stuff
ok hings have been interesing latly. well my mom thinks i am in a depressive slump. i whole heartdly disagree. and she disagrres with me. but the thing is if i was depressed then i wouldnt be sleepin. and that is all i have been doing. let me tell you my sechuldue
15hrs of school a week (if i go to school everyday)
i am only supposed to work about 18 hrs a week at work but i am workin any where from 20-40 hrs a week.
i dance at least 6hrs of class
and atleast 5 hrs of rehersal
then atleast 4hrs of performance
this is all in a week
and i am ONLY 17!!!!!!!!!!
plus extra work on the weekends if i can fit it in (this varies)
let me tell you i am fucking tired. i work most of my moms regular hours now. hence the extra work hrs. and let me tell you i only make 6.50 a hr. and i have a paycheck of over 500 dollars after taxes!!! then latly to get extra cash i am working at santa's in the mall doing the photographs. it pays 10hr. again i state i am only 17. today i did not go to school. i threw up this morning, coughing. i had 2 performances yesterday.. 20 min performance of non-stop dancing in a frosy suit. i am talking the big head and the big furry suit. and we did it twice.. back to back menaing i did not take me head off for the inbetweem b/c there was only 5 mins inbetween....... and i had to work as well...... after it. b/c mom said that she wouldnt work for me b/c she had stuff to do. i came home and noting was done in the house. the entire weekend i worked with santa... nothing got done in the house and she didnt work that weekend. and she thinks i am in a depressive slump??????????????????? i take most of her hrs so she can get things done and nothing gets done. and then i get yelled at because i have been working and neglect my duties at the house..... hmm does this make sence to anyone??????? so i called the dr today. i am going to see if she can give me something. we are all sick at work and i fear it is only going to get worse. and with everything i have been doing my body is not capable of handling me being sick. grrrr....
on another note.
While i was at VTA (virginia theatre fectival) a girll commited sucide and hung herself.
aritcal http://www.connectionnewspapers.com/article.asp?article=43269&paper=72&cat=104
this hit me kinda hard. having in the past delt with such things i did not react well to this at all. and it keeps coming abck to me. i was there when it happened. and it brought up alot of feelings in me, mainly me rembering when i was at that point. and i delt with it with out doing anything to myself. then it died down alot.... then while i was at work the above arttical was there. and i read it and it hit my like a ton of bricks. these things dont go away . and i didnt react well to tha either. because all i want is it to go away. and it never will. and i hate that. this also brought up some stuff in my head. but all in all i handled it in a semi constuctive way that i can at this point in time. and i fell good about that. cuz if i can do it now it means that if something like this comes up again i will be able to deal. But this is not me in a "depressive funk" as my mother calls it. this is me dealing with emothins and memories of my really really bad "depresive funk" so i am higly upset when she sayd that to me. i really am. cuz i am not at that point in my life. i am tryint to move on. and ahhh she urkes me when she doesn things like that. i am trying to earn money to move out after graduation. i am trying to build up a life where i can be happy and not kill myslef in the process. is that to much to ask. and she is asking alot of me that i cant ive and i cant focus on her right now i need to focus on me and my goals.
15hrs of school a week (if i go to school everyday)
i am only supposed to work about 18 hrs a week at work but i am workin any where from 20-40 hrs a week.
i dance at least 6hrs of class
and atleast 5 hrs of rehersal
then atleast 4hrs of performance
this is all in a week
and i am ONLY 17!!!!!!!!!!
plus extra work on the weekends if i can fit it in (this varies)
let me tell you i am fucking tired. i work most of my moms regular hours now. hence the extra work hrs. and let me tell you i only make 6.50 a hr. and i have a paycheck of over 500 dollars after taxes!!! then latly to get extra cash i am working at santa's in the mall doing the photographs. it pays 10hr. again i state i am only 17. today i did not go to school. i threw up this morning, coughing. i had 2 performances yesterday.. 20 min performance of non-stop dancing in a frosy suit. i am talking the big head and the big furry suit. and we did it twice.. back to back menaing i did not take me head off for the inbetweem b/c there was only 5 mins inbetween....... and i had to work as well...... after it. b/c mom said that she wouldnt work for me b/c she had stuff to do. i came home and noting was done in the house. the entire weekend i worked with santa... nothing got done in the house and she didnt work that weekend. and she thinks i am in a depressive slump??????????????????? i take most of her hrs so she can get things done and nothing gets done. and then i get yelled at because i have been working and neglect my duties at the house..... hmm does this make sence to anyone??????? so i called the dr today. i am going to see if she can give me something. we are all sick at work and i fear it is only going to get worse. and with everything i have been doing my body is not capable of handling me being sick. grrrr....
on another note.
While i was at VTA (virginia theatre fectival) a girll commited sucide and hung herself.
aritcal http://www.connectionnewspapers.com/article.asp?article=43269&paper=72&cat=104
this hit me kinda hard. having in the past delt with such things i did not react well to this at all. and it keeps coming abck to me. i was there when it happened. and it brought up alot of feelings in me, mainly me rembering when i was at that point. and i delt with it with out doing anything to myself. then it died down alot.... then while i was at work the above arttical was there. and i read it and it hit my like a ton of bricks. these things dont go away . and i didnt react well to tha either. because all i want is it to go away. and it never will. and i hate that. this also brought up some stuff in my head. but all in all i handled it in a semi constuctive way that i can at this point in time. and i fell good about that. cuz if i can do it now it means that if something like this comes up again i will be able to deal. But this is not me in a "depressive funk" as my mother calls it. this is me dealing with emothins and memories of my really really bad "depresive funk" so i am higly upset when she sayd that to me. i really am. cuz i am not at that point in my life. i am tryint to move on. and ahhh she urkes me when she doesn things like that. i am trying to earn money to move out after graduation. i am trying to build up a life where i can be happy and not kill myslef in the process. is that to much to ask. and she is asking alot of me that i cant ive and i cant focus on her right now i need to focus on me and my goals.