(no subject)
I'm pretty upset. I don't like the way this is going. It's like history is repeating itself, but w/someone else. I see it happening, but I'm not sure how to stop it. At least I realize it this time, I guess that's an improvement, right? But, I didn't know how to stop it then, and I still haven't figured that out. It's like I keep begging for a beating. I just want to be happy. Like...all the time. Not just half the time..or most the time...or whenever. I want it all the time. That's not selfish is it? If it is, well, too bad. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I don't want to strung along anymore. I don't want to be toyed with anymore. I want to be happy. I want to laugh. I want to smile. I want to be wanted.
AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRAP I HATE THIS!
Now, if I could vocalize that...maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated.
I'm sick of getting my hopes up just to have them come crashing down. A person can only take so much of that. It's begining to really affect me. I'm emotional, I mean,I always was. But I'm more insecure than I was before. I'm edgy, I'm snappy, I'm taking it out on people who don't deserve it (Sarah). I want to cry at the same time that I want to scream. I want to sleep and at the same time I want to just dance around singing at the top of my lungs. This tug o war is going on inside of me...I wish one side would just win already! Instead, I'm just being torn apart. Slowly but surely I'm being ripped right down the middle.
Why can't I just say, that's bad for you, stay away. Why do I have this constant need to think, but what about that one time...or, but there was that thing....it's that stupid "but." It gets me in trouble everytime. If I would just stick w/ what I know...I'd probably be ok. Well, I might be better off. Stupid boys.
Why do I put myself out there. Why do I go into things so completely. Why do I wear my heart on my sleeve. Why do I trust so easily. Why am I so naive. Why am I so blind...until it's too late.
Why do I let it get to me like this. Why do I always break down...and end up like this....depressed. Why do I feel like I'm less. Why do I feel so worthless. Why do I feel..basically like crap. Why do I feel so low. Why do I compare myself to others.
I'm done
AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRAP I HATE THIS!
Now, if I could vocalize that...maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated.
I'm sick of getting my hopes up just to have them come crashing down. A person can only take so much of that. It's begining to really affect me. I'm emotional, I mean,I always was. But I'm more insecure than I was before. I'm edgy, I'm snappy, I'm taking it out on people who don't deserve it (Sarah). I want to cry at the same time that I want to scream. I want to sleep and at the same time I want to just dance around singing at the top of my lungs. This tug o war is going on inside of me...I wish one side would just win already! Instead, I'm just being torn apart. Slowly but surely I'm being ripped right down the middle.
Why can't I just say, that's bad for you, stay away. Why do I have this constant need to think, but what about that one time...or, but there was that thing....it's that stupid "but." It gets me in trouble everytime. If I would just stick w/ what I know...I'd probably be ok. Well, I might be better off. Stupid boys.
Why do I put myself out there. Why do I go into things so completely. Why do I wear my heart on my sleeve. Why do I trust so easily. Why am I so naive. Why am I so blind...until it's too late.
Why do I let it get to me like this. Why do I always break down...and end up like this....depressed. Why do I feel like I'm less. Why do I feel so worthless. Why do I feel..basically like crap. Why do I feel so low. Why do I compare myself to others.
I'm done