spare me
Right now I am sitting at work, at my desk trying to hide from my co-workers the fact that I am suffering right now.
My skin is crawling and I just wish that I can remove myself from my body. My neck and throat are swelling and constricting to the point where I cannot swallow and it feels as if the blood and oxygen supply to my brain are cutting off. My fingers and toes are cold and tingly. As I type I can my hands getting grey and the beds of my nails bluing. All I want to do right now is run to the bathroom and cry. But I'm afraid to even stand up in fear that I will fall unconcious. My vision is fluctuating. I can feel my skin getting blotchy and pasty. I'm in agony.
I tell people I'm okay, though I'm not. I say I'm okay despite the controrary becuase I never want to burden anyone with my problems. Its just how I've always been. Its a funny thing how people dramatize the most simple thing. Things people take for granted.
I'm tired of going to the ER when they neglect correct evaluation and treatment, so thats out the question. I'm tired of taking painkillers that not only have been numbing the pain, but numbing my soul.
I'm sitting at my desk typing this as I'm fighting back my tears. I cant fight anymore. All my life I've been a fighter. Every person, every cause, everything I ever faught for in life, whether it be physically, verbal, intellectually, I always prevailed. I always rose as the Victor. Never in my life experiences would I think that the only fight I would ever lose would be one against myself. I AM losing this fight. I know all my weak points. I dont think I can go another round. I AM losing this fight. This fight against myself.
I'm ready to throw down the towel.
knock out.
My skin is crawling and I just wish that I can remove myself from my body. My neck and throat are swelling and constricting to the point where I cannot swallow and it feels as if the blood and oxygen supply to my brain are cutting off. My fingers and toes are cold and tingly. As I type I can my hands getting grey and the beds of my nails bluing. All I want to do right now is run to the bathroom and cry. But I'm afraid to even stand up in fear that I will fall unconcious. My vision is fluctuating. I can feel my skin getting blotchy and pasty. I'm in agony.
I tell people I'm okay, though I'm not. I say I'm okay despite the controrary becuase I never want to burden anyone with my problems. Its just how I've always been. Its a funny thing how people dramatize the most simple thing. Things people take for granted.
I'm tired of going to the ER when they neglect correct evaluation and treatment, so thats out the question. I'm tired of taking painkillers that not only have been numbing the pain, but numbing my soul.
I'm sitting at my desk typing this as I'm fighting back my tears. I cant fight anymore. All my life I've been a fighter. Every person, every cause, everything I ever faught for in life, whether it be physically, verbal, intellectually, I always prevailed. I always rose as the Victor. Never in my life experiences would I think that the only fight I would ever lose would be one against myself. I AM losing this fight. I know all my weak points. I dont think I can go another round. I AM losing this fight. This fight against myself.
I'm ready to throw down the towel.
knock out.