probably over
Well... it didn't take long for S and I to sabotage whatever it was that we had. What a radiant fall from grace. For now, I'll sum it up with:
(His) Warning Signs
-petty
-unforgiving (eg holds grudges like a mf)
-passive aggressive
-moody
-most likely a binge drinker
-vain/clotheshorse (to the point where he'd criticize the fit of MY clothes)
-ignorer of important facts
(My) Warning Signs (I can only assume)
-critical
-demanding
-less that perfection
-socially awkward at times
-omg the pretty girl has an opinion! run!!!
The Major Battle
-I gave him a hard time for being late... admittedly, it was the third time in a row. HOWEVER, it was when he was meeting all of my friends for the first time; bad for him, bad for me that I said anything at the time. He never forgave me for that, despite repeated apologies (I wasn't really living in the moment and being happy with the time I had, now was I), FLOWERS, and a week's time. Mind you, this event occurred two days after becoming "official." Not a good sign, on either end.
The Deathblow
-He essentially abandoned me at a crowded art opening because of/as a result of my claustrophobia/agoraphobia. He was there, he just had better wine to drink *ahem, I mean things to do* than bother himself with my little problems. Not understanding a phobia (especially this kind) is forgivable. Making it about him is... probably not.
Now What
-The day after, or this past Thursday, I came to the staggering conclusion that he was mad at ME. Fuck that shit. So I told him I didn't want to see him until after he came back from tour in China (c. early December). To his credit, he did apologize for making me feel worse, disrespecting me, and basically acting like I was a stranger to him, but only after I clued him into these news briefs. But I need time, and I'm glad I set up that deadline, because I am prone to rash decisions (thus I could just as easily write him off forever as go back, heart on my sleeve).
-Today I wrote a letter of apology to his friend/the host of the opening (it was in his home) explaining that I'm not a five-headed, anti-social freak, just someone with a very real phobia who is desperately trying to work it out. (Did I mention I have drugs and a shrink now? yeah.) I wasn't ok with that guy feeling insulted. I copied S, not that I expect him to respond. He's already adjusted his Facebook relationship status *laughing hysterically* and filtered what I could see on his profile *ouch*. He's probably reformulated this situation as entirely my fault, thus taking the rejection as something that was really his idea. It must be a sunny day in his head if he can remove that icky feeling of being an asshole so easily from his mind. But I'm assuming, and that ain't cool. So I'll...
-Suck it up, continue with therapy, and not date someone lacking their empathy chip--or who's empathy chip is clearly surpassed by the ME ME ME ME ME automatic override.
*takes bow*
Good night, New York! Good night, Alabama! Thank you for joining me!
And on a lighter note, tomorrow I will tell you all about New Orleans, Rage, and The Moshing Banana.
(His) Warning Signs
-petty
-unforgiving (eg holds grudges like a mf)
-passive aggressive
-moody
-most likely a binge drinker
-vain/clotheshorse (to the point where he'd criticize the fit of MY clothes)
-ignorer of important facts
(My) Warning Signs (I can only assume)
-critical
-demanding
-less that perfection
-socially awkward at times
-omg the pretty girl has an opinion! run!!!
The Major Battle
-I gave him a hard time for being late... admittedly, it was the third time in a row. HOWEVER, it was when he was meeting all of my friends for the first time; bad for him, bad for me that I said anything at the time. He never forgave me for that, despite repeated apologies (I wasn't really living in the moment and being happy with the time I had, now was I), FLOWERS, and a week's time. Mind you, this event occurred two days after becoming "official." Not a good sign, on either end.
The Deathblow
-He essentially abandoned me at a crowded art opening because of/as a result of my claustrophobia/agoraphobia. He was there, he just had better wine to drink *ahem, I mean things to do* than bother himself with my little problems. Not understanding a phobia (especially this kind) is forgivable. Making it about him is... probably not.
Now What
-The day after, or this past Thursday, I came to the staggering conclusion that he was mad at ME. Fuck that shit. So I told him I didn't want to see him until after he came back from tour in China (c. early December). To his credit, he did apologize for making me feel worse, disrespecting me, and basically acting like I was a stranger to him, but only after I clued him into these news briefs. But I need time, and I'm glad I set up that deadline, because I am prone to rash decisions (thus I could just as easily write him off forever as go back, heart on my sleeve).
-Today I wrote a letter of apology to his friend/the host of the opening (it was in his home) explaining that I'm not a five-headed, anti-social freak, just someone with a very real phobia who is desperately trying to work it out. (Did I mention I have drugs and a shrink now? yeah.) I wasn't ok with that guy feeling insulted. I copied S, not that I expect him to respond. He's already adjusted his Facebook relationship status *laughing hysterically* and filtered what I could see on his profile *ouch*. He's probably reformulated this situation as entirely my fault, thus taking the rejection as something that was really his idea. It must be a sunny day in his head if he can remove that icky feeling of being an asshole so easily from his mind. But I'm assuming, and that ain't cool. So I'll...
-Suck it up, continue with therapy, and not date someone lacking their empathy chip--or who's empathy chip is clearly surpassed by the ME ME ME ME ME automatic override.
*takes bow*
Good night, New York! Good night, Alabama! Thank you for joining me!
And on a lighter note, tomorrow I will tell you all about New Orleans, Rage, and The Moshing Banana.