J2 Fic. Bars At My Window 4/?
Title: Bars At My Window
Author: Blueeyedliz
Summary: Jared Padalecki, guilty of auto theft, is put away in San Quentin. Jensen Ackles takes it upon himself to instruct the younger man in the brutal protocol of San Quentin and the strategies essential for survival. A friendship born of mutual need ends up becoming much more and one thing they’ll come to learn is that prison is no place for a love story.
Rating: NC/17
Warning, A/N & Disclaimer for this part: As Part One. Please be sure to read the warnings carefully before reading. 'Hugs & cookies to the awesome Heatherofnight, Scarlettraven9 and Amtamburo .
Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4
Part Four
Jared remains unconscious for the next twenty-four hours.
He has some cracked ribs and serious bruising to the lower half of his body, some of the bruises are black and down to the bone. He’s been raped but Jensen doesn’t need a medical degree or a frazzled over-worked prison doctor to tell him that. Jensen bristles at the doctor’s words, the mentions of stitches and blood tests which buzz around Jensen’s brain long after the doctor has moved away down the ward to observe his other patients but all the while, Jensen knows he’s more anxious about another type of damage. The type that he can’t see just by looking at Jared’s silent lax face.
Jensen stays by Jared's bedside for as long as he is permitted and only leaves the infirmary when physically forced out by a fervent rookie guard who is tough on rules and disinterested in some low-life con and his mulish attempts to bargain for permission to stay.
Jensen is given a stern warning that if he causes any trouble he'll be banned from visiting the infirmary altogether and so Jensen leaves wordlessly but with anger burning wildfire in his eyes and his hands curling into fists at his sides.
Psycho Jeff is found with his throat slit a few hours after Jared is first whisked away from Jensen on a gurney. Jeff doesn't die, not straight away. With Warden Kripke hovering over his bed, Jeff manages to scrawl on a piece of paper in chicken-scratch letters that it was Jensen's crew who was behind his attack. But he's half-loopy on a high dose of pain meds and he's insentient again before he manages to write down a name.
Later that night, someone steals into the infirmary and injects Draino into the I.V. tube in Jeff's arm. Psycho Jeff doesn't squeal to the warden for a second time, he doesn't live to see morning either. All of Jensen's friends have concrete alibis and the reassuring back-up of other cons willing to vouch for their whereabouts.
A guard is assigned as an investigator for the murder but with no evidence and with plenty of people who have motive for wanting to see the end to that sick son of a bitch, the case has no leads for him to follow.
Tommy doesn’t get fingered for the murder, even though he has blood on his hands. In Tommy's eyes Psycho Jeff deserved to die and Tommy sees the murder as justice, the San Quentin kind which comes fast and brutal and with absolutely no mercy.
-0-
When Jared wakes up the first thing he sees is Jensen splayed out in a chair next to him. Jensen is dozing lightly and has a Styrofoam cup filled with stale coffee held loosely in one hand. Jared's mouth is bone-dry and everything hurts. He's soaring sky high on a mixture of Morphine and Demerol but still feels an indefinable pain, one which slices razor-wire sharp through the cotton wool stuffing in his head.
"J-Jen?" Jared says, one hand grasping at thin air as though reaching out for some contact but without being certain of the right direction.
Jensen wakes almost immediately and leans forward in his chair to rub the pad of his thumb against the cool skin on the back of Jared's hand. "I'm right here."
Jared tries to smile but it's a ghost of the warm dimpled grin Jensen knows and he's asleep again before Jensen can return the gesture. It’s a long time after that before the lines of pain on Jared's face start to smooth out.
-0-
Jensen is alone in Jared's cell when the door creaks open and he looks up to see Jared leaning heavily against the doorjamb. "Christ, man. Why didn't you tell me the Doc was cutting you loose today?" Jensen puts down the photograph of Jared and his dad, which he had been so engrossed in staring at and walks over to stand in front of the younger man.
"I wanted to surprise you."
"Well congratulations, I'm fucking surprised." Jensen huffs, although the sight of Jared finally out of the infirmary with its stark white walls and medicinal stink is just about the best thing he's seen for a long while. "You okay?" Jensen asks, all too aware of the irony dripping from his question. Of course the kid isn't okay.
Jared is shaky, pale and hollow-eyed. It hits Jensen straight away that the spark in Jared’s eyes has seemingly been snuffed out and Jensen stops himself from thinking about it almost as soon as the thought makes itself known in his head.
"Psycho Jeff is dead." Jared says coolly and he either didn't hear Jensen's question or has chosen to ignore it.
"So I'm told. Good riddance…"
"Did you do it?" Jared asks wearing no expression on his face which might betray his emotions.
"No." Jensen answers without hesitation. He puts out a hand so his fingers can brush against Jared's ashen cheek. His fingers move down to grasp Jared’s chin and he lightly kisses Jared’s lips feeling the days of pent-up need, of wanting to be with Jared again, starting to drain out of him. When Jared doesn’t respond to the kiss, Jensen steps back so he can look directly into Jared’s eyes. "I promise you, I didn't kill Jeff. Man, I wanted to but I was with you when it happened."
"So you're saying that someone stole the opportunity from you?"
Jensen swallows, apprehension and the serving of porridge he had for breakfast churning together in his belly. "Maybe. Look I was angry, you should be angry too."
"The man's dead. It seems kinda pointless getting pissed-off with him now." Jared wobbles on his feet and takes hold of the lip on the cast aluminium washbowl next to the toilet.
Jensen promptly moves forward again to wrap Jared in his arms. He repeatedly runs a hand up and down Jared's back and feels the quiver of muscles as they tighten beneath his fingers. "I'm sorry I couldn’t protect you."
"This is prison, Jen. I'm going to be here for a long time, you're not going to be able to watch over me constantly."
"I can damn well try."
"No…No, you can't." As he takes a seat on his cot, Jared winces as though in pain and bites down on his bottom lip.
Jensen pushes gently against Jared's shoulder until Jared is forced to lay flat on his back, brown hair fanned across the pillow. Jared's weak and tired; his eyelids quiver as he fights to stay awake. "I'm not really in the mood." Jared whispers, eyes already closing as Jensen presses soft lips to Jared’s forehead.
"You're real funny, Jare. Sleep, now okay? I'll stay right here." Jensen sits down at the bottom of the bed. He pulls off Jared’s shoes one by one and then takes a socked foot into his lap and rubs at it. He can feel how freezing cold the skin is through the thin cotton and he tries to work some warmth back into the foot. As he works, first massaging one foot and then the other, he listens to Jared's breathing hitch a few times before he settles down into sleep.
Jensen doesn't leave. He watches Jared sleeping even while the hazy orange glow of early afternoon sunlight transforms into long shadowy fingers of night, which creep through the bars at the window and stretch across the confined space of the cell.
He hopes Jared can find some semblance of peace in his dreams but as he knows only too well himself peace is a hard thing to find and dreams fade all too quickly.
-0-
Things soon return to an illusion of normality, although Jared is tense around anyone who isn't Jensen. Even Chad can’t seem to break down the walls which Jared has put up to protect himself, a whole new prison of his own making. He barely spends any time at all out in the exercise yard, preferring instead to hide out in his cell or Jensen's. He refuses outright to go back to night-school. It's a moot point for Jensen but he doesn't have the spirit to fight for it.
Jared is given the option to be moved into protective custody but he instantly balks at the suggestion and Jensen is relieved that Jared still feels safer being close to him.
Their relationship picks up where it left off and whenever they are enjoying soft kisses, both crashed out and lounging in the sticky languid heat which follows great sex, Jensen begins to believe that they're truly going to be okay.
But then Jared gets called to appear before a disciplinary committee-a request which follows in the wake of Psycho Jeff’s unsolved murder (and won’t that fucker ever leave them alone?)-and things seem to take a distinct turn for the worse.
"Those bastards." Jared shouts, stalking into Jensen's cell and ripping up the piece of yellow paper in his hands.
"Wait, what's going on?" Jensen jumps up alarmed, tries to catch the small squares of paper as they flutter to the ground.
"They've put a red mark on my file." Jensen freezes; he knows exactly what that means. "They're going to deny me a chance of parole. Can you believe it? I won’t get to go to back to court for modification because apparently I'm a key fucking member of a dangerous prison gang." Jared paces and scrubs a hand down his face. "You should have seen the warden, man, he was positively beaming. He said he had to consider his responsibility to ensure the protection of society."
"That asshole. What did you say?"
"I told him to go back home to Kansas and fuck his momma some more."
"Jared!" Jensen says sternly, trying to mask the small grin on his face because the kid has got balls the size of grapefruits. If he’s honest with himself, he doesn’t want Jared to get parole; he doesn’t want to lose the one good thing he’s got. But he wants Jared safe and happy more than anything else.
"I was thinking maybe I should move back to sharing a cell with Mike again. Maybe if I keep my nose clean, the warden will change his mind about me." Jared’s words are a frantic stream, like he’s reeling off a grocery list and becoming almost incomprehensible in the process.
"Jare…"
"It'll only be for a little while, Jen. When we're out of here, we'll be together. I'll never leave your side again."
Jensen slams his fist down on the writing desk, knocking down the fragile house of playing cards which had been standing proudly on display. "Jared, I'm not getting out."
And Jared does a double-take which is almost comical and goes deathly silent.
-0-
It’s too hot in the oppressive cellhouse and outside the air is fresh with the mild breeze which rolls in off the San Francisco bay. Jensen walks briskly, following the length of the lower yard with his green eyes fixed on the guard a hundred yards away, who is watching over the prisoners from the gun rail. "When I was nineteen I killed a man."
"You did what?"
"Some drunk dude who was being a smart ass. He got me riled up and I punched him. I hit him once, Jared. I didn't even hit him hard but when he fell his head clipped the edge of the curb. His skull split open like a coconut and he died right there on the sidewalk. I'm in here for life; do you understand what that means? I'm not getting out of this place unless I'm in a pine box. I’ve made my home here because I'm as sure as hell never going to know another one." Jensen stops talking, eyes large, desperate. He snags his fingers in the loose material at the bottom of Jared's t-shirt.
Jared covers his mouth with a shaking hand. He can't have Jensen without San Quentin and San Quentin is killing him inside, worming its way under the fabric of his skin. The rotten core of this prison is going to eat him up until there's nothing left for Jensen to love. "I can't…" Jared pulls himself free of Jensen's hold and sprints away across the yard. It feels like he's choking, like there's no oxygen anywhere. He can't breathe but he can't get away, he's got nowhere to run.
Jensen crumples so that he’s half-kneeling on the ground and buries his head in his hands. There's nowhere for him to go either.
-0-
Part 5. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read the story and to those who’ve left kind comments, your support has blown me away.