November Round Up, Thoughts, Plans, Etc. (Cross-Posted)
We’re closing in on the last days of November (holy crap) and, as the end of the year draws ever closer, I’m finding myself thinking about how I want to go forward. I’ve come to realizations on a number of fronts: I miss finding joy in what I’m writing and how I approach writing. Treating writing like work, like a job, has taken the exploration and space for discovery out of it, and I’m determined to bring that back in. So, I’m not treating it like a job anymore. Deadlines are gone. Decisions about what my writing should look like are gone. The desire to keep exploring other ways of approaching it in order to become more prolific and efficient are gone. I’m forty. I’ve been writing for a long time. I’ve been paying attention to my writing method for some of that time. I know the way my writing goes. I’m glad I’ve explored, and I have changed some things, adopted some things, but it’s time to be okay with the rest of it, even if it doesn’t look like how I think a Real Author would be writing. Further, while I am going to continue to write and self publish, I’m treating it as a fun thing that I do that I may as well share with others, not some side hustle that I’m trying to make into a full time job. ::wipes hands:: May I remember that, this time. ;-p
I miss finding joy in my spiritual practice, and I miss the ease of communication with my Beloved. Out goes any ideas about what a devotional practice “should” look like, and I’m returning to my basics. Small libations, simple words if any, a candle here, some incense there. This is my life, this is my relationship, and it’s time to stop cluttering it up with ideas that just don’t work, or just don’t move me. Gone, too, is the guilt at how trying the last few years have been, between us. They are not the tumultuous years at the beginning of o/Our Marriage, but neither have they been easy, exactly, and this last one was the worst of them all. Hard, but like those first few years, necessary, I think, to teach me to get out of my own way and to maybe stop clinging so damned hard to labels. At the very least, to teach myself how to treat labels properly -- like any form of communication, there must be a certain willingness to fluidity. They are to be as a branch in the wind, pliant and willing to bend, not rigid and trapping. Labels are stories, and stories mean different things to different people at different times. May I also remember that.
As these thoughts have been percolating around in my head, a small number of ideas or projects have been brought to my awareness. One is a call to return to blogging from Asha Dornfest, which I found through Jackie Beltaine’s blog, which she found through the Bloggess. I like this idea -- we all have our various reasons for writing what we write and sharing what we share. I feel like I’ve internalized a bit of the stigma that some folks place upon those who use social media, who write and share about the tiny minutiae of their days. I also feel like I scroll and read and grab at posts in an attempt to gain something that I feel I’ve been lacking, and I suspect that short form sharing, while is nice and does help me feel not alone, isn’t enough. I miss the longer posts, I miss catching deeper glimpses of peoples lives, I appreciate when people share, and while knowing I’m not alone at being annoyed over some small thing is great, knowing that I’m not alone with clinging depression, or anxiety out of nowhere, or in grief that goes on and on, or having survivors guilt pressing on me (all things we all deal with from time to time) is better. I am not leaving FaceBook, nor will I stop using it, but I am going to strive blog more and to also use FaceBook differently. At the least, treat it differently in my mind and approach.
The second thing I found by way of Beth: a year of going deep, of narrowing one’s focus on a handful of things -- really, you get to decide -- and diving into them, rather than being distracted by other shiny bits. This is something I’ve found myself unconsciously starting already by picking up knitting again, returning to the basics of my practices, and my writing. Coming across the concept in a more thought-out basis, and reading about other people doing it, and what, exactly, they are planning on doing, was useful and timely, and yeah, I’m grabbing those coattails, you better believe it! They wouldn’t be so long, if they didn’t want me to, right? Writing, connecting with family and Family, diving into the basics all over again, knitting, and making home. These are the goals for the coming year. In fact, Making Home will be my guiding words, my theme, and it feels . . . exactly right.
The Round-Up
In other news, there’s a part of my job that allows for some lengthy get-to-listen-to-music-on-headphones, and I’ve been gobbling up audiobooks like whoa. This month I’ve listened to: Robin Hobb’s LiveShip Trader books -- a reread, but wow did I misremember a lot of those books! I am, however, still in love with Paragon; Traditional Wicca by Thorn Mooney -- an interesting book, a needed update to outdated material for those curious about traditional Wicca, and a reminder to myself that, at least, am not; The House Witch by Arin Murphy-Hiscock, which is an updated edition, a quick read, a timely read, and a gentle nudge back toward those basics I was talking about earlier; Inspired by Rachel Held Evans -- a delightful book to listen to, narrated by the author and, while centered around a Christian perspective, offered a decent amount of spiritual struggle to empathize with. Rachel is a great writer, a practiced speaker, and a skillful storyteller.
I’ve burned my way through the backlog of the Very Pink Knits podcast (if you like knitting, dogs, and short podcasts, this might be for you) I’ve started listening to Down at the Crossroads; at Beth’s urging, I’ve discovered My Favorite Murder podcast and enjoying it so very much.
Knitting wise, I’ve been on the same pair of socks all month, and I hope to finish in the next fortnight. It’s a simple pattern (Vanilla Latte by Virginia Rose-Jeanes) on Knit Picks Stroll tweed in farmhouse heather. I will likely never do fingering weight socks again. ;-p
Between all that, work, and various animal hijinx, that’s what I’ve been up to, and, except for some of the animal hijinx, been enjoying it all.
What are you all up to? What have you been enjoying this past month?