funny how..
me + ryan haven't been on the best terms..
i have been frustrated about all of our situation..and he has been depressed..so not a good combination. today we kept talking..well, he did. i didn't know what to say..i told him things have changed..and he thought that meant my feelings or something..and that is not what i meant..but it got me thinking..so when we got off the phone, i came on AiM and was talking to my girl kel and i just told her everything and i realized that im just being selfish and i would be stupid as fuck to end things with ryan..
SoOo..i text him saying that i really want to talk to him cuz i have been thinking. so i tell him i would call him after i have dinner w/ some family friends. before i went to dinner, i wrote out what i wanted to say to him so i wouldnt forget and i was all cheery and really wanted to talk to him and tell him my TruE feelings :):)
then i call him.
he was over at someone's house..they were ordering pizza and doing whatever. i could hear them all in the background..so i was like, well..i really want to talk to you..can you call me later? and he is like 'we can talk now..cuz i will be here all night' and -to myself- im like..ahh, i want to be able to tell you all my feelings and have you truly listen and take in how much you mean to me..so my mood goes from 'im so in love and im going to do everything in my power to be strong' to 'poop..shit..depressed' like..it seemed he had no desire to talk to me..
like..i had it all planned..i feel horrible..and feel like crying and just like shit. the one time im ready to communicate and not be a bitch but to prove to him how much he means to me and everything im feeling..and he blows me off..*and here come the tears* god..i hate me..
i have been frustrated about all of our situation..and he has been depressed..so not a good combination. today we kept talking..well, he did. i didn't know what to say..i told him things have changed..and he thought that meant my feelings or something..and that is not what i meant..but it got me thinking..so when we got off the phone, i came on AiM and was talking to my girl kel and i just told her everything and i realized that im just being selfish and i would be stupid as fuck to end things with ryan..
SoOo..i text him saying that i really want to talk to him cuz i have been thinking. so i tell him i would call him after i have dinner w/ some family friends. before i went to dinner, i wrote out what i wanted to say to him so i wouldnt forget and i was all cheery and really wanted to talk to him and tell him my TruE feelings :):)
then i call him.
he was over at someone's house..they were ordering pizza and doing whatever. i could hear them all in the background..so i was like, well..i really want to talk to you..can you call me later? and he is like 'we can talk now..cuz i will be here all night' and -to myself- im like..ahh, i want to be able to tell you all my feelings and have you truly listen and take in how much you mean to me..so my mood goes from 'im so in love and im going to do everything in my power to be strong' to 'poop..shit..depressed' like..it seemed he had no desire to talk to me..
like..i had it all planned..i feel horrible..and feel like crying and just like shit. the one time im ready to communicate and not be a bitch but to prove to him how much he means to me and everything im feeling..and he blows me off..*and here come the tears* god..i hate me..