she knew...
so basically... i was just sitting there listening to my grandma here in kentucky and she was telling me stories of my mom and i found out some crazy stuff.... she ran away when she was 19 to go and live w/ my dad down in florida... and then she nearly died when she was 20, and my dad dropped out of college so that he could be w/ her and help her through her cancer.... when she was only 20... and the doctor back then told her and the rest of my family that she wasnt going to make past 50.... that the cancer was going to come back and she probably wasnt going to make that second round... she new that she was going to die, she knew when she was going to die... my dad knew that she was going to die... my family knew that she was going to die.. and they didnt tell me... idk what it would've done ... but.. idk... it kinda hurts.. .they ALL knew this...and they didnt have the guts to tell me... im just... kinda sad and hurt.. like.. that must'a been so hard on my mom, she KNEW that she was going to die.... and yet, i never saw her scared or sad or anything... she KNEW, that just boggles my mind, what would i do if i was in that situation... idk.... im so confused.. and like.. they finally told me, an dlike.. now they're giving me stuff, b/ci think that they feel bad for what's happened to me... its not going to make up for the fact that she's gone.... i dont want all this shit that they're giving me... i dont want they're pitty, i dont want them to feel bad for me, i just want my mom back... which is impossible
she KNEW... she knew that she was going to die, and she knew WHEN she was going to die... and yet she was ok w/ it... she was happy... i wish that i could be more like her... i just wanna make her happy... i wanna try and be the perfect daughter that she always wanted me to be...b/c she went through hell and back and put up one hell of a fight just so that she could be there for me
she promised me that she was going to make it too see my wedding and to hold her grandchildren, she promised me.. and like i was so mad at her when she died.. i stood there and yelled at her body for 20 mins, just stood there screaming at her b/c i thought that it was her fault and that she didnt try hard enough... that she just gave up, that she didnt want to live... i was wrong... she tried... she fought.... she loved me more than i can ever imagine... she knew
she KNEW... she knew that she was going to die, and she knew WHEN she was going to die... and yet she was ok w/ it... she was happy... i wish that i could be more like her... i just wanna make her happy... i wanna try and be the perfect daughter that she always wanted me to be...b/c she went through hell and back and put up one hell of a fight just so that she could be there for me
she promised me that she was going to make it too see my wedding and to hold her grandchildren, she promised me.. and like i was so mad at her when she died.. i stood there and yelled at her body for 20 mins, just stood there screaming at her b/c i thought that it was her fault and that she didnt try hard enough... that she just gave up, that she didnt want to live... i was wrong... she tried... she fought.... she loved me more than i can ever imagine... she knew