What does it matter?
Really?
If someone can be won over by appearances or "good looks", then they are shallow and probably vain as well.
If someone can be won over by money, gifts, or possessions, then they are greedy and selfish.
If someone my be won over by physical prowess or force of arms, then they are cruel and possibly sadistic or even masochistic.
If someone is won over by infatuations, such feelings are fleeting and their affections will pass away.
If someone is won over by adventure, excitement, parties, and the thrill of new things, these are even more temporary than infatuations.
-Such people are flighty and prone to caprice and bore easily.
All of these, ALL of these are means suggested for winning the Hearts of women and men.
And all of them, ALL of them are equally useless.
For if someone may be won by these means, they may also be lost by these.
Such victories turn to ash and are blown away when the wind changes direction.
What shall a person consider worthy in a mate and what means are sure in securing a partner for the dance of generations?
I say it is loyalty, honesty, honour, and commitment.
Do not act or speak falsely, nor accept anyone who acts or speaks falsely.
Only Truth abides beyond all falsehood, pretense, and whim.
Only by living true and accepting what is true can we "truly live"
Those are my thoughts for January First, Two-Thousand and Seven.
I have been reading my copy of the Tao Te Ching.
I think it shows that much has weighed on my heart and mind the last two years.
The Seventeenth will be our Tenth Anniversary.
That means that over one-third of my life and more than a quarter of her life, I have spent in loving. A love I thought was mutual, but that words and actions of the last four years appear to contradict. Strange that the love of my life should appear not to meet my standard of loyalty and honesty. Perhaps my perceptions are accurate, perhaps not...
I have no way of knowing.
So I accept what I understand today as today's understanding.
What I learn tomorrow will be tomorrow's knowledge.
I know who and what I am.
I know who and what I want.
I have no power over situations or people.
I accept that.
I will speak and live my truth.
Otherwise, I would be false to myself.
I'm pretty sure that Shakespeare wrote something about that.
I expect my friends and readers to at least have minimal enough knowledge that I shouldn't need to quote it here.
So what is the truth?
She is my wife and I am her husband.(even now, there has been no divorce and I don't believe in them) She is the mother of my only child and I am the father of hers. I made the commitment to accept her as the love of my life. I believe a decade of love and devotion means something. A decade of loyalty matters. I place a value on my word and my commitment.
Just for the record. When I say I will love somebody always, I don't just quit when it gets difficult. I don't throw it away for something new and exciting. I cannot be bought by a pretty face or a night on the town. I wasn't taught to take the easy way out. My parents have been married since 1970. They've had fat times of affluence and thin times of barely making ends meet. I'm the second of 8 children, and at no time did either of them throw in the towel and run out on the responsibility of raising so many. It hasn't all be flowers and chocolate bon-bons and parties. So when I committed to "...Until death do us part." I knew what I was getting into and how hard it would be. Still, when she asked me, I said,"Yes!"
What's more, I still think my word has value.
"I love you always." does not mean, "until you call me asshole." It does not mean, "until you find somebody with more money, or a more interesting life." I didn't swear,"Until falsely accused of heinous crimes." Nor did I swear,"Until you fuck somebody else."
I swore, "...until Death do us part."
This isn't about "moving on with our lives" or "getting over it."
This is about the value I place on honesty and loyalty, both mine and that of others.
I can't just forget about, pretend it didn't happen, or tell myself it's over. To do so would require lying to myself about who I am.
As VNVNation puts it, "I must be that which I am."
As Alanis Morriset puts it, "Well are you still alive?!"
Let's get this straight. Let me be absolutely clear here.
I am damn good husband and father. I said I was a starving artist and had only my love and loyalty and a brutal self-honesty to offer. I will not change that for anyone. I said it on our first date. I said it when we decided to have an exclusive relationship. I said it when we started making love together. I said it when we moved in together. I said it when she asked me to marry her. I said it when she begged me to make her a mommy. I gave my word all of those times because she gave her word and claimed to accept me for who I am and to believe in the same things.
Maybe she was acting then for some ulterior motive. Maybe she's just lying to herself now. I don't know and I wouldn't be able to trust her if she told me.
Regardless, if I go back on my word for the sake of convenience, I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror or sleep at night. I would feel ashamed and guilty. Keeping my word only effects me. That's it.
I'm not being nice, or romantic, or obsessive.
Pure and simple. I believe a Man keeps his word and lives with honour. I believe a Man accepts his commitments and responsibilities and respects those of others. If I don't honour my word, then I'm not a Man. Last time I checked, I had a penis. Guess that explains that. I got two options, keep my word, or fulfill the bargain by dying. I don't have any plans to die. If someone can't deal with that, it's their problem. I'm fine keeping my word to somebody who appears to have since proven herself unworthy of me. Perhaps someday, though I'm not holding my breath, she may decide to become worthy of me again. Hell, as far as I'm concerned, the person she appears to be today isn't good enough to wipe the ass of the woman I married.
Damn this is getting long. Whatever. I think I've made my point.
Have a great fucking year!
Be True.
If someone can be won over by appearances or "good looks", then they are shallow and probably vain as well.
If someone can be won over by money, gifts, or possessions, then they are greedy and selfish.
If someone my be won over by physical prowess or force of arms, then they are cruel and possibly sadistic or even masochistic.
If someone is won over by infatuations, such feelings are fleeting and their affections will pass away.
If someone is won over by adventure, excitement, parties, and the thrill of new things, these are even more temporary than infatuations.
-Such people are flighty and prone to caprice and bore easily.
All of these, ALL of these are means suggested for winning the Hearts of women and men.
And all of them, ALL of them are equally useless.
For if someone may be won by these means, they may also be lost by these.
Such victories turn to ash and are blown away when the wind changes direction.
What shall a person consider worthy in a mate and what means are sure in securing a partner for the dance of generations?
I say it is loyalty, honesty, honour, and commitment.
Do not act or speak falsely, nor accept anyone who acts or speaks falsely.
Only Truth abides beyond all falsehood, pretense, and whim.
Only by living true and accepting what is true can we "truly live"
Those are my thoughts for January First, Two-Thousand and Seven.
I have been reading my copy of the Tao Te Ching.
I think it shows that much has weighed on my heart and mind the last two years.
The Seventeenth will be our Tenth Anniversary.
That means that over one-third of my life and more than a quarter of her life, I have spent in loving. A love I thought was mutual, but that words and actions of the last four years appear to contradict. Strange that the love of my life should appear not to meet my standard of loyalty and honesty. Perhaps my perceptions are accurate, perhaps not...
I have no way of knowing.
So I accept what I understand today as today's understanding.
What I learn tomorrow will be tomorrow's knowledge.
I know who and what I am.
I know who and what I want.
I have no power over situations or people.
I accept that.
I will speak and live my truth.
Otherwise, I would be false to myself.
I'm pretty sure that Shakespeare wrote something about that.
I expect my friends and readers to at least have minimal enough knowledge that I shouldn't need to quote it here.
So what is the truth?
She is my wife and I am her husband.(even now, there has been no divorce and I don't believe in them) She is the mother of my only child and I am the father of hers. I made the commitment to accept her as the love of my life. I believe a decade of love and devotion means something. A decade of loyalty matters. I place a value on my word and my commitment.
Just for the record. When I say I will love somebody always, I don't just quit when it gets difficult. I don't throw it away for something new and exciting. I cannot be bought by a pretty face or a night on the town. I wasn't taught to take the easy way out. My parents have been married since 1970. They've had fat times of affluence and thin times of barely making ends meet. I'm the second of 8 children, and at no time did either of them throw in the towel and run out on the responsibility of raising so many. It hasn't all be flowers and chocolate bon-bons and parties. So when I committed to "...Until death do us part." I knew what I was getting into and how hard it would be. Still, when she asked me, I said,"Yes!"
What's more, I still think my word has value.
"I love you always." does not mean, "until you call me asshole." It does not mean, "until you find somebody with more money, or a more interesting life." I didn't swear,"Until falsely accused of heinous crimes." Nor did I swear,"Until you fuck somebody else."
I swore, "...until Death do us part."
This isn't about "moving on with our lives" or "getting over it."
This is about the value I place on honesty and loyalty, both mine and that of others.
I can't just forget about, pretend it didn't happen, or tell myself it's over. To do so would require lying to myself about who I am.
As VNVNation puts it, "I must be that which I am."
As Alanis Morriset puts it, "Well are you still alive?!"
Let's get this straight. Let me be absolutely clear here.
I am damn good husband and father. I said I was a starving artist and had only my love and loyalty and a brutal self-honesty to offer. I will not change that for anyone. I said it on our first date. I said it when we decided to have an exclusive relationship. I said it when we started making love together. I said it when we moved in together. I said it when she asked me to marry her. I said it when she begged me to make her a mommy. I gave my word all of those times because she gave her word and claimed to accept me for who I am and to believe in the same things.
Maybe she was acting then for some ulterior motive. Maybe she's just lying to herself now. I don't know and I wouldn't be able to trust her if she told me.
Regardless, if I go back on my word for the sake of convenience, I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror or sleep at night. I would feel ashamed and guilty. Keeping my word only effects me. That's it.
I'm not being nice, or romantic, or obsessive.
Pure and simple. I believe a Man keeps his word and lives with honour. I believe a Man accepts his commitments and responsibilities and respects those of others. If I don't honour my word, then I'm not a Man. Last time I checked, I had a penis. Guess that explains that. I got two options, keep my word, or fulfill the bargain by dying. I don't have any plans to die. If someone can't deal with that, it's their problem. I'm fine keeping my word to somebody who appears to have since proven herself unworthy of me. Perhaps someday, though I'm not holding my breath, she may decide to become worthy of me again. Hell, as far as I'm concerned, the person she appears to be today isn't good enough to wipe the ass of the woman I married.
Damn this is getting long. Whatever. I think I've made my point.
Have a great fucking year!
Be True.