Thank you. I've spent the morning alternating between extreme happiness (like when I awoke to David smiling and laughing at me) to extreme sadness (like when I finally had the courage to open the email that was sent to me last night with more fake apoligies).
I don't understand what's so hard to understand on their part. Telling me I have no right to be angry is NOT an apology. Telling me, essentially, "I didn't intend for you to be offended by my rude comments but sorry you were," is NOT an apology. Then saying that they've tried apologizing repeatedly but I won't accept it. GAH!
Sorry /endrant
Knowing that there are so many people who understand where I'm coming from and confirmed that I made the right choice definitely makes me feel a lot better.
Kinda funny that most of the friends that I feel most comfortable confiding in are KoLers that I've seen in person only briefly, if at all. Sometimes I think it's easier for me to have a large number of more casual friends than a few really close ones. If I don't let someone get too close they can't cause as much pain. Perhaps not the best way to live life though.
A very wise friend shared the following with me when I wanted to cut myself off from everyone. I leave his words of wisdom with you.
"Caring is human. If you try to stop caring, you're cutting off a large piece of what makes you, you. You may stop feeling as much pain, but you'll also be severely limiting your joy, happiness, elation, love, and every other good thing out there. You can become cold and stop risking pain. It's possible. But is it really worth it when you lose so much else?"
His suggested solution is to become more selective about who and what you care about. I know I'm still working on it, and it's not easy. Strike that. It's downright HARD. It's a bit of a tightrope walk. Finding the people worth caring about takes opening yourself up enough to let them in enough that you risk being hurt. The reward, though, is the times you find someone who can bring you even a moment of joy. The tricky part is letting yourself open up enough to get a feel for the potential of either while not throwing down all personal barriers.
*hugs* You're a strong woman, as evidenced by coming out the other side of your battle with cancer with your sanity intact. You're an intelligent woman, as evidenced by the introspection it took to realize how you were allowing yourself to react instead of act. You can walk that tightrope and do it successfully. It's worth it for the warmth you feel when you see David's precious smile.
Very wise words indeed! I need to learn to do that. I have a tendency to fall hard and fast. It was true when I was dating and it's true with friendships too it seems. I put so much trust and faith into a friendship and then end up hurt in the end. I need to learn to be more selective with who I'm putting the faith into.
Thank you for your kind words though I may argue with whether I have any sanity left intact ;)
I don't understand what's so hard to understand on their part. Telling me I have no right to be angry is NOT an apology. Telling me, essentially, "I didn't intend for you to be offended by my rude comments but sorry you were," is NOT an apology. Then saying that they've tried apologizing repeatedly but I won't accept it. GAH!
Sorry /endrant
Knowing that there are so many people who understand where I'm coming from and confirmed that I made the right choice definitely makes me feel a lot better.
Kinda funny that most of the friends that I feel most comfortable confiding in are KoLers that I've seen in person only briefly, if at all. Sometimes I think it's easier for me to have a large number of more casual friends than a few really close ones. If I don't let someone get too close they can't cause as much pain. Perhaps not the best way to live life though.
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"Caring is human. If you try to stop caring, you're cutting off a large piece of what makes you, you. You may stop feeling as much pain, but you'll also be severely limiting your joy, happiness, elation, love, and every other good thing out there. You can become cold and stop risking pain. It's possible. But is it really worth it when you lose so much else?"
His suggested solution is to become more selective about who and what you care about. I know I'm still working on it, and it's not easy. Strike that. It's downright HARD. It's a bit of a tightrope walk. Finding the people worth caring about takes opening yourself up enough to let them in enough that you risk being hurt. The reward, though, is the times you find someone who can bring you even a moment of joy. The tricky part is letting yourself open up enough to get a feel for the potential of either while not throwing down all personal barriers.
*hugs* You're a strong woman, as evidenced by coming out the other side of your battle with cancer with your sanity intact. You're an intelligent woman, as evidenced by the introspection it took to realize how you were allowing yourself to react instead of act. You can walk that tightrope and do it successfully. It's worth it for the warmth you feel when you see David's precious smile.
Reply
Thank you for your kind words though I may argue with whether I have any sanity left intact ;)
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