Oh boy problems :-/
Standing at a crossroads
Where I'll go I'll never know
Both choices could potentially make me happy
Both choices could potentially kill me
Inside or out
Both choices will leave me yearning
Both choices will keep me learning
About myself and everyone else
Can he ever learn that I'm worth more than he'll ever know
Can he ever learn that I'm not a demon, I'm not so low
He doesn't trust me as it is, with good reason. But I'm willing to do so much for him, change so much for him. Maybe not even just for him, I'm trying to change for myself. I'm trying to be the kind of person that everyone likes. Not the old Jill, not the Jill that would get drunk and be a disappointment. He questions me how he's supposed to just trust someone like me, but it's not something I have an answer to, you just have to have faith... and he's not a big fan of blind faith. There's so many pros and cons of either choice, being with him and not being with him. He didn't always treat me so well, he did talk to me like I'm a piece of shit at times. But when things were good, they were really good. Sometimes I think the bad really was worth putting up with to have the good. He makes me comfortable being myself, something that I don't get with anyone else. He gives me something worth living for. But then on the other hand, he doesn't seem to support the things I'm interested in, like the things that are good for me. For example, my interest in being a makeup artist, I told him someone else had contacted me about a makeup job and his response was 'good for you'. And the art fair that I'm going to sell my jewelry at. I almost gave up because I didn't have a tent for it and I felt like I didn't have enough jewelry made to make it worth paying the booth fee. His response was basically telling me that I give up on everything, that I'm a failure. It made me feel like a failure, but ya know what, it made me just want to prove him wrong even more, and I'm going to! I'd be willing to forgive all that though and try to work on our problems if just he was willing to try to try to change a little. I shouldn't be the only one making changes to myself, I'm not the only one with the problems. I want to make him happy, but I just don't know if being with me would do that for him. So maybe it's time to give up.
I wish he knew how much I love him.
Where I'll go I'll never know
Both choices could potentially make me happy
Both choices could potentially kill me
Inside or out
Both choices will leave me yearning
Both choices will keep me learning
About myself and everyone else
Can he ever learn that I'm worth more than he'll ever know
Can he ever learn that I'm not a demon, I'm not so low
He doesn't trust me as it is, with good reason. But I'm willing to do so much for him, change so much for him. Maybe not even just for him, I'm trying to change for myself. I'm trying to be the kind of person that everyone likes. Not the old Jill, not the Jill that would get drunk and be a disappointment. He questions me how he's supposed to just trust someone like me, but it's not something I have an answer to, you just have to have faith... and he's not a big fan of blind faith. There's so many pros and cons of either choice, being with him and not being with him. He didn't always treat me so well, he did talk to me like I'm a piece of shit at times. But when things were good, they were really good. Sometimes I think the bad really was worth putting up with to have the good. He makes me comfortable being myself, something that I don't get with anyone else. He gives me something worth living for. But then on the other hand, he doesn't seem to support the things I'm interested in, like the things that are good for me. For example, my interest in being a makeup artist, I told him someone else had contacted me about a makeup job and his response was 'good for you'. And the art fair that I'm going to sell my jewelry at. I almost gave up because I didn't have a tent for it and I felt like I didn't have enough jewelry made to make it worth paying the booth fee. His response was basically telling me that I give up on everything, that I'm a failure. It made me feel like a failure, but ya know what, it made me just want to prove him wrong even more, and I'm going to! I'd be willing to forgive all that though and try to work on our problems if just he was willing to try to try to change a little. I shouldn't be the only one making changes to myself, I'm not the only one with the problems. I want to make him happy, but I just don't know if being with me would do that for him. So maybe it's time to give up.
I wish he knew how much I love him.