knowing is half the battle?
After Tuesday's session with my therapist, I received some much appreciated clarification to my sister's heartbreaking behavior over Thanksgiving (detailed in this post). It's simple, really--she was needling, then punishing and attacking me for my decision to not see my father. My sister and father are very close, and for me to say that he sexually abused us makes me the villain and him worthy of protection in her mind.
Knowing this really makes everything all the more reconcilable for me. Truly, I don't envy her position--it's not as if we had two different fathers. For many, many years I denied the abuse by telling myself it wasn't that bad; I wasn't raped, thus I had no right to my feelings since so many others had experienced so much worse. She's not ready to accept the truth and she may never. For now, I must do what is right and what is healthiest for me, which is a very lonely place, but not one I would ever trade for the self-flagellation of my former days.
I considered locking this entry "friends only," but decided against it. I'm not keeping anyone's dirty secret. Perhaps if others (and I hold several shining examples in my heart) unshackle themselves from the silence and shame surrounding their abuse and place the blame on their abuser society can take one giant step forward and correct this horrible wrong that eats at our sense of self like a cancer. Dignity is earned, not assumed for lack of tribulation.
Knowing this really makes everything all the more reconcilable for me. Truly, I don't envy her position--it's not as if we had two different fathers. For many, many years I denied the abuse by telling myself it wasn't that bad; I wasn't raped, thus I had no right to my feelings since so many others had experienced so much worse. She's not ready to accept the truth and she may never. For now, I must do what is right and what is healthiest for me, which is a very lonely place, but not one I would ever trade for the self-flagellation of my former days.
I considered locking this entry "friends only," but decided against it. I'm not keeping anyone's dirty secret. Perhaps if others (and I hold several shining examples in my heart) unshackle themselves from the silence and shame surrounding their abuse and place the blame on their abuser society can take one giant step forward and correct this horrible wrong that eats at our sense of self like a cancer. Dignity is earned, not assumed for lack of tribulation.