Things I Learned from "The L Word"
*spoiler alert!*
-Virtually all lesbians in LA are conventionally attractive; that's because if you're too heavy, old or dykey, you have to live outside the city limits
-If you *are* dykey, you're that really cute kind of dykey
-The right lesbian can make almost ANY woman go gay (see: the right kind of dyke, above)
-Fem lesbians wear high heels, butch lesbians have short hair, and it's always one or the other, duh!
-LA is a magical place where homophobia is virtually nonexistent
-In the event that there is homophobia--say at your young ward's school--it's nothing a field trip to your skateboard shop can't solve
-Lesbians fucking love coffee, especially at hip coffee shops where they can all gather and gossip before work (and that's totally possible because lesbians don't have strict work hours and are exempt from LA traffic)
-Even if you are a horrible, manipulative, vain, shallow, usurious, evil bitch, your friends will pretty much stick by you... until they kill you
-Certain anti-depressants have the side effect of Tourettes
-You can totally score Testosterone on the street
-Secretly videotaping your roommates private conversations and sex lives will not result in much besides a little crying, yelling, and the silent treatment, so long as you say the lesbian world changed your life (although you will disappear between season 2 and 3 with no explanation)
-Kidnapping your child will not, in the long run, harm your personal or professional life in any way; in fact, your ex-partner will fall in love with you again because you are just that hot
-Learning sign language is greatly expedited if you're Type A and in love
-It's easy to make friends with rich people! Also: they will make your dreams come true!
-It's also really easy to write and sell a screenplay that will be turned into a movie that you direct! Rich people are the best...
-Actors and actresses must be closeted unless you're Neil Patrick Harrison, and you're not
-The Army Reserve has a secret coven of helicopter flying lesbians... shhhhh!
-The only class issues you'll really run into in LA are strong prejudices against carpenters and plumbers and, occasionally, hairdressers
-With a little training in super cute shorts, anyone can ride 200 miles on a bike in the Pacific NW
-Virtually all lesbians in LA are conventionally attractive; that's because if you're too heavy, old or dykey, you have to live outside the city limits
-If you *are* dykey, you're that really cute kind of dykey
-The right lesbian can make almost ANY woman go gay (see: the right kind of dyke, above)
-Fem lesbians wear high heels, butch lesbians have short hair, and it's always one or the other, duh!
-LA is a magical place where homophobia is virtually nonexistent
-In the event that there is homophobia--say at your young ward's school--it's nothing a field trip to your skateboard shop can't solve
-Lesbians fucking love coffee, especially at hip coffee shops where they can all gather and gossip before work (and that's totally possible because lesbians don't have strict work hours and are exempt from LA traffic)
-Even if you are a horrible, manipulative, vain, shallow, usurious, evil bitch, your friends will pretty much stick by you... until they kill you
-Certain anti-depressants have the side effect of Tourettes
-You can totally score Testosterone on the street
-Secretly videotaping your roommates private conversations and sex lives will not result in much besides a little crying, yelling, and the silent treatment, so long as you say the lesbian world changed your life (although you will disappear between season 2 and 3 with no explanation)
-Kidnapping your child will not, in the long run, harm your personal or professional life in any way; in fact, your ex-partner will fall in love with you again because you are just that hot
-Learning sign language is greatly expedited if you're Type A and in love
-It's easy to make friends with rich people! Also: they will make your dreams come true!
-It's also really easy to write and sell a screenplay that will be turned into a movie that you direct! Rich people are the best...
-Actors and actresses must be closeted unless you're Neil Patrick Harrison, and you're not
-The Army Reserve has a secret coven of helicopter flying lesbians... shhhhh!
-The only class issues you'll really run into in LA are strong prejudices against carpenters and plumbers and, occasionally, hairdressers
-With a little training in super cute shorts, anyone can ride 200 miles on a bike in the Pacific NW