(no subject)
2005 already, shit. My new years sucked, but i got to see my drew dog and that was cool. After freaking out that my dad is hella parinoid about everything i do and everywhere i go. Its best if i dont make any new years resolutions, because i never follow through with them anyway, i dont think anybody really does. And even if i did come up with some they would be violent, but out of humor. But half serious.
damn
I really dont want to go to school tomorrow. I have been enjoying sleeping in well past 10:00 AM. And plus im still hurting, who wants to go back to school when they know it just might make it worse? But than again the babes i have been getting closer to will be there. And i guess thats all i really need right now, a friend.
I have been having these dreams, and sometimes its the same one over and over again, only with different people. In my dream its summer and I am riding my bike down Hostmark full speed down that hill, without stopping for the crosswalk. When i get to the docks, i take off my shoes, socks, shirt, look to my right and i see some kids i would have gone to school with, people i care about, people that have broken my heart, all starring at me, or at least looking in my direction. I let out a tiny grin, waved and whispered "good-bye", and i jumped in. And i didnt come back up. I guess the people who were watching me, after they realized i wasnt going to come up, tried to help me. Trying to make me come back to the surface where there was air, but i enjoyed the freazing water, much the way my heart felt. And the calm feeling that was comming over me. No more worries, no more lies, no more heart aches, no more pain. I didnt like the people helping me, i thought of them as demons pulling me down to hell; rather than angels pulling me up to heaven, or back to the earth. Why help me now? Why help me when its to late and im gone into my never never land? Why couldnt they help me before it lead to this? These questions were comming rapidly when finally i thought of them trying to make me come back to earth so i could suffer more in my depressing game of shame. I remember seeing white, and yellow butterflies, so peaceful. And then it was all ripped away with a loud satanic boom and demonic images.The image was a blank white screen before my eyes and after awhile it was silent, and all the could hear was the flat line from the heart monitor. And the mumors of nurses and docors, "we've lost her" and the screaming of my mother. Thats when the white screen expanded into a classroom, from a a tv screen. And i am holding the remote. "and thats my visual poetic film piece". I got an A.
yeah, thats my dream. I have stuff to do, peace.
damn
I really dont want to go to school tomorrow. I have been enjoying sleeping in well past 10:00 AM. And plus im still hurting, who wants to go back to school when they know it just might make it worse? But than again the babes i have been getting closer to will be there. And i guess thats all i really need right now, a friend.
I have been having these dreams, and sometimes its the same one over and over again, only with different people. In my dream its summer and I am riding my bike down Hostmark full speed down that hill, without stopping for the crosswalk. When i get to the docks, i take off my shoes, socks, shirt, look to my right and i see some kids i would have gone to school with, people i care about, people that have broken my heart, all starring at me, or at least looking in my direction. I let out a tiny grin, waved and whispered "good-bye", and i jumped in. And i didnt come back up. I guess the people who were watching me, after they realized i wasnt going to come up, tried to help me. Trying to make me come back to the surface where there was air, but i enjoyed the freazing water, much the way my heart felt. And the calm feeling that was comming over me. No more worries, no more lies, no more heart aches, no more pain. I didnt like the people helping me, i thought of them as demons pulling me down to hell; rather than angels pulling me up to heaven, or back to the earth. Why help me now? Why help me when its to late and im gone into my never never land? Why couldnt they help me before it lead to this? These questions were comming rapidly when finally i thought of them trying to make me come back to earth so i could suffer more in my depressing game of shame. I remember seeing white, and yellow butterflies, so peaceful. And then it was all ripped away with a loud satanic boom and demonic images.The image was a blank white screen before my eyes and after awhile it was silent, and all the could hear was the flat line from the heart monitor. And the mumors of nurses and docors, "we've lost her" and the screaming of my mother. Thats when the white screen expanded into a classroom, from a a tv screen. And i am holding the remote. "and thats my visual poetic film piece". I got an A.
yeah, thats my dream. I have stuff to do, peace.