saying it, writing it
I've told several people via email, phone, or in person--but I'm just now breaking the lj threshold...
PM and I broke up.
Of all the break ups, this one has got to go down as the most amicable, mutual, and non-contentious break up ever. I told him, tearfully, last Saturday that it was time for me to move on and he replied that he felt exactly the same way. In fact, he was going to tell me the same day. (I do believe this, btw.) We hadn't been on the same page in a while, and it was bittersweet that we agreed so completely on this point. It's not that our personalities were colliding either, it's that we didn't DO anything together any longer. He went to crowded warehouse parties and welded late into the night. I trained for a race, went to art openings, and schemed my belly dancing revival. Not a ton in common there.
I've run the gamut of emotions: euphoria (so glad that I wasn't hurting him), relief, denial, despair, nostalgia, sorrow, resentment, anger, numbness... It's a fun ride, let me tell you. But still, it was the right decision. The history, laughter and good times are killing me, to be sure--we really hated all of the same things (awwww). However, love for one another and hate for the rest of humanity just might not be enough. It wasn't in this instance. I want a team--a real partnership. Instead, I felt single and somewhat abandoned.
In case you're wondering about the living situation, I'm moving since the apt. is in PM's name. I was told yesterday that I was approved for a really huge 2-room studio (I can't explain) in a pre-war, rent stabilized building in South Prospect Park. So back to the park I go... It'll be nice to run around the lake, then trot back to my apt. for a shower. What's beyond nice is securing a place ALL BY MYSELF. No co-signer. No roommate. No significant other. This kind of independence is so important to me right now. This city has a way of forcing your hand--or keeping people in a relationship that isn't really there for the sake of economics--and I'm glad to loosen that grip.
I could go on, but why? It's over. We'll be friends and remain important to each other. It's really ok.
PM and I broke up.
Of all the break ups, this one has got to go down as the most amicable, mutual, and non-contentious break up ever. I told him, tearfully, last Saturday that it was time for me to move on and he replied that he felt exactly the same way. In fact, he was going to tell me the same day. (I do believe this, btw.) We hadn't been on the same page in a while, and it was bittersweet that we agreed so completely on this point. It's not that our personalities were colliding either, it's that we didn't DO anything together any longer. He went to crowded warehouse parties and welded late into the night. I trained for a race, went to art openings, and schemed my belly dancing revival. Not a ton in common there.
I've run the gamut of emotions: euphoria (so glad that I wasn't hurting him), relief, denial, despair, nostalgia, sorrow, resentment, anger, numbness... It's a fun ride, let me tell you. But still, it was the right decision. The history, laughter and good times are killing me, to be sure--we really hated all of the same things (awwww). However, love for one another and hate for the rest of humanity just might not be enough. It wasn't in this instance. I want a team--a real partnership. Instead, I felt single and somewhat abandoned.
In case you're wondering about the living situation, I'm moving since the apt. is in PM's name. I was told yesterday that I was approved for a really huge 2-room studio (I can't explain) in a pre-war, rent stabilized building in South Prospect Park. So back to the park I go... It'll be nice to run around the lake, then trot back to my apt. for a shower. What's beyond nice is securing a place ALL BY MYSELF. No co-signer. No roommate. No significant other. This kind of independence is so important to me right now. This city has a way of forcing your hand--or keeping people in a relationship that isn't really there for the sake of economics--and I'm glad to loosen that grip.
I could go on, but why? It's over. We'll be friends and remain important to each other. It's really ok.