waved back We went separate ways.I couldn't help it I started laughing. Just at the insanity of the situation.
I could go on to tell you about the zombie corpse gophers, seeing a kid pee in a cooler at Target, the prostitute deer on Black-Wells Road and just how many people do their laundry at midnight on a Sunday..but it is 3am..OK, cliff notes version. The library where Charlie works has a very old cemetery behind it, it is infested with gophers who waddle around the cemetery and have tunneled through all the burial plots.They creep me out , I nicknamed them Zombie Corpse Gophers ,a little girl lifted the lid on a red Igloo cooler at the Target and proceeded to pee in it. Needless to say we DID NOT buy that one *shudder*.
The deer in question were seen when we were taking our last drive in the rental to use up the gas because we ain't giving those fuckers a drop of free gas! Going down Blackwells road it is very dark, we come up on a street light and underneath, on the side of the road is a female deer having a midnight snack. 100 or so feet later..another light, another deer. Charlie pipes up "Why do you thing those deer are standing under the lights? *pause* Oh I know, they're hookers!" WHAT! I spluttered my big gulp all over my shirt," Deer hookers, like Bambi comes along going "bitch best have my money!" kinda prostitutes?! *insert laughing like loons* We turn around at the park and head back the same way. Approaching the street light we slow down,. I roll down the window and say " Hey baby, how much?" But the deer was not at all interested. I told it about all the adult and baby deer we saw in NY and PA when we got lost but the grass was much more exciting. Back home Charlie says" I bet they learned if they stand in the light people can see them and they don't get hit." I married a smart one ;)..deer prostitutes! And a whole fucking lot of people do their laundry at midnight on a Sunday in New Brunswick, most find me fascinating and want to tell me, in Spanish, how much they like my tattoos..or they are rude and just stare with their mouths open until I look em right in the eye and go "Hi!". Most gawkers fear direct confrontation with their victims of eyeball fornication and once confronted they go back to watching their laundry spin.
Right now I am so tired that I am too tired to sleep. I am excited like a little kid at Christmas about going to DEXCON next week. I have never been to a gaming convention. My agoraphobia be damned! I have much to do tomorrow so I have to go sleep.I must dye my hair because my roots are frightening people. Nighty night. *reposted to myspace blog* so don't bother reading that one, it's the same stupid brain leavings of a spastic weirdo with nothing better to do but tell people what I do with my strange days.