what a night
My day wasn't to terribly bad today until I got to work. Now the center doesn't usually bother me. Not usually one bit. I love the kids......I really honestly do. If I didn't I wouldn't work there. But I am sick and tired of the kids that are just down right horrible. They start shit for no reason and take our time away from the kids that need to honestly talk. That apperciate and respect us. That miss us when we are not there. That look forward to seeing us and make us realize that what we do is extremely important. To most of these kids we are the only thing that they have that is positive in their lives. It just frustrates me to no end the type of shit that we have to deal with. Yes I do know they are kids, and yes I do know they are teenagers. And yes kids will be kids. I know all of this. Its just that when a staff member is practically crying because of how the night went (because she had to deal with a fight that seriously was about "I think so and so is saying shit about me.....well so and so is saying shit about me too" type shit and there is someone that wants and needs to talk to them because they are the only person they feel comfortable with and that person can't because they are dealing with fucking nonsense bullshit......it kinda pisses one off). Tonight it was getting to the point where I was getting catty. A couple of girls had gotten up in my face with fucking attitude because I told them to take there drinks to the teen room (they aren't allowed to have drinks in the dance and THEY KNOW THIS!!!!) One of my co-workers also had gotten a cigarette butt thrown at them by a parent. No wonder why the kids act this way. Sometimes I feel like what I do has no effect and no impact at all on these kids. I seriously love each and everyone of them and it thourghly disgusts me that they not only treat me this way but the other staff as well. Granted there are a lot of them that do care and do appreciate the fact that we take the time to listen to them and to be with them. It's not an easy job what I do. But I do value it as the most rewarding job that I do. Although sometimes like tonight and last Saturday you feel as if its pointless for the place that you work at to even be opened. When the kids make you feel like you are a worthless piece of shit, and they are constantly disrespecting you and not following the rules (which are put in place to keep them safe) its really really really hard for me to believe that they even care. I know I can't help them all and unfortunatly there are those that will never be able to be helped. But I want to try and I think that I am but its just so hard to know that you are doing a good job and that what you do do does make a difference. It's hard to just take a deep breathe and just blow it off and to just leave it at work and not to take things personally. I'm not built like that and I don't think there are many people who are. With the incidents that happened last Saturday and then those that had happened tonight it makes me wonder why I am even going into the field that I have choosen. I guess I feel that if I can't help these kids how am I going to be able to help them when I have them in my classroom. If I can't help these ones then how can I help anyone really?