Almost on the road...
It's been over two months since I've wrote anything. Where have I been? Working, living life, wasting time. All before I got waste some more time in a, hopefully, more exciting environment. I'm still figuring things out. And I've come to terms that I will always to a degree be figuring things out. Whether it be with myself, my mate, my children, my family, my career, my health, my travels. Some of what I've mentioned I have not grasped yet. But it's what I want my life to be surrounded with. And that hope. That drive. Keeps me sane.
Work has been bearable. I think this is because I made a transition. The environment is a more positive one...to a degree. And I think the fact that I know I'll be leaving, makes it even more doable. I sometimes find myself swaying back and forth though. All influenced by words of my elders, fear, uncertanty. Maybe I should stay. Maybe they are right and I am being stupidly brave. Maybe this is a good job for me. Maybe this is as far as I will go in this life. Maybe this is ok. I sway. Eventually I come back to what I truly think I want right now. And I'm excited again. I just hope this will all be ok.
Love. Has been confusing and non-existant. Story of that chapter in my life.
Health. As painful and sore as I get in the aftermath. I trade one pain for another in each class. Sometimes I get nervous before class because I know what to expect now. I often feel as though I will vomit all over the mats and sometimes invision myself passing out while others just hurdle over me. I love jujutsu!
That is all the ramblings I have time for. Work calls. And no one is making money for me. Rats.
Work has been bearable. I think this is because I made a transition. The environment is a more positive one...to a degree. And I think the fact that I know I'll be leaving, makes it even more doable. I sometimes find myself swaying back and forth though. All influenced by words of my elders, fear, uncertanty. Maybe I should stay. Maybe they are right and I am being stupidly brave. Maybe this is a good job for me. Maybe this is as far as I will go in this life. Maybe this is ok. I sway. Eventually I come back to what I truly think I want right now. And I'm excited again. I just hope this will all be ok.
Love. Has been confusing and non-existant. Story of that chapter in my life.
Health. As painful and sore as I get in the aftermath. I trade one pain for another in each class. Sometimes I get nervous before class because I know what to expect now. I often feel as though I will vomit all over the mats and sometimes invision myself passing out while others just hurdle over me. I love jujutsu!
That is all the ramblings I have time for. Work calls. And no one is making money for me. Rats.