(no subject)
so many fucking stupid things have been going on lately. i'm kind of dating someone, which isnt stupid, but the situtation im finding myself in is. jason is coming home on sunday. just thinking about that makes me want to cry. i dont know if i can handle being around him again. not after all the shit hes pulled. not after all the broken promises. im sure there will be a chorus line of girls thru his apartment once hes back. i know im not the only one he wants to "spend time with" and catch up...whatever the fuck that translates to is beyond me. hes so- manipulative. i think i spelled that right. and i dont have the heart to fight back, i dont have what it takes to deny him when he says he wants to see me. for so long now ive been telling myself and everyone else that i dont miss him. i dont care if he doesnt come back. but i do. ive missed him terribly. i took down all his pictures and packed up all his letters...but i still pull them out to read or to look at. i want to scream, so fucking bad. scream and go to sleep. that usually makes it better. maybe not for the long run, but at least for right now