To be, you can only be with one Ch 8

[bluechicki]

Title: To be, you can only be with one Ch 8
Rating: MA- Language :)

Summary- After the tragic events of episode 104- Sivia wakes up and it's not what she is expecting.

A/N-Sorry for the bit of delay, i had this one written and then my computer crashed and i lost half of it *mumbles under breath* bloody computers!!
Thanks to everyone who commented on the last chapter.... i love to know people are actually reading and liking it...it helps me to continue faster *hint, hint* j/k...
anyway here is the next chapter- i hope y'all enjoy it...It's pretty long, it kinda took on a mind of it's own..
Oh and i know a lot of you thought Pepa would faint...well i thought about it and.....well just read and see *grins*

To be, you can only be with one

Chapter 8

Silvia heard the familiar captivating voice, even through her muffled sobs and couldn’t help but turn around. Pepa stood there… in stunned silence, her mouth agape, every part of her nervously waiting for the moment when her eyes met … her wife’s.

Silvia’s eyes locked on to Pepa’s and she felt the heat in her body rise, the pounding of her heart increase, and for that single precious moment… the world disappeared, only the two of them existed. Her mind became awash with memories … memories of Pepa… memories of the two of them… memories that seemed like they were only days old.

Tears steadily trickled down Silvia’s cheeks; her eyes were blurred, red and swollen, but she could still see her wife clearly… the scorching gaze Pepa was giving her was real, it was full of love and desire, and it was the way she had always looked at her, like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Silvia knew that look.

Pepa stared deeply into Silvia’s hazy brown eyes, piercing to the depths of her soul. Pepa could see the love, the desire, the need and the want that Silvia was feeling, she could see it all in Silvia’s eyes, she always could. Pepa knew that look too.

She swore she felt Silvia’s loving, penetrating gaze begin to slowly heal her broken heart. She was glued to the spot, unable to move, not wanting the moment to end, unsure if it was really….. real.

The two women remained froze in time, lost in each others eyes. Pepa was the first to make a movement, her face contorted into the biggest, brightest smile anyone had ever seen, and tears fell freely down her cheeks splashing silently onto the grey carpet that lined the floor. She began to move towards Silvia, holding onto their gaze, holding onto their connection, aching to touch her, to hold her, to make sure her pelirroja had really returned to her.

Silvia realised what Pepa was doing and she to wanted to mirror Pepa’s movements, she couldn’t help it; she loved this woman more than anything. Right now she didn’t care that Pepa had moved on, she didn’t care that Pepa had a family of her own and she wasn’t part of it, all she knew was that Pepa still had a love for her in her eyes so deep that it took her breath away… and what she needed right now more than anything, what she needed since she had woken up more than anything was to feel Pepa’s love.

But Silvia couldn’t mirror her wife’s movements, she physically couldn’t….. She felt a surge of blood rush to her brain, her mind began to feel dizzy and the back of her pupils began to become blurry… the world began to go dark before her very eyes.

Before her exhausted body collapsed to the floor Paco put his arms around Silvia’s shoulder to stop her falling, he knew she was going to faint, but it wasn’t needed. Pepa caught her, she saw the change in Silvia’s eyes and instinctively ran over and caught her…  in her strong, warm, loving arms, “I’ve got you pelirroja,” she whispered, her voice crackly with emotion, her eyes still firmly entrenched to Silvia’s.

As soon as Silvia felt Pepa’s touch, Pepa’s warm arms embracing her, she returned from the haze that was enveloping her.

Pepa gently placed the palm of her hand against Silvia’s cheek, tracing her wife’s delicate bottom lip with her thumb. Silvia closed her eyes and revelled in the sensation of having the woman she loves touch her… hold her.

Pepa slowly closed her eyes; leaned into Silvia and their lips met. As they did sparks flew, like random lighting bolts in a darkened sky, and the whole atmosphere of the room became charged, both women remembering the feeling of each others soft supple lips on their own, instantly feeling the effect of their kiss, their skin tingling, sensitised beyond belief by each others touch, goose bumps forming on every square inch of their bodies.

Pepa could taste Silvia’s salty tears, mingling with her own, as she slowly licked Silvia’s bottom lip, desperate to taste her pelirroja once again; desperate to show her just how much she missed her and how much it meant to her that she was back. Silvia involuntarily parted her lips and their tongues explored the contours of each others mouths, sensually moving in sync with each other re-familiarising themselves with every curve, every crevice, every unique taste that was on offer.

For Pepa it had been 5 long years and for Silvia only a few days but they both needed it, they both wanted it; they both felt it as desperately as the other. It was a kiss that said … everything.

Silvia held on to Pepa so tightly that the smallest ray of light couldn’t get through…. that nothing could get through and Pepa held Silvia just as tightly, trying to savour the moment for as long as she could. She couldn’t believe she was kissing her pelirroja; she was actually kissing her pelirroja!!

Time was infinite; the two women kissed for what could have been an eternity, they had no idea … and they didn’t care. Pepa reluctantly broke her lips away; her breathing heavy and laboured, mirroring that of her wife; resting their foreheads together she immediately missed Silvia’s lips on her own.

She gazed hopefully at Silvia, her mind a blur, all the questions that she was sure to have, gone for now, lost somewhere in Silvia’s eyes; all she could do was stare in wonder at her wife, “Please tell me I am not dreaming” Pepa whispered. She looked at Silvia with such unbridled love and longing that it made Silvia shiver, “Because if I am dreaming princesa I never want to wake up” her words were said with such truth that Silvia knew Pepa meant every one.

Silvia responded with an incandescent smile, running her fingers lovingly down Pepa’s tear stained cheek, “Pepa….” When Silvia said Pepa’s name for the first time Pepa felt like her heart jumped out of her chest, “You are not dreaming. I am really here carino.”

Pepa leant in and kissed Silvia again, gently sucking on Silvia’s bottom lip before unleashing a passion she hadn’t known, hadn’t had the desire to express for five long years. Dios, how she had missed this…how she had missed her pelirroja. Silvia responded with fervour, to her it felt like it was only yesterday that she had felt their passion, only yesterday that Pepa had made her feel so… so ALIVE.

Silvia broke away reluctantly, the lack of oxygen causing her dizziness to return, or was it Pepa’s kiss? Silvia wasn’t sure. Their mouths remained only inches apart; Pepa was completely breathless; she gazed again into the eyes, into the heart … of her wife who had somehow miraculously returned to her… she couldn’t stop gazing at her.

Pepa softly took Silvia’s hand; entwined their fingers tightly together … and she found her voice; “Hola Princesa.” It was a simple greeting but one she never thought she would have the chance to say again.

“Hola Pepa!” Silvia laughed at Pepa’s simple gesture.

Pepa smiled as though the world had just been given back to her.

She was having trouble believing it though, her heart realised it was real but her mind couldn’t quite grasp it, “But how Pelirroja? I held you while you ….. while you died.” Pepa questioned wistfully, immense sadness reflected in her eyes as she remembered and it broke Silvia’s heart, “Silvia, If I had only known……….”

“Shhhhh…..it’s ok, I’m here now.” Silvia pulled Pepa even closer to her, if that was possible, smoothing her fingertips soothingly over Pepa’s tanned shoulders and down her back. Pepa relaxed into her arms and slowly closed her eyes, loving the feeling of Silvia’s warm embrace, her tender caress, breathing in her scent, the scent that was seared into her sub conscious years ago, remembering the safeness and love she felt in her arms.

Silvia wasn’t ready to move into the real world yet, she wasn’t ready to let Pepa go, she still wanted this time, this moment for as long as she could have it, she whispered into Pepa’s ear, “Pepa, I will explain everything to you I promise, but right now can you… can you  just hold me.” Silvia closed her eyes tightly as a single tear trailed down her cheek, she had been through so much in the last two days and if all she had was this moment with Pepa then she was going to cherish every last second of it, “I missed you so much. I just need to feel you close to me”….

‘Even if it may be for the last time’ Silvia thought painfully.

“I can do that… Pelirroja, I missed you so much too,” Pepa smiled into Silvia’s curly red locks, ‘I would be happy to do that forever’ she thought to herself as she held on to her pelirroja.

As she stood wrapped in Pepa’s arms, her head resting comfortably on Pepa’s chest, listening intently to the frenetic beating of Pepa’s heart, Silvia realised something. She realised that so many things had stayed the same while she was in her coma, the most mundane ordinary things that she took for granted every day were exactly as they were, the not so mundane but predictable behaviour of her father for instance, or the same rose bushes at her front door, or the same ugly grey carpet in the precinct’s reception area, or Curtis’s hairstyle… but the one thing she hoped had stayed as it was, the one thing she hoped would have stayed exactly the same, was the one thing that had changed the most and was the one thing that meant the most to her.

Her life as she knew it was just a distant memory to everyone that was a part of it…… except her.

Pepa and Silvia eventually, reluctantly pulled themselves out of each others embrace. Pepa looked lovingly down at Silvia, her arms remaining firmly in place, holding Silvia protectively around her waist. She was not letting go of her pelirroja, not again, not ever…. well at least not until she knew what had happened to her.

Pepa looked intensely into Silvia’s eyes, as she did she got this feeling from Silvia, she always had the ability to read Silvia when she gazed into her beautiful chocolate brown eyes… she still could… and her instincts were telling her that Silvia wasn’t completely ecstatic to be home … or completely happy to see her, she was holding something back.

She could see that Silvia still loved her just as much as she still loved Silvia; she could see that the moment her eyes met with her pelirroja again, by the way she looked at her, by the way she kissed her, by the way she touched her… Dios, how she had missed that, but there was something; she knew Silvia too well, even after all this time, not to pick up on it, but what? ‘What reason could there possibly be for Silvia to be holding back from… me? Pepa sadly thought, her mind briefly blank, still processing the fact that her wife was right in front of her….and ALIVE!!

What if it had to do with where she had been all this time? Where had she been all this time? Why didn’t Pepa know anything about her being alive? How could Silvia be alive all this time and she had no idea? Maybe Silvia blamed her for not knowing she was alive? Maybe Silvia didn’t want her to know? No, Silvia still loved her, that she was sure of, she would have let her know if she could have, wouldn’t she? Joder… What happened to my pelirroja?

It had been 5 years, and Pepa had so many questions. She felt insecure and … uncertain, she never felt this way; after Silvia had died she had learned to hold in all her emotions, push them deep down into the far depths of her heart and her mind and keep them there; but she had never in her life thought she would have her pelirroja come back to her, not in her wildest dreams, or the furthest stretches of her imagination, no matter how much she had prayed for it for all those years.

She needed to know what had happened, she needed to ask Silvia. She couldn’t take losing her again, not now after she had miraculously returned to her… ‘It’s Silvia, my pelirroja, my wife, my everything…I can talk to her about anything.’ Pepa convinced herself.

_________________________________________

Silvia on the other hand was hopelessly trying to figure out how she was going to live without Pepa’s love, without her caring touch or her sweet kisses; the image of Pepa’s picture perfect family having lunch together in the park and the way she held the brunette on the bench seat, burned into her subconscious, a constant reminder of her devastating pain. It was even harder now that she had seen Pepa again, that she had kissed her again, that she had touched her again.

They should have been newly weds on their honey moon right now, instead she was desperately trying to find a way to let go.  How was she going to let go of the person who meant EVERYTHING to her?

If it was only about her and Pepa she would fight for Pepa with everything she had, she would die fighting for Pepa, for their love….. the love that they still BOTH felt, she could see that the moment she laid eyes on Pepa again, the first time they gazed into each others eyes again; but there was a little pelirroja involved and Silvia just couldn’t get in the way of a … family, of Pepa’s family.

Silvia felt like life and the passing of time had already made the decision for her. As hard as it would be for her, she had to tell Pepa, she had to explain what had happened to her. She had to tell Pepa that she would always love her but she didn’t need to worry; she wouldn’t take her away from another love or her beautiful little pelirroja… ‘It’s Pepa, my wife, my soul mate, the love of my life… I can talk to her about anything’ Silvia convinced herself.

Silvia gripped Pepa’s back with one hand while she tenderly wiped away her wife’s dripping tears with her thumb, “Carino, lets go to… the interrogation room and I will explain everything vale….” Silvia wanted to talk to Pepa but they needed privacy, a place to talk on their own.

Silvia glanced over at Don Lorenzo, even he had a tear in his eye as he watched his hija and his daughter in law together again….. It warmed his aging heart to see the two people he loved find each other again, to be back where they belonged. He nodded his head, in a sign of understanding.

“Vale,” Pepa slowly closed her eyes and replied her voice laced with both utter sadness and inexplicable joy.

Silvia put her arm around Pepa’s waist and snuggled into her, it was her turn to take a deep breath, breathing in the hypnotising scent of her wife, the scent she too had memorised only days ago… no, 5 years ago. She held onto Pepa, they held onto each other, while they made their way to the interrogation room. ‘What the fuck are you doing Silvia? Dios, but she smells soooo good! Torture yourself some more idiot? ’ Silvia scolded herself on the way.

They walked arm in arm into the interrogation room in an uneasy silence. Pepa went in first and sat down tapping her fingers nervously on the side of her thighs, her unsteady gaze never leaving her wife, while Silvia shut the door. Silvia then joined her; she sat facing Pepa, took both of Pepa’s shaky hands in her own and looked her deeply, adoringly in the eyes, “Pepa, I guess you were wondering where I have been,” Pepa nodded gently in anticipation and Silvia continued, “Carino, I don’t really know how to tell you this so I’m just going to say it vale” Pepa nodded again hesitantly, and Silvia continued, “I was in a coma for the last 5 years, up until 2 days ago.”

Silvia dropped her head and fiddled nervously with Pepa’s fingers, her eyes welling with tears. Silvia noticed Pepa no longer wore her wedding ring, the wedding ring she had placed on her finger, the significant fact sadly just confirming to Silvia that her wife had in deed moved on.

Pepa grabbed Silvia’s chin gently, lifting her face back up, not wanting to lose their eye contact, “joder….Are you ok princesa?” Pepa leaned in and kissed Silvia’s lips softly before retreating to regain eye contact.

Silvia smiled sweetly at Pepa’s obvious concern; that was exactly what she had needed when she had woken up… all alone, Silvia though regretfully.

Silvia spoke, her voice laced with emotion, “Si, I was so scared when I woke up Pepa. I was all alone there. I couldn’t understand what anyone was talking about and….” Silvia’s voice changed to a whisper, so quiet that Pepa barely heard her, “and…. I couldn’t find YOU Pepa. No-one could tell me where you were.”

Pepa knelt down and pulled Silvia into a tight warm embrace, her words exuding regret, “I’m so sorry pelirroja that I wasn’t there.”

Silvia shook her head fiercely, “Carino don’t be sorry, you are here now, and this is exactly what I needed right now….all I need right now,” she spoke softly into Pepa’s ear, “I am not telling you for you to be sorry, I just want to talk to you Pepa, about what happened; to explain to you what happened to me, you have the right to know exactly what happened to me. And besides you have always been the one person I can talk to about anything, you are the only one I want to talk to right now about everything vale…”

After hearing her explanation, Pepa put all her concerns and her uncertainty on hold to listen to Silvia. Her pelirroja had been in a coma for 5 years…5 long heartbreaking years, this allayed most of Pepa’s fears, but her poor sweet Silvia had been taken from her, and from her own life for 5 years, and to top it all of she had to wake up all ALONE. Joder…Pepa tightened her hold on Silvia as she pulled her head back to gaze again into those intoxicating brown eyes.

“So you are sure you are ok Princesa?” Pepa gripped her wife’s soft, thin hands once more as she returned to sit opposite her.

“Si I am carino. My body is a bit sore and stiff, but physically speaking I am fine. As for my head…….. I honestly don’t know, it feels like I have woken up to a different world, a different life…..but I’ll be ok Pepa,” Silvia’s tone was disheartened, she stroked the back of her fingers over Pepa’s cheek in immense regret, unshed tears welling and glistening in her eyes, but she did not let them fall, she tried to remain strong.

‘I don’t think my heart will ever be ok though if I don’t have you.’ Silvia thought to herself as she stared into her wife’s enchanting eyes.

There was a reflective silence for a few minutes. Pepa wasn’t sure how to process Silvia’s words, a different world, a different life? She saw in the reflection of Silvia’s eyes, a sadness in Silvia’s heart.

Silvia was pulling away from her again and she didn’t know why? She wanted to know why. No…. ‘One thing at a time Pepa’ she told herself. ‘I am not letting my pelirroja go until I know why anyway.’

Pepa sat back in her chair, her hands still holding on firmly to Silvia’s and she spoke again, wanting to know more about their lost time, “How is it possible princesa? How were you alive and I didn’t know?” As she was speaking it occurred to Pepa that Silvia had said she didn’t understand what they had been saying… “Joder, where were you all this time?”

Silvia tried to explain, “All I really know Pepa is that El Gordo took me, on our wedding day…. I don’t know why. It was his men in the ambulance, and I woke up in a Rome hospital a few days ago…”

Pepa interrupted perplexed, “El Gordo, but I don’t understand, I killed him….um, we all took him down 4 years ago Silvia..?”

Silvia eyes remained glued to Pepa’s as she tried to explain as best as she could, “I know you did carino, but my prognosis was bad. I was never expected to wake up … and Blackman, apparently he found me after El Gordo was killed.” Silvia scanned Pepa’s eyes, anxious of her reaction.

Pepa’s eyes furrowed, her anger apparent, “Blackman … Blackman knew Silvia, Blackman knew all this time? That fucker I am going to kill him…..he knew all this time.” Pepa shook her head, her hands beginning to tremble.

Silvia tried to calm down her emotional wife. She smoothed her fingers along Pepa’s arms and spoke softly, “Pepa I felt the same way when he told me too, but he saved me. He saved my life Pepa. If it wasn’t for Blackman I wouldn’t be here right now. He brought me back…” Silvia paused for a minute in reflection, “here… he brought me back here Pepa” She couldn’t bring herself to say home anymore. This wasn’t her home anymore. Pepa couldn’t be her home anymore and she had to get used to that!

Pepa consciously read between the lines, what Silvia was saying, what Silvia was thinking and her anger immediately faded, replaced with an overwhelming sense of worry; she wanted Silvia back desperately… like she used to have her, completely and without boundaries, she wanted Silvia back on the same wavelength as her, reassuringly she stated, “He bought you back here to…me, princesa. He bought you back HOME to… me!”

A diminutive smile crossed Silvia lips as she replied, “Si Pepa.”

Pepa was still concerned, Silvia’s response did not fill her with confidence, she looked down at her fingers that had unconsciously made their way to entwine with Silvia’s, “I didn’t know you were alive pelirroja, I didn’t know there was any hope or I never would have, I never would have……”

Pepa couldn’t finish her sentence, all her emotions had overwhelmed her, she collapsed her head onto Silvia’s lap … and she cried, she wanted Silvia back, she wanted every part of her back, and she wanted to tell her that, she wanted to tell her ‘I never would have given up, I would have searched to the ends of the earth if I knew there was ANY chance that I would find you’ but she couldn’t, she felt afraid and she felt Silvia’s uncertainty, she felt in the deepest orifice of her heart.

Silvia couldn’t help but assume what Pepa was going to say, Pepa was torn up, emotional about moving on without her, ‘I never would have…… moved on, is that what you were going to tell me Pepa.’ Silvia couldn’t blame Pepa for that; she couldn’t blame Pepa for living her life.

Both women held each other and cried, they cried in mourning and in hope. Silvia cried in mourning for her past life, the life she desperately wanted but could no longer have and Pepa cried daring to hope for a new life, a life she desperately wanted too but didn’t know if it was possible.

Silvia let Pepa’s last sobs subside before she looked adoringly at her wife, she could see the sadness and regret in her eyes, Pepa’s eyes revealing to Silvia the devastating extent of her loss, the intensity of her look reached to the depths of Silvia’s soul and her breath caught in the back of her throat.

She needed to regain her composure. She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t go anywhere, she couldn’t leave Pepa, not while Pepa looked at her like that, not while Pepa had even a glimmer of love for her in her eyes …  who was she kidding that she thought she could?

She spoke softly but firmly, “Um Pepa, I need to go to the bathroom.”

The sentence broke the two women out of their enraptured gaze.

Pepa got up and held out her arms, “Vale, I will go with you princesa?”

“No. Its ok… you stay here Pepa, I still know where it is,” Silvia shot Pepa a small cheeky grin,  “and besides it’ll give you a bit of time to think while I’m gone carino. It’s a lot to take in, me coming back and all” ‘me interrupting your life and all’ she couldn’t help but think.

Pepa protested, “But…… you’ve been gone long enough pelirroja,” Pepa could feel the tears trickling down her cheeks again as she dropped her head.

Silvia gently lifted Pepa’s head with her index finger bringing her wife’s gaze back to her own, she could feel Pepa’s pain in her look, she could see Pepa’s pain in her tears; she could barely speak, but she had to, “Pepa I’ll be a few minutes, I need to freshen up vale, I insist. I will be back in a few minutes, I promise.” Silvia gazed reassuringly at her wife, she didn’t want to leave Pepa’s side either … but that was precisely the problem, she needed to clear her head.

“Vale,” Pepa said defeatedly, as she slumped back into her chair; she still knew after all this time it was no use arguing with her red head… ‘I hope to god she is still my pelirroja?’

Silvia gave Pepa a slow lingering kiss on her lips and she walked out the door. Pepa’s eyes followed her the whole way out until her figure disappeared completely from view.

Silvia went into the bathroom and turned on the faucet, she splashed water on her face over and over, trying to regain her composure; she looked at herself in the mirror and didn’t recognise the image that looked back at her. She could see how pale her skin looked, ‘no wonder Povedilla thought I was a ghost’ she thought comically, the big black rings around her eyes, the bloodshot look in her eyes, the red blotches on her cheeks accompanied by the tear stains…… she looked like mierda…

’I really need a long hot shower’ she thought.

She thought about Pepa, she thought about her life, she thought about all she had lost while she was sleeping, while the cool water cascaded down her face. Silvia realised that she could have stood there and contemplated forever, but she knew she was always going to come to the same conclusion. The conclusion that she was not going to be able to regain her composure when it came to her wife, she was not going to be able to leave Pepa, she was not going to be able to look her in the eye and let go of the person who meant the most in the world to her. She had to get out of there before she did something stupid and took a child away from her mother and a mother from her family.

Silvia wrestled with her decision, her mind fighting gallantly with her heart.

As she was about to walk out of the bathroom, her decision made….. the lights flickered then went out; the bathroom went into complete darkness.

The whole precinct went into complete and utter darkness, she heard random gun shots and shouting at a distance. As she slowly, cautiously peered out the bathroom door she barely saw anything; the whole squad room was black, the only visible light was the slim rays of sunshine peeking in through cracks in the blinds. What she did see were shadows of men scrambling in with automatic weapons and the flickering of torches, ‘Joder’ she heard her colleagues yelling and running hastily and her only thought was that she had to get back to Pepa; she had to make sure Pepa was ok.

Silvia decided to make a run for it, back to the interrogation room, back to her wife. She hurried out the bathroom door and came face to face with one of the assailants. She took one look at him and yelled in frustration; “SON OF A BITCH!!!” before she put her hands up in defeat and went begrudgingly with the man.

END OF CHAPTER 8